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Signs of a toxic relationship

"Lisa, why do you always talk about toxic relationships, narcissism, and childhood trauma? Shouldn't you talk more about happy things?"
 
Not that long ago, I received this DM on Instagram. I smiled for a bit and then realized it might be helpful to know why we need to know the signs of a toxic relationship.
If you were raised by pushy, self absorbed caretakers, or by those who were immature, and did not know 'how to' attune themselves to you as a child, you may have been taught to DOUBT your inner reality.
 
If your father or mother was narcissistic, immature, abusive, aloof, and or emotionally cold, you may not have a strong self of self that has the ability to VALIDATE how you feel. If this is the case, you will NOT readily acknowledge abuse for what it is. Instead, you will deny, rationalize, and normalize abusive behavior because as a child, you were not conditioned to feel as if how you felt or experienced the world was important.
You may even chase after...
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If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR

If it was easy to have healthy balanced relationships, everyone we know would be doing it, including ourselves.

The reality is, people are human, most of them are asleep to some degree, and all of us have subconscious wounds we carry, whether we are aware of them or not. This means that when we meet someone, it is HIGHLY unrealistic to presume that they will never hurt our feelings, say something that will piss us off, or meet every one of our needs every time we have a need that needs to get met. It is just as unrealistic to presume we will not offend someone we care about, no matter how hard we try.

If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR. We aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. We don’t read minds and neither do most people we meet, although often, we expect people to know precisely what we need even if we don’t have a clue as to what that is.

If we have never felt loved, as adults, we may think that love should play...

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Getting past a bad breakup is challenging especially when you are in relationship withdrawal

Getting past a bad breakup due to relationship love addiction is challenging especially when you are in relationship withdrawal. Love addiction and relationship withdrawal is a real thing and when you suffer from love addiction, breakups in relationships can make you feel like you are dying.
 
Not all breakups are equal. Many breakups hurt more deeply than others and especially if you have suffered abandonment in your childhood. Relationship addiction, love addiction, and codependency are tied to abandonment. If you are experiencing relationship withdrawal, ask yourself, "Have I experienced emotional neglect, childhood abuse, or any form of narcissistic abuse in my past?"
 
Relationship addiction, love addiction, and relationship withdrawal hurt deeply and can often be more difficult to recover from than other addictions. IMHO relationship withdrawal hurts deeply especially if you have experienced abandonment trauma in your childhood. Abandonment trauma can cause us to...
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Relationship Addiction

Many of us are addicted to something, whether that is a relationship, Facebook, Instagram, television, food, anger, sex, shopping, alcohol, drugs, or our phones.

Many of us are running away from an emptiness we cannot name and in the busying ourselves with OUTSIDE things, we get to evade the pang of that emptiness.

Hence, why so many of us are codependent.

When we are in relationships that are unhealthy, we may not realize how the dynamics help us avoid something much deeper. When we are in painful relationships, we often fail to acknowledge the addictive cycle that emerges and how that cycle serves our brain's need to avoid pain.

Staying in unhealthy relationships allows us to avoid the pain of our own abandonment trauma and the debilitating shame that accompanies that trauma. The more chaotic the relationship, the less time or need we have to go within.

When we are trying to kick any addiction, we must acknowledge that doing so will present us with a tremendous feeling of LOSS....

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