May 25, 2018

Narcissism and Codependency-A Hand in a Glove

by Lisa A. Romano

acoa acoa podcast acoa recovery adult child adult child of alcoholic adult children of alcoholics podcast codependency acoa blogs how to heal from a narcissist tele class for adult children of alcoholics

What many people do not realize is that when you are emotionally abused as a child, patterns of relating to others--as well as to self are impacted in negative ways.

If you were emotionally abused as a child and treated with indifference, then you have been programmed to see self as a victim. The psychological term for this is called 'learned helplessness.'

Unfortunately those of us who were abused, tend to attract narcissistic type personalities.

It seems we emotionally abused children attract partners later on in life who fail to have the capacity to have empathy and or compassion for others. As adults we attract similar energy beings to our parents, as if we are seeking a matching glove to our childhood experiences.

Research with powerless dogs has indicated that when a being feels powerless to escape cruelty, the being will eventually 'give up' believing escape is possible. When this happens a mental switch is turned off, that disengages the mind from ever believing that choice is possible.

A child who has been emotionally tortured by the adults in his/her life, may not recall the actual events of the abuse. However, locked within the invisible halls of the beings mind will be this sense that he/she is without the ability to choose unhealthy circumstances.

Domestically abused women often times stay with their abusers, but are also many times more likely to have witnessed domestic violence at home. If daughters witness their mothers tolerating domestic abuse, then learned helplessness is actually an emotional/mental disposition that has been programmed into the innocent being observing the relationship between her mother and father.

The Goal

The goal in recovery is to help teach our minds that choice is always a possibility and it is only when we refuse to think outside the box our parents and abusive partners, family, and friends attempt to keep us in that we posture self like a victim, refusing to consider any possible choice that we fail to move forward.


There are innumerable mental and emotional hurdles one must learn to overcome on the road to recovery, and the more difficult those hurdles, the sweeter the eventual view of the divine, magnificent, immortal Self.

Tele Class March 7th-April 8th 9-11 am EST

If you are interested in taking part in my upcoming tele class, which addresses the 12 most significant challenges of being an ACoA and the 12 keys to our recovery, you may register for that class to the right of this post.


You are enough. You have searched long enough. You have suffered enough. All that is within you is enough.

Namaste Dear Ones,

Lisa A. Romano

ACoA Recovery Life Coach/Author