Life, like all wonderful vacations, must come to an end. While some may see this opening line as somewhat of a depressing thought, I hope many will also view it as sobering as well.
Life is a temporary thing and very much like a vacation, it does not last forever. Time and space cause us to be spellbound by the illusion that our death is far off in the distance somewhere and yet, consciously we all know this is an illusion itself. Many of us get up and do the exact same things we did the day before. However, what most of us fail to recognize is that we also recycle what we think and believe.
This weekend, we said goodbye to a woman who seemed as if somehow she would be the one who would escape life by not dying, ever. Her smile was large and her laugh was hearty. She had an incredibly loving relationship with her husband and two handsome sons. Her big family rallied around her during her illness, which has been a five-year-long journey, but in...
1. Codependency is about unhealthy attachments to those we believe we require validation from.
2. Codependency involves the unconscious drive to cater to, fix, rescue and enable others.
3. Codependency is rooted in the fear of abandonment.
Codependent people feel in control when we are able to anticipate the needs of others. In the anticipating of other's needs, we avoid the fear of abandonment. The illusion is, if people need us, they will never abandon us.
We don’t realize that in taking care of others, we are avoiding how we feel. When we attract people who need to be fixed, this gives us something other to focus on but ourselves. We are so accustomed to NOT knowing how to BE with ourselves, we feel lost when we don’t have something or someone to worry about.
We lack boundaries and don’t know what we want. We know what we don’t want, but we...
Codependency is not easy to describe because it is so multifaceted and it can involve nearly...
If you are suffering from codependency you are not alone. Codependency is rampant in our world today and learning to acknowledge how we enmesh, enable, attach and cling to others in unhealthy ways allows us to eventually learn to reclaim our personal self-worth.
Many who suffer from codependency have grown up feeling abandoned by those they loved. When children experience abandonment, they naturally assume it is their fault they have been unable to gain the love they deserved. Codependency is a symptom of shame, a lack of self-love, and a product...
For a very long time, I was angry, frustrated, depressed, and resentful. As Melody Beattie once described, it was like the pendulum within me flew to the opposite side of people-pleasing.
Forgiving a narcissist or someone with high narcissistic traits is NOT an easy thing to do. And when you struggle with codependency, because you have a limited sense of autonomy, it is hard enough holding onto anger let alone any other emotion. Those of us who have begged narcissistic others for validation have been abused to our core. Once there is nothing left to give, anger becomes a liferaft.
By the time I figured out what was wrong was faulty programming that had lead to codependent behaviors and language patterns that were all unconscious, I was a mess. Barely holding on, I was like an infected big toe. If the wind blew, I hurt.
For years, I held onto anger and resentment and for a time, being able to connect with anger allowed me to defend myself from what seemed to be...
It is so wonderful to feel heard, loved, and respected. We all want it, but why are so many of us unable to achieve this amazing standard in our relationships?
If you come from a less than perfect childhood, you may have never felt understood and today, you may want more than anything to be heard. Unfortunately, many of us from imperfect homes tend to attract partners who are very similar to the people who wounded us. The brain prefers the familiar and the personality feels attracted to what it knows. This is great news if you came from an awesome home, but if not, it is time to up your consciousness.
If you are someone who tends to make excuses for bad behavior, or if you are someone who tends to have become desensitized to other people’s abuse, chances are you probably never felt heard in childhood. You may still be wanting and expecting the people you love to hear you.
If this sounds like you, it is time YOU start to see YOU!
Begin by taking an inventory of how often you...
One of the blessings of being human is the fact that we have consciousness. Unlike animals, we have the ability to choose and to act upon our free will. Animals do not have free will. A horse cannot become a painter or violinist any more than a rose can choose to become a tulip. A tree is rooted in where its seeds have been planted. If ants wish to invade the tree, there is little the tree can do. And even a horse, if a man wishes to tame a horse and breaks its will to be free, he can. Man has dominion over the land and in the end, in spite of the horses wild and free nature, man can do what he wishes to the horse including killing it if he chooses to do so.
The human mind is not stuck inside its skull like the tree is rooted to the ground that supports it. Our mind is NOT like the horse, in that, ultimately there will be a force greater than our own that can control it. Although adult abuse survivors may feel they are being controlled by others, the truth is, it is only the belief...
Codependents lack self-love, have little to no boundaries, dissociate, numb out, sometimes rage, and often fawn and cater to people we think might be angry at us for some reason. We can become co-dependent upon others for approval, as well as on our careers, and food. When we do not feel good enough, we can become co-dependent upon almost anything that helps us avoid the feelings of loneliness we feel on the inside.
As codependents, we have been programmed to seek validation, acceptance, and permission to feel what we feel and think about what we think. Even when we are 'feeling' and 'believing' we should end a friendship or some other type of a relationship like a marriage or business agreement, we struggle with believing we have a right to do so. Even when we get angry, we look to the one who has pushed our buttons for permission to feel upset.
When it comes to letting go, it helps to consciously accept that none of us ever let go because we want to.
Letting go is always...
All human children require connection and to be attuned to loving parents and caretakers and when that does not happen there is a dis-order in the natural evolutionary process of the human being.
This is not OUR fault. LOVE is a requirement for a healthy life.
LOVE is required for healthy brain growth, and the ability to trust others as well as the self.
If you have been abused since childhood, codependency, low self-worth, shame, guilt, anxiety, the inability to trust yourself and others are symptoms of LOVE DEFICIT DISORDER!
If you suffer from self-love deficit that’s because you FIRST suffered LOVE DEFICIT DISORDER and that is not your fault.
It is my hope, that as human consciousness expands, so does the understanding of the cause of symptoms rather than just focusing on the outcomes of causes.
Codependency is a symptom and it has definitive causative agents--none of which are the fault of the one suffering from codependency.
How many of you believe that the root of most...