by Lisa A. Romano
Codependency symptoms are wide and varied. It is important to remember to avoid black and white thinking when trying to better understand codependency symptoms. Keep in mind that codependency is rooted in a poor sense of self and that the way codependency shows up in you or within your relationship can rely heavily on what might be going on in the moment.
Generally speaking, if you have been raised to feel invisible, unloved, and like you are not enough, chances are you will probably experience some codependency in your life. Symptoms of codependency include but are not limited to;
- enabling behavior and denying of how other people's actions impact you
- denial of how other people's actions impact you
- inability to make decision based on what is good for you
- detached sense of self
- struggle with knowing who you are or what you want
- cater to others inside relationships even when those relationships are detrimental
- lack poor personal boundaries
- get stuck in fear and have difficulty making decisions that are in your best interest
- stay in relationships rather than leave relationships
- complain, rage, and can become passive aggressive, especially when an unspoken expectation is not met
- difficulty speaking personal truth
- anxiety, depression, and obsession
- people-pleasing rather than living authentically
- some form of addiction that offers a false sense of control
- poor communication skills
- care more about what others think about you than what you think about yourself
- racing thoughts
- obsession with gaining outside validation
What Can You Do About Being Codependent?
Because codependency is not like a splinter; you cannot go to the doctor to have it removed from your finger, healing from this dis-ease of mind, body, and soul can be quite the challenge. In order to heal from codependency, it is helpful to identify why you think you might be codependent.
Ask yourself questions like;
- Why do I believe I am not good enough?
- Who taught me to believe I am not good enough?
- Who do I know or who do I think is codependent?
- How has my childhood impacted my ability to love and honor myself?
- Did I receive validation as a child?
- Did I ever feel seen or loved as a child?
- When I was a child, how did the adults in my life generally treat me?
- As a child, what were the messages I received from my environment about my self-worth?
The more you understand why your subconscious mind might not believe you are worthy, the easier time you will have breaking those faulty patterns of thought and behaviors.
Codependency is rooted in a deep sense of unworthiness and is associated to the need to be validated by someone else. As you heal, you will begin to learn that the only persons validation you ever needed was your own.
It's not your fault if you struggle with codependency symptoms--it's your programming.
Please enjoy this quick video about Children and Codependency