Narcissistic Relationships and Codependency
by Lisa A. Romano
Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists. We have to keep this in mind. A narcissist is like speaking to a tree. A tree is convinced its a tree. When we speak to a tree--we know that the tree believes it is a tree. But what if the tree wasn't really a tree. What if the tree was really a bush but the bush just thought it was a tree? What if because the bush was planted in a forest full of trees, the bush just assumed it was a tree too?
Narcissists assume they are kind, wonderful human beings. They are unaware they are not trees--they are NOT kind--they are not LOVING and instead they are self-absorbed and only exhibit kind and loving behaviors when it SUITS THEM. They are only able to appear to be kind and loving when doing so helps make THEM look good.
Have you ever had the experience of a mother, father, boyfriend, sister, brother, or friend who treated you like crap when no one was looking BUT when their was suddenly an audience the one abusing you in the dark could turn on the charm?
Have you ever had someone you love, imply that you were selfish when you considered yourself instead of them for once? Oh and of course, the lashing you experience is done on the phone, through texts, or always behind closed doors UNLESS the narcissist has the benefit of a flying monkey or two.
Narcissistic mothers, fathers, and siblings don't have to work at getting us to allow them into our hearts. We come pre-packaged loving these people and sometimes it can take a lifetime to unravel the consequences of such toxic dynamics. When it comes to allowing narcissistic friends and lovers into our lives, that too can take years to sort out. Because narcissistic relationships cause us to dissociate from the tremendous self-doubt, anxiety, grief, shame, and confusion they cause in our heart space, it can be the most challenging form of psychological abuse to recover from.
As you begin to identify who can love you for you--without guilt--shame--confusion--and pain--you will need to begin setting CLEAR no BULLSHIT boundaries with those who abuse you in private and then praise you in public. HELL NO--NO MORE!
It is time to OWN what you feel and begin clearing out the confusion. Do not be confused any longer. Narcissists LIVE and BREATHE to confuse the people in their lives. Once you aren't so confused about that anymore--you're suddenly less confused!
Do you have somebody in your life that treats you one way in private and then another way in public?
Are you ready to SEE IT!
Are you ready to ACKNOWLEDGE IT?
If so, please share with us if you feel so inclined to do so.
Love your Self Dear One--and let those that cause you confusion GO!