Labels Make Sense Out of Chaos

 

Codependency -- Accepting the Label 

Adult Children of Alcoholics and Narcissists 

 Before I finally accepted I was codependent, I rejected the label.

"Me, codependent? How could that be? I don't drink. My ex is not an alcoholic. We don't use drugs. This can't fit. I have a big mouth. I am intelligent. I can't be codependent. Something else must be going on."

When we are codependent we can reject labels because they make us uncomfortable. If our spouse is an alcoholic, we may feel uneasy accepting this label. If we struggle with alcohol we may struggle with admitting to ourselves we are powerless over alcohol.

When we are codependent and in relationships with troubled personalities, we struggle to accept the reality of our partner because of what it says about us.

"If my partner is an alcoholic, a gambler, a cheater, or a narcissist, what then does that mean about me?"

Codependency

Codependency is a label that brings order to chaos. It helps a codependent see in...

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Codependency Recovery and Living Above the Veil of Consciousness

Healing is the Expansion of One's Inner Light

When we carry deep emotional wounds, we are far from the warmth,  love, and wisdom of our Inner Light. When we experience healing, we move closer to our inner light. We FEEL more integrated, connected, and peaceful. It is as if we have found the window in our soul that had been letting in the frost, and through closing the window, we experience more wholeness. Finally, our energy can grow, expand, and begin to conduct warmth. 

Closing the window can represent a boundary of some kind. When we are wounded, our energy is pouring out of us and this impacts mental clarity, hormonal regulation, blood flow, and even our cardiac circuitry. When we are stuck in sympathetic nervous system overload, inflammation occurs in the body and we can experience this inflammation in the form of migraines, rashes, fibromyalgia, arthritis, fertility issues, gastrointestinal problems, and cognitive issues as well. 
 

Codependency Was...

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Codependency and Mindfulness

Mindfulness Helps Heal Codependency

1) Codependent recovery hinges on the ability and willingness to still the mind.

2) Only when we are able to observe codependent thinking can we correct our unhealthy thoughts.

3) Those of us who carry great shame will find it difficult to go within because when we let go of our external attachments we find all the fear we have been wishing to avoid.

4) Mindfulness is the ability to go within and find the silence which is the absence of nonsensical mental chatter.

5) When we use mindfulness we can find the seat from which we can reprogram the addicted codependent mind.

You're Not Crazy but You May be Codependent

I remember when my therapist told me I was not crazy, but I was suffering from codependency.  I was relieved as well as perplexed. I was not a drinker nor was my husband at the time. How could I be codependent? I had a big mouth. I complained all the time. I told my ex when I was unhappy. I wasn't stuffing my feelings or what I...

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Happiness-End the Rat Race

End the Rat Race 

Life, like all wonderful vacations, must come to an end.  While some may see this opening line as somewhat of a depressing thought, I hope many will also view it as sobering as well. 

Life is a temporary thing and very much like a vacation, it does not last forever. Time and space cause us to be spellbound by the illusion that our death is far off in the distance somewhere and yet, consciously we all know this is an illusion itself. Many of us get up and do the exact same things we did the day before. However, what most of us fail to recognize is that we also recycle what we think and believe.

This weekend, we said goodbye to a woman who seemed as if somehow she would be the one who would escape life by not dying, ever. Her smile was large and her laugh was hearty. She had an incredibly loving relationship with her husband and two handsome sons. Her big family rallied around her during her illness, which has been a five-year-long journey, but in...

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Codependency and Detachment

Codependency and Detachment

1. Codependency is about unhealthy attachments to those we believe we require validation from.

2. Codependency involves the unconscious drive to cater to, fix, rescue and enable others. 

3. Codependency is rooted in the fear of abandonment. 

Codependent people feel in control when we are able to anticipate the needs of others. In the anticipating of other's needs, we avoid the fear of abandonment. The illusion is, if people need us, they will never abandon us. 

Codependent People Fear Losing Control of How Other People See Them

We don’t realize that in taking care of others, we are avoiding how we feel. When we attract people who need to be fixed, this gives us something other to focus on but ourselves. We are so accustomed to NOT knowing how to BE with ourselves, we feel lost when we don’t have something or someone to worry about.

We lack boundaries and don’t know what we want. We know what we don’t want, but we...

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Are You Codependent? 10 Signs Your Might be

10 Signs You Might be Codependent

  1. You stay in unsatisfying relationships even though you know you should end them.
  2. You tend to be a people-pleaser and rarely worry about your own needs.
  3. You over give and yet you attract people who under deliver or who generally take rather than consider others.
  4. You find yourself feeling the need to fix or rescue others. 
  5. You worry way too much about what other people think about you.
  6. You struggle to set boundaries and you generally feel pushed around by those with strong personalities. 
  7. Your parents were alcoholics, narcissists, abusive, and or emotionally neglectful. 
  8. You don't know what you want or what might make you happy.
  9. No matter how much you give or do you never quite feel like you have done enough or that you are enough. 
  10. Your sense of value comes from doing for others or taking care of other people 

What is Codependency?

Codependency is not easy to describe because it is so multifaceted and it can involve nearly...

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What is Codependency Recovery?

Codependency Recovery

  1. Begins when we acknowledge we are not able to sustain our autonomy when in relationships with others.
  2. Is focused on healing the shame caused by learning to believe we are unworthy of love.
  3. Helps us become more self-reliant, self-trusting, and self-accountable.
  4. Is a long journey and it must not be rushed.
  5. Happens as we begin to learn how to feel our emotions, tell our truth, and learn to set healthy boundaries.

If you are suffering from codependency you are not alone. Codependency is rampant in our world today and learning to acknowledge how we enmesh, enable, attach and cling to others in unhealthy ways allows us to eventually learn to reclaim our personal self-worth. 

Many who suffer from codependency have grown up feeling abandoned by those they loved. When children experience abandonment, they naturally assume it is their fault they have been unable to gain the love they deserved. Codependency is a symptom of shame, a lack of self-love, and a product...

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Forgiving the Narcissist

 

For a very long time, I was angry, frustrated, depressed, and resentful. As Melody Beattie once described, it was like the pendulum within me flew to the opposite side of people-pleasing.

Forgiving a narcissist or someone with high narcissistic traits is NOT an easy thing to do. And when you struggle with codependency, because you have a limited sense of autonomy, it is hard enough holding onto anger let alone any other emotion.  Those of us who have begged narcissistic others for validation have been abused to our core. Once there is nothing left to give, anger becomes a liferaft. 

By the time I figured out what was wrong was faulty programming that had lead to codependent behaviors and language patterns that were all unconscious, I was a mess. Barely holding on, I was like an infected big toe. If the wind blew, I hurt. 

For years, I held onto anger and resentment and for a time, being able to connect with anger allowed me to defend myself from what seemed to be...

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Codependency and Enabling

It is so wonderful to feel heard, loved, and respected. We all want it, but why are so many of us unable to achieve this amazing standard in our relationships?

If you come from a less than perfect childhood, you may have never felt understood and today, you may want more than anything to be heard. Unfortunately, many of us from imperfect homes tend to attract partners who are very similar to the people who wounded us. The brain prefers the familiar and the personality feels attracted to what it knows. This is great news if you came from an awesome home, but if not, it is time to up your consciousness.

If you are someone who tends to make excuses for bad behavior, or if you are someone who tends to have become desensitized to other people’s abuse, chances are you probably never felt heard in childhood. You may still be wanting and expecting the people you love to hear you.

If this sounds like you, it is time YOU start to see YOU!

Begin by taking an inventory of how often you...

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Trauma May Be Controlling Your Thoughts

One of the blessings of being human is the fact that we have consciousness. Unlike animals, we have the ability to choose and to act upon our free will. Animals do not have free will. A horse cannot become a painter or violinist any more than a rose can choose to become a tulip. A tree is rooted in where its seeds have been planted. If ants wish to invade the tree, there is little the tree can do. And even a horse, if a man wishes to tame a horse and breaks its will to be free, he can. Man has dominion over the land and in the end, in spite of the horses wild and free nature, man can do what he wishes to the horse including killing it if he chooses to do so.

The human mind is not stuck inside its skull like the tree is rooted to the ground that supports it. Our mind is NOT like the horse, in that, ultimately there will be a force greater than our own that can control it. Although adult abuse survivors may feel they are being controlled by others, the truth is, it is only the belief...

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