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Denied Love

Denied Love Does Not Make You Unlovable

 
"It's all in your mind."
 
You've heard that been said before and it's true.
 
Our identity is a mix of what we learned about the world, the meanings we attached to those experiences, as well as the emotions that naturally surfaced during particular instances, and the memories that were consolidated over time.
 
If you learned life was unpredictable, abuse was the norm, love was not a given, and that your body, mind, soul, heart, tears, cries, needs, wants and space were irrelevant, you may not understand that those experiences shaped your IDENTITY.
 
Not feeling worthy, good enough, seen, valued, understood, nurtured, wanted, loved, respected, appreciated are all experiences that have been stored in your memories. Over time, these memories become neurological pathways that stem from the innumerable ghostly doors that live in the subconscious mind.
 
These doors hold our boo boos; the ones that went...
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Healing from the Past

Healing from the Past

When we are children we know we are powerless. We know we are small. We know that asking for permission is part of the role we must play and accept. It is what it is.


As we grow, and if we do not learn to release the need to feel like we need permission to BE who we are, and to do what we wish to do, we wait for permission.

  • We wait for permission to feel, to think, to do, to want, and to explore what we wish.We wait for permission to be happy or sad.
  • We wait for permission to try something new or we wait to be excused from having to do something we hate.

 

Below the Veil of Consciousness

Below the veil of consciousness, we remain in invisible shackles, and like the baby elephant who has been chained to a tree and as an adult elephant does not know it can run far from that tree, we stay where we were rooted.

Today, consider the idea that you are absolutely ALLOWED to explore yourself!
You are absolutely allowed to FEEL what you feel.

You are absolutely...

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Emotional abuse is invisible but it packs a punch to our nonphysical systems

Emotional abuse is invisible but it packs a punch to our nonphysical systems like our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves.

Abuse is defined as any action designed to cause another person harm.
Emotional abuse is used as a means to gain entry inside someone's mind. When an abuser has gained enough power over their victims, the abuser does not have to work as hard to gain control.

Learned helplessness is a state in which victims learn to believe there is no way out. Fighting back has proven futile and often, exasperated abuse.
Dark personalities push for the day when they have successfully nudged their victims over the learned helplessness finish line. Past this line, is an invisible dungeon where the mental bodies of the victim and the abuser live. No one else can see this dungeon which makes the abuse victim feel lost, forgotten, and powerless.

Hope is the golden milk abuse survivors need in order to peel off the shame, fear, and confusion caused by emotional abuse long enough to...

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Human beings can go an entire lifetime, unaware that...

Human beings can go an entire lifetime, unaware that the thoughts that are flowing through our minds are all tied to what information, patterns, beliefs, and programs have been downloaded as a result of childhood experiences.


Childhood emotional neglect causes great trauma and many of us fail to recognize how being ignored, treated with indifference, and sometimes even with contempt, can cause us to become emotionally arrested without us even realizing this to be true. 


Don't worry too much, if you avoid feeling YOUR emotions. We all do. It is normal to avoid pain and in fact, our brain was designed to avoid it. BUT--we are MAGNIFICENT HUMAN BEINGS and we are extensions of INFINITE INTELLIGENCE, so that means, we are CREATORS and we can change our BRAINS! We can face our pain, change our brain, AND create a new, healthier paradigm. 


Codependents have been programmed to believe that what they feel, and what they need is unimportant. Childhood emotional neglect, as well as...

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As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us

As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us from our toxic homes. We relied on these fantasies to help us get through a day, however, there are very real consequences to whimsical thinking.

While we were still unaware we were unaware, our brains and minds became attuned to thinking and believing in relationship dynamics that were built upon pain, immaturity, and fantasy.

Although imagining being rescued or being the rescuer helped to fill our depressed brains with fuzzy warm feeling hormones like oxytocin, on a very deep level, we were developing beliefs about how life should be.
As healing codependent adults, we need to be very careful about the way we perceive ourselves, others, and relationships.

We need to ask ourselves;
"Have I idealized this person and now, as the honeymoon period wears off, am I blaming this person for NOT sizing up to the fantasy version of this person I talked myself into...

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Children are not born knowing how to love self

There is nothing that upsets me or excites me more than an adult child of an alcoholic, or an adult child of a dysfunctional home who is on the cusp of being able to comprehend that he/she is NOT her thoughts.


When you are born to parents who cannot SEE you, who cannot HEAR you, who are unaware at how self absorbed they are--in relation to you--YOU never learn to be comfortable in your own skin. Because it is the absolute responsibility of the parent to instill within a child a sense of unconditional love and acceptance--children are not born knowing how to love self. In fact, children learn about their worth or lack of through their relationships with parents. If the parents are dysfunctional, then so will be the messages the child receives about self, others, the world, relationships and love.


Perhaps the saddest thing about being a wounded adult child of a dysfunctional parent--is how often we tend to argue for our limitations. We argue for why we can't stop smoking, lose...

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As adults, codependency manifests in the way we relate to others

CPTSD causes someone with attachment and abandonment trauma to learn to believe they are unworthy of love.

When as a child, you have never felt seen, and the feeling of rejection is so deep, you are unable to find raw value in yourself, this creates trauma.

Chronic emotional trauma, unpredictability, and feelings of powerlessness are not states of 'being' a child can escape and as a result, children who are unable to return to a 'flow' state of peace, calm, and a sense of safety, stew in anxiety and stress.

As adults, codependency manifests in the way we relate to others. Rather than seek love because we know we are worthy of love, we go about getting our needs for 'attachment' through maladaptive avenues. Rather than flow with love, we seek to cater and act in service to others, hoping we can avoid the hole within feeling rejected and abandoned has created.

In relationships, a codependent who was shy as a child will be more passive, withdrawn, and reserve, while catering to the...

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The more you have been bruised as a child, the deeper the nails of your ego will want to stay dug into your soul

The undeniable truth is that at your core--apart from who your parents were, or what they taught you, or what they did to you--you are perfect in every sense of the word.

At your core--apart from all the negative influences of earlier and less evolved man--you are as divine as any star, moon, or sun. At your core--apart from what society, advertisers, family, friends, or schools have taught you to believe about you and your world--you are as worthy as any planet in the sky.

At your core--apart from what you have been wrongly conditioned to believe about you and this world--everything is unblemished and is in harmony with the universe and universes at large whether man consciously believes it is or not.

There is no need to worry.

The planet, the sun, the moons, and all the other planets in our galaxy have never been told how to spin, or shine, or rest. The sky knows when to rain down on the ground below, and the earth knows just how quickly to revolve. Our hearts beat according to the...

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Narcissists need a toy to play with

Narcissists need a toy to play with. Much like cats play with mice, narcs like to lay in waiting until the mouse feels secure and is out in the open. Once the mouse is out in the open and is feeling safe, that is when the cat strikes the hardest. When the mouse least expects to be taken over, that is when cats enjoy striking the most.

Narcissists are clever. They lure victims in with their compliments, kind words, and adoration. In the beginning, and during the 'safe phase' they pretend to 'see' their victims in ways others have failed to. If you are a tired wife, a narcissistic man will be sure to pick up on your weary feelings and drown you with praise. He will lead you to believe that others are fools for not noticing how hard you work. He will tell you your husband is a fool for not appreciating his hard working wife. You will feel seen, heard, validated, understood, and soon you will begin to feel young and even sexy again. He will look at you in ways that make you feel...

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We ALL have the right to live happily and have meaningful lives.

Life changes are difficult for everyone. When we are faced with confronting our addictions, failed marriages, troubled children, or we are told we are facing a major health crisis, in most cases, many of us realize something (although we may not know what) has to change.

All those times we drank, popped a pill, had sex, argued, or fell asleep, instead of listening to our divine inner guidance leads us to places in our life where the pain has become so excruciating we burn out. Our once smiley codependent, people pleasing dispositions have been buried by all the stuffing and denying we have done for the sake of not rocking the boat. And it's not that we don't want to rock the boat as much as it is we don't know what to do when we actually do rock the boat.

One of the reasons I feel so compelled to speak out on behalf of all the silent abused adult children of the world is because I simply do not think it is fair that those of us who have been denied healthy coping skills, meaningful...

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