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Love Conscious

If you study success, you learn that in order to achieve success you must become success-conscious. Developing a growth mindset takes time, very much like it would if you purchased a run-down factory and you needed to renovate it in order for it to begin manufacturing the one of a kind cookies your great grandmother taught you to bake when you were a little kid.
In order for the factory to be successful, you'd need to pluck out whatever needed to be removed and replace it with equipment and with people in alignment with the success of your new company. And so it is with LOVE.
In order to manifest love you must become love-conscious. The problem with this principle is, many of us who struggle with shame often stay in relationships with toxic others, like narcissists. The key idea here is to remember that narcissists are fear-conscious. They fear abandonment. They fear being seen as 'ordinary'. They fear losing control over you. They need for their sources of narcissistic supply...
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What to look for in relationships

Healthy Relationship Signs

If you were raised in a home where wounds were created daily and exploited often, and you are on a quest to find a healthy relationship as an adult today, you may be looking out for danger signs, without paying attention to healthy signs.

The Fear of Intimacy

Abused adult children can spend their lives in fear of becoming hurt inside relationship dynamics. We can fear intimacy, vulnerability and tone ourselves down. On the flip side, we can be too open too soon, and expose our deepest and most wounded parts of ourselves without building faith in the other person first.

Children in Adult Bodies

We are children in adult bodies and often do not realize that our fears as well as hopes are driving our emotions and behaviors. For these reason, when we are unaware we are unaware, we don't always make the most sound choices when it comes to choosing partners or friends.

What Does Your Healthy Relationship Look Like

If you are on...
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Have you ever been threatened emotionally, financially or physically by someone?

Have you ever known someone who hurt you just because you did not see things their way?

Have you ever been threatened emotionally, financially or physically by someone?

This is called exploitation and we all need to know the warning signs so we can enforce boundaries and avoid being hurt by those who believe they have a right to harm another.

Not one of us has ever been put on planet earth to suffer the abuse of another person.

We may not know this in our gut, and we won't if as children we were treated with little to no regard.

It is time to hold onto the self and to know the self as divine, worthy and valid!
From there, we consciously recognize the need to protect ourselves from predator personalities because, HELLO, they do freaking exist. And sadly sometimes they are the ones who have been endowed to protect us!
I am not saying we need to live in fear...I am saying we need to live CONSCIOUSLY and AWARE.

There is no need to hate anyone...but we do need to love the self and honor what we...

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If someone respects and loves you--you'll know it.

This post is for anyone who is dating, living, or working with someone who has an arrogant, intellectual air about them, who finds ways to put them down. This post is for anyone who has to deal with someone who behaves as if they are supremely more intelligent than others and who MUST find ways to tell the world how amazingly brilliant they are and often at your expense.

Not all narcissists are unintelligent sociopaths. Some of them in fact, are the brightest minds on earth. When we are dealing with an intellectual or cerebral narcissist, it can be even more challenging to hold onto the self because they have such a wonderful command of language.

In the end, consider how people make you feel.

If someone respects and loves you--you'll know it.

If someone is trying to make you feel bad so they can feel good--you'll know that too.

Drop into your heart space and ask yourself, "How does this person make me feel?" and then, listen.

Don't let any little smarty pants make you feel bad about...

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As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us

As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us from our toxic homes. We relied on these fantasies to help us get through a day, however, there are very real consequences to whimsical thinking.

While we were still unaware we were unaware, our brains and minds became attuned to thinking and believing in relationship dynamics that were built upon pain, immaturity, and fantasy.

Although imagining being rescued or being the rescuer helped to fill our depressed brains with fuzzy warm feeling hormones like oxytocin, on a very deep level, we were developing beliefs about how life should be.
As healing codependent adults, we need to be very careful about the way we perceive ourselves, others, and relationships.

We need to ask ourselves;
"Have I idealized this person and now, as the honeymoon period wears off, am I blaming this person for NOT sizing up to the fantasy version of this person I talked myself into...

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Many of us think of boundaries and see lines in the sand

Many people ask me about how to set boundaries. I am asked things like,
"How can I set a clear boundary with my mother-in-law?"
"How can I set a boundary with my children?"
"How can I set a boundary with my mother?"

The thing is, you cannot serve two masters.

Dear One, you HAVE to DECIDE. Will you serve others’s happiness or your OWN?
Will you serve to PLEASE others or will you learn to live to please your SELF?
Will you cater to the needs of OTHERS or will you learn to cater to your OWN needs?

Boundaries are misunderstood. Many of us think of boundaries and see lines in the sand or clear lines of demarcation. When we think of boundaries we see stop signs in our heads and sometimes feel this tightness in our chest. We associate boundaries with being tough and strong--and yet--boundaries are about being open, honest, kind, authentic and real.

You know that electric surge you feel go up to your spine when someone does something that ticks you off, or what about that tight feeling in...

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Narcissists need a toy to play with

Narcissists need a toy to play with. Much like cats play with mice, narcs like to lay in waiting until the mouse feels secure and is out in the open. Once the mouse is out in the open and is feeling safe, that is when the cat strikes the hardest. When the mouse least expects to be taken over, that is when cats enjoy striking the most.

Narcissists are clever. They lure victims in with their compliments, kind words, and adoration. In the beginning, and during the 'safe phase' they pretend to 'see' their victims in ways others have failed to. If you are a tired wife, a narcissistic man will be sure to pick up on your weary feelings and drown you with praise. He will lead you to believe that others are fools for not noticing how hard you work. He will tell you your husband is a fool for not appreciating his hard working wife. You will feel seen, heard, validated, understood, and soon you will begin to feel young and even sexy again. He will look at you in ways that make you feel...
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If it was easy to have healthy relationships, everyone we know would be doing it

If it was easy to have healthy balanced relationships, everyone we know would be doing it, including ourselves.

The reality is, people are human, most of them are asleep to some degree, and all of us have subconscious wounds we carry, whether we are aware of them or not. This means that when we meet someone, it is HIGHLY unrealistic to presume that they will never hurt our feelings, say something that will piss us off, or meet every one of our needs every time we have a need that need to gets met. It is just as unrealistic to presume we will not offend someone we care about, no matter how hard we try.

If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR. We aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. We don’t read minds and neither do most people we meet, although often, we expect people to know precisely what we need even if we don’t have a clue as to what that is.

If we have never felt loved, as adults, we may think that love should play...

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Getting Out of Your Head

If you are an adult child from a dysfunctional home, whether the tool of dysfunction used was alcohol, emotional manipulation, guilt, shame or physical or sexual abuse--as an adult today, you may have a tough time getting out of your head.

Why? Why is it that so many of us who felt so pained as children have such a hard time getting ourselves involved with others in an intimate way?

So many of us struggle with intimacy today because our first experiences with love were so painful. We have been programmed and conditioned to fear being loved by others, as well as fear loving others. Our unconscious mind has us hard-wired to fear to let down our shield--the one that we can feel but cannot see--but that others can feel as well. The one that says, "It is safer to give than to expect to be given to," which of course keeps us spiritually and emotionally malnourished (unconsciously of course).

When an innocent child experiences emotional estrangement from the very beings that brought them...

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