Stretch Through the Pain to Achieve the Gain
Dear One, never forget that anxiety, depression, angst, hopelessness, and even unresolved anger is a symptom of something much deeper.
Codependency is also a symptom of some type of childhood neglect.
That neglect could have been overt or covert. It could have been sexual abuse or it could have been emotional abandonment.
Emotional neglect and maternal disconnect cause the same chemical reactions to take place in the brain that physical abuse causes.
Separation of any kind causes anxiety, whether that is physical or emotional separation.
All of us have been born to FEEL connected to Self, as well as others.
Knowing why we are the way we are is awesome--BUT it is not where our work ends. In fact, it is where our work begins.
We are all powerful creatures--who have the ability to transcend and connect to our authentic self but to do that, we must learn to stretch through our pain.
Tolle teaches us that we all have a pain body, and I would totally...
One of the best things we can do for the self is LISTEN.
Many abused adult children are so afraid of feeling invisible, that often we over-share and over-talk when in the company of others. One of the ways we can PRACTICE loving the self, is by refusing to offer words that are unintentional and inauthentic and instead, choose words more mindfully.
When we QUIET the mind, we can not only hear others but we can also hear the SELF.
As healing adults, we can forget that within us still resides a child that just wants to feel seen, like they matter, and as if what they have to say is important. We can get all excited when we are around others and feel the chance to share, and that is alright, as long as we are aware of our intentions.
When our intentions are to be in the moment, we lose our need to control how people see us and we are more able to show up in an authentic way for ourselves as well as for others.
This weekend, love yourself by refusing to over-share and instead, see if you can...
It is not uncommon for abused adult children to put someone they know on a pedestal. Often those of us who have experienced childhood trauma, attach ourselves to best friends, people, lovers, spouses, and alike, and place all our dreams upon these ‘others.’ On some level, we are escaping the abyss our abandonment trauma has left in its wake by making someone else or something our external higher power. This friend, we think, shall help us avoid the pain we know lurks within our soul. We become ATTACHED and live in FEAR that the relationship one day may possibly end, although we may never consciously acknowledge that this is true.
This type of codependency only reinforces our lack of self-love. Whenever we make someone else our god, savior or rescuer, we are turning away from the DIVINE SOURCE within us. When we ATTACH to someone outside of us, in an attempt to avoid our abandonment trauma, we unknowingly place unrealistic expectations upon them. We unconsciously wish for...
When I was a young wife, I prided myself on keeping a clean home, cooking my husband’s favorite meals, taking care of the kids, managing our family business, mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, balancing the checkbook, paying the bills, and taking care of just about every aspect of our family’s life.
Rarely did I get a good night’s sleep or spend time alone with my friends. Never did I dare get a massage, manicure or pedicure. I was too good of a mom to dare think about my needs over the needs of my family, or at least that was my frigged up perception of self-care at the time.
OH BOY—since then, I have learned a thing or two—thank heaven!
You see, before I began my recovery journey, I didn’t need anybody and I didn’t want anyone to think I needed them.
After over a decade of me trying to be Super Woman, and the desire to be the fixer upper for my family had worn me thin, I was DONE! Not only was I done, I was pissed off, resentful, angry,...
Codependency sucks and generally, many of us do not heal until we have experienced so much pain, we can no longer stay in denial.
We might hang on to that snotty friend who minimizes us in front of other people because her mother is an alcoholic and we feel ‘sorry’ for her. We might not confront our spouse about how rejected we feel whenever they make fun of our thighs, because we are afraid we might make them angry and maybe cause them to leave us. We might take care of our friends bills, even though we know the reason they can’t pay their rent is because they’re on drugs. We might lie for our sibling even though we know they stole money from our mother, because we don’t know how to set boundaries.
In many of the cases, codependency stays in play until one day the pain of ignoring how we feel reaches critical mass and we just cannot take it anymore. Out of denial, we are forced to save ourselves as we realize, those we have lied for, catered to and...
Plato has stated, “People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.”
Part of being a grown up requires us to be responsible for what people we hold in our lives. If we treated our lives like we did our businesses, it would be easier to evaluate who should stay, or should go.
All experiences are energetic exchanges, like forms of commerce, although we tend to devalue what energy we give and receive. Of course, the more responsible we become for the self, the more we learn to value our greatest asset, which is our ENERGY.
While I don’t advocate ghosting every sour puss, Debby Downer, or Negative Nelson, I do believe that it is wise to at least take an energy inventory.
Who nourishes your soul?
Who depletes you?
Who leaves you shaking your head?
Who riles you up and has you focus on negative things?
Who inspires you?
Who lifts you up?
Who wants you to believe in lack?
Who supports the energy...
When a childhood has been unpredictable, our need for control goes on overdrive.
When our emotions have been stuffed, they create tension inside our bodies. This tension we think needs to be managed by trying to control everything and everyone.
We try to control how we feel...we try to control how other people feel...we try to control what other people think...and what they do.
What we need is peace, but because we have never experienced peace, we falsely believe controlling anything and everything will bring us peace.
The sad, freaking, truth is, peace comes only when we finally let go.
Learning to accept what you cannot control is a journey. It happens slowly and overtime.
Codependency is a real thing...
Being too nice is a real thing...
People-pleasing is a real thing...
Learning to love yourself, and to accept what you could not control as a child, leads you to the peace you seek on the inside.
Take the Codependency Quiz
Codependency On Demand Presentation
If you never feel good enough, that is not your fault.
Learning to use self love tips that can help you feel enough must be put into action. When you never feel good enough, you suffer from self-blame, self-doubt, and struggle with codependency symptoms. When you never feel good enough, you may sometimes not know why.
You may struggle with loving yourself and not understand why it is so hard to feel good enough. 'I am not enough' stuff is most often rooted in childhood. When our parents have innocently or purposefully caused us to doubt we are worthy of their time, love, validation and attention, we can assume it is our fault and begin to believe we are never going to ever be good enough.
Take the Codependency Quiz
Codependency On Demand Presentation