Breaking The Cycle of Abuse
by Lisa A. Romano
For those of us who grew up in dysfunctional homes, we may have not understood at the time that we were being brainwashed to think and feel the way our parents did. When we were small, the soil that was our fertile, innocent, virgin subconscious minds were being downloaded with all sorts of weeds. If our parents were racists, feared spending money, or spoke poorly about those in different religions, as adults we must begin to understand that childhood rearing is in fact indoctrination. If your parents were well adjusted, balanced, fair, civil, kind, nurturing, empathetic, attuned, generous, accepting, understanding human beings, more than likely the indoctrination you experienced has benefited you. But, what if, your parents weren't so kind? What if your parents treated you with indifference, were alcoholics, narcissists, emotionally abusive, passive aggressive, minimizing, condescending, or physically abusive? What kind of impact would that type of repetitious indoctrination have had on you then?
I always say you cannot fix a hole in the wall you cannot see. As adults, if we truly want to break the cycle of abuse one of the first steps we must take is to validate the fact that we were victims in the first place. By acknowledging the cycle of abuse in our families of origin, we are learning to come out of denial and to see the holes in the wall that need to be fixed. The problem many wounded adult children face is that because they were so invalidated as children, they have been brainwashed to invalidate their own pain. Forced to instead worry more about how others were feeling, wounded adult children from dysfunctional homes don't always understand just how victimized they have been.
All of us should be able to;
- feel comfortable in our own skin
- feel good enough
- have love for the self
- understand the self
- have compassion for the self
- love the self
- take care of the self without guilt
- speak our truth even if we are afraid
- set boundaries
- set goals for ourselves
- take care of ourselves financially
- respect ourselves
- take time out to enjoy ourselves
- spend money on ourselves within reason
- seek mutually satisfying relationships
- know when to walk away
- invest in ourselves
- feel confident
- feel empowered
- know we are worthy
- leave painful relationships and living situations behind
- look forward to abundant future life experiences
- enjoy the moment
If you don't feel this way, chances are you have not been brought up in the healthiest of homes. Let's face it, even the most well-intended parents make mistakes, and that includes this Breakthrough Life Coach herself. In my unawareness of my codepdendency, there were times I used guilt to get my children to do what I wanted them to do. There were times I was so frustrated with life, that I got stuck in anger. Unaware I was behaving out of cycles of abuse and dysfunction, I did not know I could at any time begin breaking the cycles that were keeping me stuck, below the veil of consciousness, and repeating my past.
The good news is, that because we are these amazing things called HUMAN BEINGS, and because we have a prefrontal lobe and neocortex, we actually have the miraculous ability to observe the way we think! When we become conscious enough, we can totally observe, detach, and change our subconscious programming. This of course is a process and not an event, but I for one am willing to invest all the time it takes to wake the hell up and continue to break the cycles of dysfunction that have plagued my family for generations. I sincerely hope you are too!
It is possible to begin breaking the cycles of abuse that have plagued your family for generations and begin shifting the course of your family line into the future, towards love and light.
Now that's COOL!