Lisa A. Romano has been ranked the #1 most influential person online READ MORE

Children are meant to feel seen

Children are meant to feel seen. They are born to embrace the ever developing ego as parents do their best to manage safe boundaries. Children need to be encouraged as well as disciplined and as often as a child is told 'yes' it is important to balance their perceptions of expectations with a fair dose of 'no'.
Narcissistic parents have not grown past ego.
They justify and rationalize their selfishness, toxic relationship choices, and fail to look at the consequences of their actions. Sadly, it is far too easy to pretend a painful reality does not exist and that children are not being impacted by a parent's level of self absorption than it is to make changes that will rock the boat.
Far too often, children are made to feel like it is their job to make their parents look and feel good. Their faces might present two upward pointing lips, but their eyes will tell the truth. They are stuck and feel powerless to the parents who make excuses for the way they criticize, devalue,...
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As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us

As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us from our toxic homes. We relied on these fantasies to help us get through a day, however, there are very real consequences to whimsical thinking.

While we were still unaware we were unaware, our brains and minds became attuned to thinking and believing in relationship dynamics that were built upon pain, immaturity, and fantasy.

Although imagining being rescued or being the rescuer helped to fill our depressed brains with fuzzy warm feeling hormones like oxytocin, on a very deep level, we were developing beliefs about how life should be.
As healing codependent adults, we need to be very careful about the way we perceive ourselves, others, and relationships.

We need to ask ourselves;
"Have I idealized this person and now, as the honeymoon period wears off, am I blaming this person for NOT sizing up to the fantasy version of this person I talked myself into...

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Children are not born knowing how to love self

There is nothing that upsets me or excites me more than an adult child of an alcoholic, or an adult child of a dysfunctional home who is on the cusp of being able to comprehend that he/she is NOT her thoughts.


When you are born to parents who cannot SEE you, who cannot HEAR you, who are unaware at how self absorbed they are--in relation to you--YOU never learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Because it is the absolute responsibility of the parent to instill within a child a sense of unconditional love and acceptance--children are not born knowing how to love self. In fact, children learn about their worth or lack of through their relationships with parents. If the parents are dysfunctional, then so will be the messages the child receives about self, others, the world, relationships and love.


Perhaps the saddest thing about being a wounded adult child of a dysfunctional parent--is how often we tend to argue for our limitations. We argue for why we can't stop smoking, lose...

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Have you been kicked while down and did you decide to rise again?

Vince Lombardi has stated, “The greatest accomplishment is not in never failing, but in rising again after you fall.”

Abused adult children are terrified of appearing NOT perfect. TOXIC shame is at the core of our fear of feeling vulnerable and until we reconcile our humanness and understand that there is NO joy in never having to accomplish anything, we may stuck in cycles of self-sabotaging behaviors.

It takes WARRIOR like strength to put yourself out there and believe in a dream, especially when you come up against those who find joy in kicking you when you are down.

We win when we rise regardless of the cacklers in our midst and the bruises on our knees.

Have you been kicked while down and did you decide to rise again?

#WisdomWednesday

 

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Master your mind

We may think that what hurts us most are the experiences we experienced as children we were not able to process, integrate, or understand. However, what hurts a child the most is having a painful experience ignored, denied, or marginalized by the caretakers they adore, respect, love, and need to survive.

It is normal for the mind to wish to flee from painful memories and to even panic when bodily sensations surface in response to a pain-filled recalled memory. However, recoiling keeps us stuck in the amygdala living in fear and afraid of our thoughts.

Learning to sit with our pain is a new experience for many of us and mastering our minds to the point where we can observe our racing heart and our scattered thoughts is a spiritual practice.

The brain, mind, and body will do what it was designed to do and that is alright...the fight or flight system is nothing to fear, however, it should be understood.

Learn to observe your scattered thoughts, racing heart, and bodily sensations...

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Within each of us is an INNER CHILD

Within each of us is an INNER CHILD that has only wanted to be loved and to love.

Outside of our conscious awareness, the INNER CHILD may be running our lives and we may not realize just how often we give over our power to others because the INNER CHILD’S PSYCHE is directing our inner narrative.

Today, in this precise moment, you have the opportunity to help the INNER CHILD feel more protected, seen, respected and validated. In this moment, you have the chance to remind your INNER CHILD that the more adult you is in charge now. The more adult you no longer needs to seek validation, fawn, fight, run away, or dissociate from scary situations that show up. Today, you have the opportunity and the DIVINE RIGHT to think about the way you think, rather than react to what shows up.

If you are learning to THINK before you REACT, KUDOS to you Dear One!

Thinking should be celebrated!

#GratitudeTuesday

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Do You Struggle With Saying ‘I Am Sorry’?

Many of us struggle with saying, ‘I am sorry.’

Saying we are sorry triggers all sorts of shame for those of us who have come from abusive homes. We have a difficult time seeing ourselves realistically and so when we make a mistake, even if that mistake was a tiny one, we FEEL like we are the worst person in the world. Even though we might have accidentally spilled a glass of milk, to us it feels as if we’ve shattered a century old crystal pitcher that was once owned by the Queen of England.

When an abused adult child makes a mistake, it never feels like a mistake. It always feels like something sinister.

Loving the self demands that we see ourselves as perfectly flawed, imperfect, and human. Thinking that the goal is perfection, dysregulates our emotions, and interrupts our ability to see the self in a realistic light.

This weekend, spend some time confronting any perfectionistic qualities that include judging yourself unrealistically. Be kind to yourself and see...
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We Are NOT Children Anymore

As children, we did not have a choice. We were powerless to others and to the perceptions that were created by our very limited, fragile, and impressionable minds.

But—we are NOT children anymore.

Today, we CAN remind ourselves that we are ENOUGH and that what happened in our pasts does not have to hold us back, define us, or prevent us from GOING AFTER OUR DREAMS.

Hey, Dear Ones—life is temporary for all of us—and that is okay—because we are all in the same mortal boat.

Why waste our creative mind or our thoughts or our lives on ideas that prevent us from really GOING FOR IT?

Today, in spite of what has been, define ONE dream or ONE goal and see how many amazing ways you can think of to inch closer and closer to achieving your dreams.

This is a 3D world and it will require ACTION on your part to make your dream come true—so don’t let the past dictate your NOW or your future any longer.

GO FOR IT!

Namaste…

#MotivationMonday

 

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