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Honoring the Self

Honoring the Self

When we don't honor the self, we are disconnecting from our true source of power.

As children, we honored our parents and believed in whatever we were taught, felt and experienced. If we felt unloved, we believed that meant we were unlovable. We did not know it was possible to be objective or to see our parents as 'wrong'.

As adults, we eventually learn that what happens in childhood repeats in adulthood. Like a reflection to our past, what we saw and learned to believe we tend to see and believe outside of us as adults.

On the road to recovery, healing codependency and narcissistic abuse, we learn to be more objective about who we think we are, or who we have been taught to think we are.

Learning to honor yourself is a process of self-actualization. It means we are willing to peek into Pandora's box like a detective looks for clues, rather than reacting to the instinctive emotional impulse to run, hide, deny, eat, or react.
If you are learning to honor the self,...
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Healing from the Past

Healing from the Past

When we are children we know we are powerless. We know we are small. We know that asking for permission is part of the role we must play and accept. It is what it is.

As we grow, and if we do not learn to release the need to feel like we need permission to BE who we are, and to do what we wish to do, we wait for permission.

  • We wait for permission to feel, to think, to do, to want, and to explore what we wish.We wait for permission to be happy or sad.
  • We wait for permission to try something new or we wait to be excused from having to do something we hate.


Below the Veil of Consciousness

Below the veil of consciousness, we remain in invisible shackles, and like the baby elephant who has been chained to a tree and as an adult elephant does not know it can run far from that tree, we stay where we were rooted.

Today, consider the idea that you are absolutely ALLOWED to explore yourself!
You are absolutely allowed to FEEL what you feel.

You are absolutely...

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Healing codependency gives birth to consciousness

Deepak Chopra speaks of the field of potential.
Eckhart Tolle speaks of quieting the Ego and learning to become the observer.
My issue is if we have shame closing the door to our ability to observe what is, we naturally stay bound to the wheels of karma through subconscious programming.
My mind will NOT run towards an emotional forest fire within me.
My mind will NOT never be able to access the field of potential if the default settings of my wounded ego are wired to deny, deflect and dissociate.
Therefore, the only way to access the field of potential is to learn how to freaking OBSERVE myself walking through the damn forest fire of emotions within me!
If I want to access the field of potential, yes, I must become the observer BUT I also have to learn to surrender to the pain and override my egos desire to prevent me from experiencing more pain.
Codependency enmeshed us. We believed we were our emotions, feelings, and bodily sensations....
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Far too often people who do not understand that in order to heal an emotion you must feel an emotion

I am not 'playing the victim' when I admit that as a child I was brainwashed to believe my emotions were irrelevant and that the more I tried to pretend I did not have feelings, the crazier, lonelier and more terrified I felt.

Far too often people who do not understand that in order to heal an emotion you must feel an emotion, judge those who are struggling to validate why they feel the way they do.

I have heard people tell others 'to suck it up -- get over the past -- stop whining -- it is time to put your adult panties back on' and so on.

While there is a seed of truth in what people like these are saying: we all need to eventually get to a place where we understand that the only person who can help us move past the past is us, shaming others for struggling to process experiences they were denied the right to experience is ignorant, judgmental, unnecessary, and just plain wrong.

Emotions motivate EVERY decision, thought, action, desire, word, and inactions we can experience.


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Shame conditions a child to believe who they are is not enough

Shame is a powerful emotional experience.
When a child is shamed, they are forced to detach from the very essence of who they are. Shame conditions a child to believe who they are is not enough. This is where our identity issues originate; in the belly of shame.

It is time to help the inner child fully understand that they never, ever should have been shamed for anything.

Parents use shame to control their children. Even the best of parents do this without realizing the consequences.

If you wish to know where addictions come from, consider how a child has experienced themselves as a shameful being.

Eating disorders, alcoholism, drugs, risk taking behaviors, anger, and rage...consider them all and then ask yourself, 'Has this child, or have I, ever been shamed?'

Shame has cut us off from love...and only love can help us find our way back home...

Dear One, nothing that happens in childhood is the fault of the child. Anything that occurs due to the corruption of a home, a family, or a bond to...
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Codependents react to just about anything, everything, and anyone

Codependents react to just about anything, everything, and anyone.
We are hypervigilant and live in fear of having our 'not good enough' nerve pounced on.

At our core, we feel abandoned, powerless, and as if we are broken. We have spent our lives trying to figure out how to fawn enough, shut up enough, do enough, cater enough, but nothing has offered us the feeling of love we have chased after.

We live on the edge and in fear of feeling further abandoned but we do not realize, in every interaction, and every time we react, we are recycling our initial abandonment.

As codependents we react to our emotions and the emotions of others; we react to what people do and don't do, and struggle to stay in our bodies, process our feelings and stay grounded in our own God Self Energy.
Our ego-mind has been in control for far too long, and only when we become disciplined enough to our inner self, can we hope to be less reactive to those things, people, situations and circumstances that brew outside...

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All children deserve a connection and those who did not receive attention now struggle with...

Many of us grew up being shamed for wanting a connection and in our parent's twisted reality, this was seen as a bad or selfish desire.

All children deserve a connection and those who did not receive attention now struggle with trust issues, abandonment and attachment traumas.

If your parents understood the power of attention, you would not crave connection today, at least not in a codependent kind of way.

Many of us who crave connections in a codependent kind of way have been starved of affection, validation and healthy nurturing, and that is not our fault.
Be brave enough to see the truth and do all you can to give yourself all the love, affection and connection you always deserved.
You are enough!

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When you have experienced trauma, often you don't even know it

When you have experienced trauma, often you don't even know it. You know you feel anxious, unwell, and like something is wrong, and maybe you even believe on some deep level, you are not enough, but all too often, trauma victims don't realize they have experienced legitimate traumatic experiences.
And then you have the abusers who inflict the trauma who insist on acting like they are not abusing you.
Well, isn't that special?
Childhood trauma is inflicted on the innocent, the powerless, the helpless and the angelic. Children cannot fight back, speak up, or run from the abusers they are dependent upon, AND abusers know this!
Children are forced to deny what their hearts and bodies tell them they know is wrong, which forces their minds to find ways to perform mental acrobatics in order to get through a day and NOT consistently bump up against emotions, experiences, and situations they are defenseless against and the abusers pretend...
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Codependents struggle with knowing who they are

For years I ignored my body, my emotions, my spiritual, emotional, and mental self. I was unaware I was a reactive being and enmeshed with those around me. My moods, thoughts, and actions were the effects, and other people's moods, thoughts and actions were the cause.

Codependency recovery requires detachment and this process is anything but pleasant, easy, or quick.

Codependents struggle with knowing who they are.

We struggle with our identity and often tie our sense of self to how well we are able to gain validation and acceptance from others.

Our behaviors are co-dependent, reactive, and dependent upon how well we serve others. And when we do for others and fail to have others treat us as we unconsciously expected, our deepest abandonment wounds are triggered.
Our relationships are co-dependent and we fail to make ourselves a priority.
These days, I respect certain Codependency Commandments and I especially appreciate the importance of respecting my divine body.

I hope you are learning...

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When you have not been raised to love yourself, it is far too easy to grow up feeling disconnected from the self

When you grow up guessing at what normal is, it is super easy to not know how to react, how to respond, what to think or how to feel.

When you have not been raised to love yourself, and instead, you are forced to live in a state of hypervigilance, it is far too easy to grow up feeling disconnected from the divine self.

Learning to accept the self, how we feel, what we think, what we desire, need and believe is a heroic journey for someone who has been conditioned to live as if who they are is insignificant.

Childhood trauma conditions a human to fear just about everything!
Dissecting our belief systems we discover how unfairly we were programmed to sacrifice the self for the sake of keeping others happy, calm, and content.
Healing requires we unlearn faulty concepts while we also take on the incredible task of learning healthy concepts.

In the end, the universe rewards those who love themselves and those who have figured out how to put themselves first. The universe accepts whatever...

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