If you struggle with codependency, you struggle with having a healthy autonomous identity.
When asked the question, "Who are you?" you answer according to your roles in society, or you describe yourself according to ideas that have shaped your perception of self. You speak in terms of what has happened to you or in terms of what role you think you play in the world or in your family.
You say things like;
I am a woman.
I am a man.
I am a father.
I am a mother.
I am a soccer coach.
I am a doctor.
I am a writer.
I am someone with a disability.
I am depressed.
I am anxious.
I am a bus driver.
I am an electrician.
I am a hairdresser.
I am the daughter of a narcissist.
I am the adult child of an alcoholic.
I am a sexual abuse survivor and so on...
While all of these statements might very well be true for you, the truth is, they do not describe who you are separate from what has happened to you or what role your culture or our very imperfect, still chaotic society has placed you into.
Many of us are still...
When you are codependent you often tolerate aspects of relationships healthier people would not. You may people-please, react, coerce, enable, deny, enmesh, and violate boundaries. You may be clinging to a relationship rather than letting go because you fear being alone. Perhaps you find a sense of value in the taking care of others and doubt you are worthy of a truly healthy relationship.
When we are breaking free from codependency we are learning to be patient with our process of healing. Much of our recovery will rely on our ability to be humble and self-analyzing. As we learn to see things in ourselves we do not necessarily like, we may be tempted to run and hide. It takes great courage to look in the mirror and to acknowledge there is something about ourselves we must change.
Remember to be patient and kind with the self as you learn to understand why you may have developed codependency. Healing the wounded heart takes time and much dedication to personal...
People will say that you do not need to fear a narcissist.
I say fear is God's way of saying, "Pay freaking attention -- there is a dark spirit in your midsts."
People who do not have a mind that operates to be a part of the whole, work to destroy the whole so they can remain in control of all who make up the whole.
Narcissists are persecutors, but their mind will insist that you are the persecutor and they are the victim.
Be careful out there Dear Ones...
God isn't going to sit at your coffee table and tell you to 'wake up'. No, God speaks to us through our gut instincts.
It is our job to learn to be still -- and to consciously make contact with our Higher Self; our Holy Spirit Self.
When we heal the programs in our heads that make us feel not enough, we can more clearly hear the voice of Spirit and Wisdom guiding us and cautioning us to love and protect the self.
One of the emotions many codependents rely on to help us feel less powerless is resentment.
When we are angry at someone who has not done what we think they should have, and often when our own abandonment traumas have been triggered, our minds can rear off into the land of punishment and vindictiveness. The more VALUE we have placed on someone or on the relationship, the more RESENTFUL we are when that person does not behave the way we think they should have.
But here is the problem…resentment and vindictiveness keeps us stuck and repeating patterns of thought that reinforce our feelings of victimhood. While we are lashing out, we are essentially telling the universe that this other person hurt us and we are pissed off because we have been victimized in some way.
In a nutshell, we are telling the universe—“I AM A VICTIM—see how angry I am—see how pissed off I am—see how much power this person has over me—I have NO power myself—I have no...
Narcissists use word salads, deflection, fear, intimidation, projections, lying, denying and other forms of manipulative tactics to keep you stuck.
Please enjoy this video to learn more and to hopefully help you understand why you might be confused after dating a narcissist.
Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach, bestselling author, and YouTube Vlogger specializing in codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is also one of the most listened to meditation teachers on the world’s largest meditation app Insight Timer. Lisa creates real-life tools to help people evolve past their traumas so they can live in peace, achieve success, and create harmony in their lives regardless of painful past events.
Lisa's work helps awaken people to the idea that what is wrong is not them, it is only their programming. Her 12 Week Breakthrough Healing Coaching Program takes members through three months of...
Look, if you are reading this and you are wishing to recover from Narcissistic Abuse, good for you!
If you recognize that all the confusion, anxiety, depression, angst, brain fog, memory loss, enormous self-doubt, and the fear of just about everything and everyone can be traced back to narcissistic abuse, Dear One, you are ahead of the game.
Most people who are in enmeshed codependent relationships don't even realize what is going on. They may be so below the veil of consciousness, or so emotionally abused that they are unable to recognize the fact that abuse is happening.
How sad is that?
Many of us grew up in crazy childhood homes in which unpredictability, fighting and a lack of safety was the norm. We knew nothing of going to bed feeling safe, protected, and like all was well. Instead, insecurity and generalized angst was our norm.
Lions and tigers and bears OH MY!
If people looked more like animals, it would be easy to know who to avoid.
If manipulative, abusive, narcissistic people looked like lions, tigers or bears, most of us would avoid them. But, abusive people look like regular people and many narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths are wonderfully charming when we first meet them.
Many of the most damaging people out there are the ones who don’t look like evil people. Many are wolves in sheep's clothing whose energy feels more like carbon monoxide than clean air. The abuse they cause is invisible and debilitating. We don't know we are dealing with lions or wolves because we cannot see them clawing at our hearts or gnawing at our skin. The ick we feel is internal and sadly, manipulative people are so good at convincing you that YOU are the problem, it can take a lifetime to understand the ick is really not you--and it is a symptom of living with someone who sees others as toys they use to entertain their egos,...