Codependency in a nutshell
When I did not know I was externally focused and detached from the self, I felt like I was going crazy. I kept doing for others what I thought a 'good' person should do, and yet, within me, I felt lonelier and grew angrier as time went on.
I had no idea I was unconscious and living my life below a gossamer veil, through an ego that had no other choice but to run on auto-pilot. I had no awareness of authentic self-awareness and like a puppy, I spent my days seeking a pat on the head, or the right to go for a walk outside.
Hell yes, I was angry, frustrated, and resentful. I lived with someone who felt like he was superior to me and that I absolutely SHOULD cater, fawn, and subjugate my needs for his. Like a hand in a glove, my unconsciousness felt like a perfect fit for someone who was as unconscious as I was, and who needed to covertly control our relationship, in spite of how big my mouth was.
Codependents complain, but they rarely end toxic relationships. In...
Have you ever been too loyal?
When you are codependent, you don't always know that there is data missing in your subconscious mind that will prevent you from acknowledging toxic relationships and people for what they really are.
When you are codependent you don't know that there are TOOLS missing from your shed. You're like a farmer that knows nothing about tractors and cuts their hay with scissors from the kitchen drawer. You don't know what you don't know. You don't understand what you never learned. You do what you've always done.
When you are codependent, you fear abandonment, seek connection, and are often loyal to a detriment of your own. You don't recognize you are in danger and sadly, often, you do all you can to keep toxic others calm, content, happy, and do all you can to make sure they have nothing to complain about.
All the while, you lose yourself more a little each day.
Have you ever been too loyal?
It is healthy to ask
What do you generally do when you have a need for clarity while speaking to someone?
What do you generally feel when someone has lashed out at you, verbally abused you, and is using you as an emotional punching bag?
What do you do when you are sick, feel unwell and have those who ask you to take things on you know you cannot?
If you were taught to believe it was your responsibility to do what others think you should do because NOT doing what was expected might be seen as rude, unkind, or selfish, it is time to take a good long look at how well you do at setting healthy boundaries.
If you were taught to believe love was conditional and it was your job to absolutely become what you knew others wished for you to become, you may have a hard time asking for space and time to consider choices that are most authentic for you.
It is healthy to 'ASK' and to show up for your authentic self, even if you know your truth will disappoint some. Those who...
Why You Cant' Have Healthy Relationships
Why You Can't Have Healthy Relationships
Codependency is tied to shame, loneliness, poor boundaries, and a lack of life skills. When you are codependent, unhealthy relationships are the norm. You don't naturally watch after the self, and you tend to worry more about what others think about you than what you think about you. The past has become your NOW and you have no clue how to change what needs to be changed. Sadly, healthy relationships slip away as unhealthy dynamics continue to flourish.
Codependents tend to stay in toxic relationships even when they know they are toxic. Codependents will complain, cry, withdraw, and can find themselves living with intolerable anger and frustration. Patterns from the past, deep fears of abandonment, poor boundaries, and a lack of self makes it impossible to confront all that needs to be properly dealt with.
If you're codependent, you need a connection to the self and faith to believe that the self you are is valuable,...
Codependency and Honoring the Self
Codependency Recovery Means Honoring the Self
Learning to live in the grey zone is a challenge for someone struggling with codependency.
Relationships can trigger all sorts of anxieties and cause us to fear rejection and abandonment especially when dismissed by someone we care about.
Consider the budding friendship with a coworker who you have begun to enjoy spending time with, who out of the blue forgets to call you when she said she would, or worse, mocks you for asking why she did not call when she said she would.
Ugh...
Codependency and Denial
Healing codependents must learn to manage those parts of themselves that want to caretake, rescue, and fawn especially when they are being dismissed, ridiculed, gaslighted, and made fun of for being emotional, open, vulnerable and caring. Our normal default lands us in the denial zone, which only leads to more heartache down the road.
One of our greatest challenges that face a...
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