Empaths with codependency can lose themselves in over-empathizing with others who are in pain

Empaths must use boundaries to help them protect the energies of those who can drain their energy. Empaths with codependency can lose themselves in over-empathizing with others who are in pain. This makes empaths targets for those with high narcissistic traits. 


Codependents and empaths are targets for narcissists and sociopaths because they are compassionate, caring, understanding, and have a great desire to understand other’s pain. When you are someone who cannot help but feel other’s pain, it is sometimes impossible to be able to know what you feel. Add the need for a narcissist to have power over you, and it is not difficult to see how easily it can be to become lost inside very dark energies.

Without being able to use the spirit of discernment to your advantage, you may just keep attracting others whose agenda it is to control and abuse you.


LOVE and COMPASSION are SUPERPOWERS for EMPATHS. We have the RIGHT to honor our ability to FEEL what other people feel for...

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When we lack boundaries, we are feathers in the wind

Boundaries help us stay in our own lane. They help us honor our emotions, feel our feelings, and honor our internal wisdom.

When we lack boundaries, we are feathers in the wind. We feel distracted, powerless, and we are unsure whether we are following our own drum or the drum of others.

When we lack a healthy sense of self, we suffer with self doubt. We don't know if we should trust our judgment, intuition, decisions, or if we have the right to end relationships with those that are negative, critical, draining, argumentative, and abusive. We stay, shut ourselves down, rationalize, and hush our internal wisdom to sleep.

Boundaries help us detach from the fear of what other people think. They allow us to experience our emotions, our beliefs, our desires, and our personal truth. They allow us the freedom to discover who we are, in spite of who others want us to be or tell us who we should be.

There are those who won't like it when you set a boundary. They will become angry when you...
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The moments we remember the most are the ones that have helped shape who and what we become

The moments we remember the most are the ones that have
defined us and helped shape who and what we become.

Our most painful moments are the ones that break us in some
way. They rip the world from beneath our feet and cause us to
feel like we are free floating in an abyss. We can become
terrified, arrested in fear and lose our sense of safety.

In my life, I have come to realize all those moments were
opportunities to let pain out and let love in. I have had many experiences break me more times than I’d like to recall, however, upon reflection, the moments that broke me were chances to become as tough as steel.

Every time my heart was broken, I had the opportunity to let go
of the fear that caused me to cling to something that did not
serve me, and learn to rely more on the love within.

 

Now I know that when I was breaking I was actually experiencing awakening.

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If you struggle with codependency, you struggle with having a healthy autonomous identity.

If you struggle with codependency, you struggle with having a healthy autonomous identity.

When asked the question, "Who are you?" you answer according to your roles in society, or you describe yourself according to ideas that have shaped your perception of self. You speak in terms of what has happened to you or in terms of what role you think you play in the world or in your family.

You say things like;

I am a woman.
I am a man.
I am a father.
I am a mother.
I am a soccer coach.
I am a doctor.
I am a writer.
I am someone with a disability.
I am depressed.
I am anxious.
I am a bus driver.
I am an electrician.
I am a hairdresser.
I am the daughter of a narcissist.
I am the adult child of an alcoholic.
I am a sexual abuse survivor and so on...

While all of these statements might very well be true for you, the truth is, they do not describe who you are separate from what has happened to you or what role your culture or our very imperfect, still chaotic society has placed you into.

Many of us are still...

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Love addiction and codependency are NOT about love at all

Love addiction and codependency are NOT about love at all. They are about the fear of NOT feeling LOVE.

Love addiction is about compulsive thoughts and behaviors. It is about reactivity and a lack of self -control when it comes to emotions.

Many abused children grow up to become adult men and women who view love like a great tragic play, sort of like Romeo and Juliet, and yet, Romeo and Juliet were completely OUT of control, so much so they got everyone they knew wrapped up in their drama.

REAL LOVE is patient, calm, soothing, rational, fair, warm, nurturing, and kind. There is no up and down nonsense, gaslighting, compulsive behaviors, stonewalling, silent treatments, passive aggressiveness, or denial of facts.

The problem abused and ignored children have is this...the human imagination is a place that allows escape, and left to its own devices, many children believe that love must be the opposite of the supreme lack of disconnection which equals attachment and enmeshment.

Abused...

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Codependency sucks.

Codependency sucks.

When you are codependent you often tolerate aspects of relationships healthier people would not. You may people-please, react, coerce, enable, deny, enmesh, and violate boundaries. You may be clinging to a relationship rather than letting go because you fear being alone. Perhaps you find a sense of value in the taking care of others and doubt you are worthy of a truly healthy relationship.

When we are breaking free from codependency we are learning to be patient with our process of healing. Much of our recovery will rely on our ability to be humble and self-analyzing. As we learn to see things in ourselves we do not necessarily like, we may be tempted to run and hide. It takes great courage to look in the mirror and to acknowledge there is something about ourselves we must change.

Remember to be patient and kind with the self as you learn to understand why you may have developed codependency. Healing the wounded heart takes time and much dedication to personal...

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Use your emotions to guide you towards truths, relationships, and people that empower you

If humans could shutty-shutty, and just for 10 minutes a day, we could all live a more joyful life.

If we were all conditioned to PAUSE and reflect rather than feel the need to REACT to every emotion our brain noticed pass through our conscious field, we could all learn to have SUPER COMPUTERS for brains.

The reactive brain is a lizard brain and it DOES NOT have to be this way.

Emotions are indicators not facts.

Facts are facts and although how we feel is also a fact, we have the ability to think before we speak and to even CHANGE our emotions.

WHY would we want to change how we feel?

If I feel unworthy and the fact is my parents went out of their way to tear me down rather than build me up, my feelings around unworthiness are valid and they are REAL, but it is NOT a fact that I am unworthy.

Emotions need NOT be seen as things that are set in stone.

Yes, all emotions are valid and why we feel a certain way is valid too, but, the rational or the cause of why we feel the way we do may not be...

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Often times clients ask me, "How can I change the narcissist in my life?"

Often times clients ask me, "How can I change the narcissist in my life?" Because I also teach about The Law of Attraction, it seems that clients sometimes get confused when it comes to blending narcissistic abuse recovery with the ideas that imply that if we can change the way we look at things, the things we look at will change. I totally understand that, which is why I felt the need to shed some light on this particular subject.

For the record, a true narcissist believes in the visions, perceptions, beliefs, desires, and needs they hold inside their mind. They generally tend to be fixated and immovable perceptions, that they are not willing to shift. In fact, they believe so strongly in the perceptions they hold of themselves and others, that penetrating their beliefs would be akin to a toddler trying to scale the Great Wall of China, barefoot, with a cinder block strapped to their back, in the dark, and surrounded by hungry wolves. What a narcissist believes matters.

What anyone...
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As adults, codependency manifests in the way we relate to others

CPTSD causes someone with attachment and abandonment trauma to learn to believe they are unworthy of love.

When as a child, you have never felt seen, and the feeling of rejection is so deep, you are unable to find raw value in yourself, this creates trauma.

Chronic emotional trauma, unpredictability, and feelings of powerlessness are not states of 'being' a child can escape and as a result, children who are unable to return to a 'flow' state of peace, calm, and a sense of safety, stew in anxiety and stress.

As adults, codependency manifests in the way we relate to others. Rather than seek love because we know we are worthy of love, we go about getting our needs for 'attachment' through maladaptive avenues. Rather than flow with love, we seek to cater and act in service to others, hoping we can avoid the hole within feeling rejected and abandoned has created.

In relationships, a codependent who was shy as a child will be more passive, withdrawn, and reserve, while catering to the...

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So many of us have been taught to believe we are not good enough

So many of us have been taught to believe we are not good enough. For some, the emotion of fear may have been triggered early on and quite possibly even in utero. The limbic brain is wired to avoid pain and to seek pleasure. Anything that causes a growing fetus to experience a threat to harmony and peace will be registered as pain. Humans are being downloaded long before we are able to walk. Unfortunately, because so many people do not appreciate the experiences of children as valid; believing that what children cannot remember doesn't count, we are a world of wounded adults who are stuck in states of fight or flight who may not even realize it.

Compounding societal ignorance is the fact that ALL human beings are born asleep. We are not born aware. We are born with brainwave states that equal the dream state of consciousness. We do not have the ability to think critically as children. All that happens to us in our outer world becomes downloaded into our growing and impressionable...

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