Reprogram the Codependent Mind

The only thing we can create are those things we believe in and the opposite is true as well.

No one can create what they do not believe is possible to create.

When I think about my mom, who spent over 50 years appeasing a narcissist whose agenda it was to keep her small, afraid, in check, and to himself, a fire ignites in the pit of my soul.

When I think about the sexual abuse my mother endured as a child, and how it was never spoken about, my teeth clench.

When I think about my mother's father domestically abusing my grandmother, I have to close my eyes and take deep breaths.

When I think about my grandmother showing up drunk and with a wet head, with mascara dripping down her face at my mother's wedding, I have to try not to crawl out of my skin.

When I think about my mother's last year of life, and I remember the callous ways in which my father spoke to her, and I recall the words he used to describe how angry he was with her dementia, I want to scream--and some days I do.

When...

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Children and Social Media

If we want to save the children, we must play with them...so simple--yet so profound...

Children who cannot trust that their world is safe, cannot let go and unleash their creativity nor can they connect to the self.

Instead, they will be stuck, hyper-vigilant, afraid, and on guard for the next attack. Their world will feel prickly, unsafe, and cold.

They will feel alienated from others as well as from the self and suffer from not being able to connect with others.

They may become resentful and angry and live in fear of letting anyone too close. Video games, drugs, self-harm, and alike, become ways to escape oppressive loneliness.

Every smiling face they see on social media, or at the cafe will remind them of this loneliness.

We change the world when we understand just how dark and deep any of us can get....and like it is written--"there but for the sake of God go I"

We all needed to FEEL loved and to FEEL safe and to FEEL wanted--and for those of us who NEVER felt this way--and...

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Breaking the Cycle of Codependency

Anything that we experience within the mental and or emotional body must manifest in the physical body. We can never separate our emotional or mental experience from our physical bodies--as all beings are the sum of that which is experienced on every level of existence.

Codependent relationships are maddening--as it is a dynamic that sucks emotional and mental bodies in like vacuums.

One minute a codependent being can be laughing and enjoying the sound of a child's laughter, and the next--he/she can notice an unease in their partner's facial expression and suddenly feel sucked into a dark hole mentally and emotionally.

One glance--one glare--one frown--one shrug of a shoulder--one movement--one word--one sentence--is all it takes for a codependent being to fill with dread.

When you are codependent--you--and your stability is not the priority.

Like a prisoner sentenced to live life according to the rules set by others--codependents play by the rules of others--and lose themselves bit...

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Healing Mantra

Happy New Year Dear Ones!

Did you know that all children who ever felt disconnected and NOT attuned to were conditioned to live in a state of survival?

Did you know that a child's brain is in a state of rapid growth in the first year of life and that being born to dysfunctional parents and chaotic conditions literally wire a child's stress response system to be hypersensitive?

Every single one of us makes sense.  For lifetimes, people have struggled with wondering why they felt the way they do.  I remember judging myself mercilessly because I had anxiety and suffered panic attacks.  I remember loathing myself and the terrible way in which I would berate myself as I felt a panic attack coming on. 

But those days are long gone.  I am not saying I never have a bad day. I am saying, however, that my mind is far clearer these days, and that even when my emotions are high, I have learned how to pull my focus back into my body without judgment.  Because I...

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When You're Not So Happy During the Holidays

Forgive me for not sending the standard, 'Ho Ho Ho Happy Holiday Message'. I promise you I am not a scrooge or some old resentful woman whose agenda it is to bring people down during the holidays.  In fact, this message is really about LOVE, HOPE, and JOY in spite of its title.

As a Life Coach and as someone who has coached thousands of people personally, as well as through my online coaching platforms, I have learned to believe that the majority of us who have come from less than super nurturing homes, don't always look forward to the holiday season. In fact, many of us experience an exacerbation of feelings of loneliness, depression, sadness, and despair.  

There are many different reasons why so many of us experience less than joy during this time of year. Sometimes our bodies are recalling the trauma and the drama we experienced during the holidays as children, and below the veil of consciousness, our subconscious mind is simply making connections.  In my...

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Codependency and our Higher Power

It is not uncommon for abused adult children to put someone they know on a pedestal. Often those of us who have experienced childhood trauma, attach ourselves to best friends, people, lovers, spouses, and alike, and place all our dreams upon these ‘others.’ On some level, we are escaping the abyss our abandonment trauma has left in its wake by making someone else or something our external higher power. This friend, we think, shall help us avoid the pain we know lurks within our soul. We become ATTACHED and live in FEAR that the relationship one day may possibly end, although we may never consciously acknowledge that this is true.

This type of codependency only reinforces our lack of self-love. Whenever we make someone else our god, savior or rescuer, we are turning away from the DIVINE SOURCE within us. When we ATTACH to someone outside of us, in an attempt to avoid our abandonment trauma, we unknowingly place unrealistic expectations upon them. We unconsciously wish...

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Dealing With Negative People

 

It took me a very long time to realize that when I reacted to aggressive others with the same intensity that they offered me, that I was actually equalizing myself to THEIR energies. 

When I finally SHUTTY SHUTTY and learned to OBSERVE myself, I was able to acknowledge this vibrational truth.  Once I acknowledged how I was showing up in my own skin, I found the FREE WILL to liberate myself from EGO.

We may not always realize it, but other people's anger has the ability to CONTROL us outside our conscious awareness.  

To be liberated is find the ability to control the mind and especially our emotions. 

The next time someone throws their anger and shade your way, bob and weave Dear Ones--bob and weave. 

Don't take the bait--stay in the vibration of LOVE.

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College Students Learning About the Self

 

We teach our College Students about economics and statistics. We think by preparing them to 'work in a field of their choice that we are preparing them for life but that is not the case.  Preparing someone to be effective at a skill is not the same as preparing them for life, and since all life is centered upon the one life--living the life, it is essential we expand our understanding of what it means to prepare children for life. 

I was honored to be invited to speak to some College Students about Codependency, Unhealthy Attachments, and the Self.  It was a complete humble pleasure to be asked such thought provoking questions and to have College Students walk away wondering things like, "Why am I valuable? What makes me valuable? Why am I worthy?"

My hope was to expand the consciousness of these amazing students with ideas that allowed them to feel connected to the idea that they are valuable simply because they exist and that the things that they choose to do...

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