If it was easy to have healthy balanced relationships, everyone we know would be doing it, including ourselves.
The reality is, people are human, most of them are asleep to some degree, and all of us have subconscious wounds we carry, whether we are aware of them or not. This means that when we meet someone, it is HIGHLY unrealistic to presume that they will never hurt our feelings, say something that will piss us off, or meet every one of our needs every time we have a need that needs to get met. It is just as unrealistic to presume we will not offend someone we care about, no matter how hard we try.
If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR. We aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. We don’t read minds and neither do most people we meet, although often, we expect people to know precisely what we need even if we don’t have a clue as to what that is.
If we have never felt loved, as adults, we may think that love should play...
Many of us are addicted to something, whether that is a relationship, Facebook, Instagram, television, food, anger, sex, shopping, alcohol, drugs, or our phones.
Many of us are running away from an emptiness we cannot name and in the busying ourselves with OUTSIDE things, we get to evade the pang of that emptiness.
Hence, why so many of us are codependent.
When we are in relationships that are unhealthy, we may not realize how the dynamics help us avoid something much deeper. When we are in painful relationships, we often fail to acknowledge the addictive cycle that emerges and how that cycle serves our brain's need to avoid pain.
Staying in unhealthy relationships allows us to avoid the pain of our own abandonment trauma and the debilitating shame that accompanies that trauma. The more chaotic the relationship, the less time or need we have to go within.
When we are trying to kick any addiction, we must acknowledge that doing so will present us with a tremendous feeling of LOSS....
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