How To Heal From Codependency and Stop Attracting Narcissists
by Lisa A. Romano
So often I am asked, "So Miss Lisa, how do I heal from codependency and stop attracting narcissistic people into my life?"
Its such a tough question to answer, primarily because most people really do not have a true grip on how deep an issue codependency really is. I coach clients who have been in and out of traditional therapies for decades, who have said that not once did a psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist ever mention words like, enmeshment, codependency, or narcissism while they were being treated for anxiety, depression, bipoloar disorder, or BPD like symptoms.
I totally get it, because I saw at least three other therapists before I heard the term 'codependent', and I believe the only reason he shared that insight with me was because he was a recovering codependent himself. And there you have it! Only a therapist who has successfully achieved emotional liberation from the enmeshing diseased thought process codependency is can spot it in others--and help you heal from it--if you are suffering with it. Of course--this is only my personal opinion.
Where Do I Start
If you have discovered the answer to your problems is in fact codependency, you have already taken a huge step forward. You have gone outside the traditional box (modern therapy) and you have begun taking the power back. Yes, researching on your own, seeking information that resonates with you on a deep level, the kind of information that gives you goose bumps--and alike--is what you should be seeking. When information is appropriate for you dear one--you will know by the way you FEEL.
Imagine that dear one??? We are supposed to be paying attention to the way we feel!!! What a
freakin' concept that is...lol...
Should I Seek a Therapist
I do suggest you seek guidance while on this journey--for support--because it can be useful to have someone you know you can rely on when you begin connecting the dots from your past to your present. Waking up and peeling the denial off of your eyes can be tough. Like when you finally accept you were a victim of your older brother who molested you when you were in the tub at three years old. OUCH! Yes, that denial band aid hurts like hell when it gets ripped off. But until you are able to ALLOW THAT THREE YEAR OLD HER EXPERIENCE--you cannot heal. Glossing over it for the sake of f****ed up family Christmas meals is not worth the pain it keeps us in dear ones!
Slowing The Mind
The single most important thing you can do for yourself is to slow down the mental field. Codependency is a form of brainwashing. You've been brainwashed to doubt your right to experience your experiences--and thus the emotions tied to your experiences. This suppressing of the emotions tied to the experiences is creating your compulsion to stay attached to others--because you fear them seeing the shame others caused you...SCREW THAT DEAR ONES!!! Its not your fault your family was dysfunctional... THIS IS NOT YOUR SHAME.
Meditation helps you slow down the mental field so you can connect to your angel self--which resides in every cell of your being, and you can absolutely communicate with via your heart chakra. Your sacred self--is found within the center of your being--in your heart space.
Educate Your Self
Fear is what fuels codependency, and learning about codependency helps minimize the fear. Once you understand how the brainwashing took place, why it took place, and how it is you are attracting others who also brainwash you, fear begins to fade away...YAY!!! Once fear begins to wane, so do the cortisol levels in your body. Learning to override the fear response is beneficial because it helps create the GAP or the emotional and mental space you need to begin responding differently to the people who are now in your life.
Read all you can about codependency, enmeshment, childhood brainwashing, and childhood emotional neglect.
Get Quiet and talk less..and listen to self more...
You are an angel--in spite of what anyone has ever told you, and even if you are sitting in a jail cell right now. Wherever you are, you are because of what you have been programmed and brainwashed to believe about your self, others, and the world.
Namaste Dear Ones...
We are the Renegades who refuse to stay quite anymore...Be proud of your courage to face what they have done!
There is much work to be done Dearest. These suggestions are only the beginning of this sacred journey.
Love to you all,