May 24, 2018

Codependency is a Comfortable State of Uncomfortability

by Lisa A. Romano

codependency recovery

Codependents are sadly comfortable with being uncomfortable. When we are in relationships, we have no data for harmony. We settle for the discomfort because we don't know any other way of living. Neurosis, fear, anxiety, lions, and tigers, and bears OH MY! This IS our way of being.

Healing would come much faster if we could begin to ingest this idea of healthy vs unhealthy. If your relationships bring you anxiety, then they are NOT healthy and they do NOT serve you.

If you are in a relationship with someone who thinks they are always right or needs to be always right--then they also need to make everyone else wrong--AND if you are codependent--you will do all you can to be enough for the person who implies you are wrong. You will try to smile more, be thinner, laugh less, talk less, be more sexy--whateva' it takes to gain the approval of this charismatic, confident, perfect other.

If you want to stop attracting narcissists into your life, then you have to commit to no longer seeing the world in black and white. No one is right all the time and no one is wrong all the time. Rather than see things as right and wrong, good or bad, consider asking yourself, "Is this a healthy dynamic or unhealthy one?"

If you're in a relationship with someone who MUST be right, the relationship is probably wrong, but thinking of it as unhealthy vs healthy helps the mind release itself from feeling afraid of not being good enough, and out of the neurotic loop of seeking approval.

The goal is peace, harmony, fun, balance, joy, and growth, not angst, fear, guilt, shame, worry, and frustration.

The goal is healthy vs unhealthy.