The True Narcissist
by Lisa A. Romano
A true narcissist cannot see, feel, or hear you. They are concerned with how you impact their life. They are not concerned with how they impact yours.
Narcissists are convinced mind, body, and soul that only they can be victims. They will lie, steal, cheat, defame, minimize, abuse, discard and treat others in the most inhumane ways, all the while feeling justified in their actions. They reason their abuse of others by believing that because they have been victimized, those they abuse are deserving of their tirades, psychological abuse, physical assaults, adultering ways, or thievery. Holding a narcissist accountable for any insensitive action, like showing up for dinner late, is akin to accusing them of robbing a bank. Any suggestion that the narcissist is imperfect will result in an all out battle. They are incapable of empathizing with your point of view. There will never be an "I am sorry I hurt you--or I am sorry I was not on time. I can see how disappointed you are. Please forgive me."
Narcissists are unable to take the needs, feelings, wants, or desires of others into consideration, unless others needs, feelings, wants, and desires will somehow benefit them. They are unable to empathize with others and will feel most angered when someone suggests they consider someone else's point of view. They will twist the suggestion like a shoelace until their victim is left feeling exasperated and full of guilt for even suggesting the narcissist consider another person's opinion.
Narcissists are more than self-absorbed. They are grandiose in their ideas about themselves and feel entitled to 'special' treatment. No one has ever suffered more than they have, and no one could possibly understand where they are coming from, so they think.
Narcissists will blame others for all that they do. If they lose their job it is because the boss is out to get them. If they get into a traffic accident, it will be because the other driver wasn't paying attention. If they beat their child, it will be because the child spilled milk. If they are drunk, it will be because their spouse got them so annoyed they had to drink. If they cannot find a job, it will be because the interviewer was threatened by having the narc work in the same office. If the narcissist lies, it will be because you left them no other choice. If the narcissist cheats on you, it will be because you made them unhappy. If the narcissist ignores you, it will be because you are simply not interesting enough to talk to.
Eventually, once the narcissist has toyed with you enough, and they have found another source of narcissistic supply, they will discard you. Once the narcissist finds dealing with you too tiresome, or troublesome, they will have no need for you any longer. When you begin to challenge a narcissist on their behavior, you have essentially threatened their ability to continue draining you of the energy they need to survive. In time, they will begin to find ways to discard you. In the meantime, they will do what they can to find other sources of narcissistic supply.
When they do discard you, you will feel pain like no other time in your life. You will wonder if there was something more you could have done to save your relationship. You will wonder if they were right about you--maybe you were uninteresting--boring--crazy--selfish--needy and so on. You will recant all the times you tried to be good enough--and you will ultimately question your decisions, actions, and feelings.
Relationships should not be full of pain and so if you have ended a painful relationship, that is a really, really good thing, although chances are you have never felt worse in your life.
This pain is real. The narcissist has infested every cell of your being and it will take time to release them from your mind and your energy body. They have infiltrated the deepest parts of you, knowing that this was they best way to control you--FROM THE INSIDE OUT. As you heal, it will hurt to exude their darkness from the cells of your being--so--be gentle with yourself and love yourself more than you ever have during this very sacred time.
Have you been discarded by a narcissist? Have you felt this intense painful discard? How did you manage to survive?
Please enjoy this Youtube video about How to Spot a Narcissist