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Healing Toxic Shame

Healing Toxic Shame 

If you are a healthy person,  you have a conscience and this aspect of your personality can help you curb behaviors that are not in alignment with your personal value system. When your conscience helps you recognize how screaming at your kids hurts their souls, upon reflection, the pain you feel when considering how your children feel can assist you as you reach for more patience in the future. In the future, when you exercise more patience with your children, you experience a boost in your personal moral. You feel better about yourself and your children feel better about you too, as well as themselves. 

When our conscience operates without shame spirals, we experience personal emotional, spiritual, and even mental growth. When we are humble enough to 'listen' to our conscience, we can change the course of our lives and overcome just about any obstacle thrown our way. 

But what happens when shame takes over the voice of our...

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Honoring the Self

Honoring the Self

When we don't honor the self, we are disconnecting from our true source of power.

As children, we honored our parents and believed in whatever we were taught, felt and experienced. If we felt unloved, we believed that meant we were unlovable. We did not know it was possible to be objective or to see our parents as 'wrong'.

As adults, we eventually learn that what happens in childhood repeats in adulthood. Like a reflection to our past, what we saw and learned to believe we tend to see and believe outside of us as adults.

On the road to recovery, healing codependency and narcissistic abuse, we learn to be more objective about who we think we are, or who we have been taught to think we are.

Learning to honor yourself is a process of self-actualization. It means we are willing to peek into Pandora's box like a detective looks for clues, rather than reacting to the instinctive emotional impulse to run, hide, deny, eat, or react.
If you are learning to honor the self,...
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Healing from the Past

Healing from the Past

When we are children we know we are powerless. We know we are small. We know that asking for permission is part of the role we must play and accept. It is what it is.


As we grow, and if we do not learn to release the need to feel like we need permission to BE who we are, and to do what we wish to do, we wait for permission.

  • We wait for permission to feel, to think, to do, to want, and to explore what we wish.We wait for permission to be happy or sad.
  • We wait for permission to try something new or we wait to be excused from having to do something we hate.

 

Below the Veil of Consciousness

Below the veil of consciousness, we remain in invisible shackles, and like the baby elephant who has been chained to a tree and as an adult elephant does not know it can run far from that tree, we stay where we were rooted.

Today, consider the idea that you are absolutely ALLOWED to explore yourself!
You are absolutely allowed to FEEL what you feel.

You are absolutely...

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Letting Toxic Family Members Go

Letting Go of Toxic Family Members

One of the most difficult things we can do as human beings is detach from dysfunctional family. Our innate survival default will draw us to bonding with family, even if our family is dysfunctional. 

When our family is dysfunctional, the problems are not always visible. 

In this video, I help people understand the need to learn how to validate the self, when someone decides to go no contact with toxic family members. 

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Codependency is the result of faulty childhood programming and is rooted in the guts of emotional wounds suffered as a child

As an author and Life Coach dedicated to sharing what she has learned in this lifetime, with the intent of helping others heal their troubled pasts, oftentimes I find myself teetering upon quite a delicate tightrope.
 
Because I believe firmly that most emotional woes are rooted in codependent thought processes, I do not believe it is possible to heal a wound one cannot name. Healing codependency requires great personal courage as well as conviction. Most abusers deny that any abuse has ever taken place, which leaves the child victim not only feeling invalidated, but often questioning their own perceptions of the past. In these types of cases, defining wounds of the past can be a most daunting task.
 
When caretakers refuse to acknowledge any abuse has taken place, it is up to the individual in search of healing to learn to honor their own perceptions, in spite of being invalidated by the others in their lives. Healing can often be a most terrifying experience....
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Emotional abuse is invisible but it packs a punch to our nonphysical systems

Emotional abuse is invisible but it packs a punch to our nonphysical systems like our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves.

Abuse is defined as any action designed to cause another person harm.
Emotional abuse is used as a means to gain entry inside someone's mind. When an abuser has gained enough power over their victims, the abuser does not have to work as hard to gain control.

Learned helplessness is a state in which victims learn to believe there is no way out. Fighting back has proven futile and often, exasperated abuse.
Dark personalities push for the day when they have successfully nudged their victims over the learned helplessness finish line. Past this line, is an invisible dungeon where the mental bodies of the victim and the abuser live. No one else can see this dungeon which makes the abuse victim feel lost, forgotten, and powerless.

Hope is the golden milk abuse survivors need in order to peel off the shame, fear, and confusion caused by emotional abuse long enough to...

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Shame conditions a child to believe who they are is not enough

Shame is a powerful emotional experience.
When a child is shamed, they are forced to detach from the very essence of who they are. Shame conditions a child to believe who they are is not enough. This is where our identity issues originate; in the belly of shame.

It is time to help the inner child fully understand that they never, ever should have been shamed for anything.

Parents use shame to control their children. Even the best of parents do this without realizing the consequences.

If you wish to know where addictions come from, consider how a child has experienced themselves as a shameful being.

Eating disorders, alcoholism, drugs, risk taking behaviors, anger, and rage...consider them all and then ask yourself, 'Has this child, or have I, ever been shamed?'

Shame has cut us off from love...and only love can help us find our way back home...

Dear One, nothing that happens in childhood is the fault of the child. Anything that occurs due to the corruption of a home, a family, or a bond to...
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Codependents react to just about anything, everything, and anyone

Codependents react to just about anything, everything, and anyone.
We are hypervigilant and live in fear of having our 'not good enough' nerve pounced on.

At our core, we feel abandoned, powerless, and as if we are broken. We have spent our lives trying to figure out how to fawn enough, shut up enough, do enough, cater enough, but nothing has offered us the feeling of love we have chased after.

We live on the edge and in fear of feeling further abandoned but we do not realize, in every interaction, and every time we react, we are recycling our initial abandonment.

As codependents we react to our emotions and the emotions of others; we react to what people do and don't do, and struggle to stay in our bodies, process our feelings and stay grounded in our own God Self Energy.
Our ego-mind has been in control for far too long, and only when we become disciplined enough to our inner self, can we hope to be less reactive to those things, people, situations and circumstances that brew outside...

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Shame corrupts the identity of the inner child

So much chaos happens inside the mind, body, and soul of a child when they are shamed for having emotions or negative reactions to how someone treats them.

When a child is shamed, they are forced to detach from the wound that caused their emotional reaction.

When they notice that mother or father, teacher, or some other authority is displeased with their emotional reaction, they let go of the very experience that has wounded them, in fear of further abandonment.

The unexperienced experience sits and rots over time. It never goes away.
Shaming a child causes them to detach and dissociate from the very essence of themselves that is necessary to help them navigate their lives in the directions of their fullest potential.

When a child is shamed, they are denied access to this potential and often, it is not until after much chaos in the adult life does this wounded inner child ever scream loud enough to be heard.

Shame forces the inner child to detach from the wonder that they are.
Shame...

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If someone respects and loves you--you'll know it.

This post is for anyone who is dating, living, or working with someone who has an arrogant, intellectual air about them, who finds ways to put them down. This post is for anyone who has to deal with someone who behaves as if they are supremely more intelligent than others and who MUST find ways to tell the world how amazingly brilliant they are and often at your expense.


Not all narcissists are unintelligent sociopaths. Some of them in fact, are the brightest minds on earth. When we are dealing with an intellectual or cerebral narcissist, it can be even more challenging to hold onto the self because they have such a wonderful command of language.


In the end, consider how people make you feel.


If someone respects and loves you--you'll know it.


If someone is trying to make you feel bad so they can feel good--you'll know that too.


Drop into your heart space and ask yourself, "How does this person make me feel?" and then, listen.


Don't let any little smarty pants make you feel bad about...

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