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Letting Toxic Family Members Go

Letting Go of Toxic Family Members

One of the most difficult things we can do as human beings is detach from dysfunctional family. Our innate survival default will draw us to bonding with family, even if our family is dysfunctional. 

When our family is dysfunctional, the problems are not always visible. 

In this video, I help people understand the need to learn how to validate the self, when someone decides to go no contact with toxic family members. 

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Narcissists Don't Always Know They are Narcissists

Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists.

We have to keep this in mind. A narcissist is like speaking to a tree. A tree is convinced its a tree. But what if the tree was really a bush but the bush just thought it was a tree? 


Some narcissists insist they are kind, wonderful human beings. They are unaware they are not trees--they are NOT kind and they are not LOVING. Instead they are self-absorbed and only exhibit kind and loving behaviors when it SUITS THEM.

They are only able to appear to be kind and loving when doing so helps make THEM look good.

Vulnerable Narcissists

Beware of the wolf in grandma's clothing, who smells like warm baked apple pie. They may have tears in their eyes, gifts in their arms and look like sheep, but before long, you'll begin to feel like you've got claws in your back. 

The shy vulnerable narcissist is the person who uses a sob story to lure you into their lair of emotional doom! They will...

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When Mothers Fail

When Mother's Fail

A child's first protector is its mother and when a mother fails to protect her child from other's abuse and in turn becomes a perpetrator, her child will suffer the greatest human tragedy. The wounds will be invisible. No one will understand the ingredients that make up the child's tears. No one will fathom the heaviness of the child's vibration, and yet, when the child cries or acts out, others will assume what is wrong is the child.

Abuse happens in bedrooms, kitchens, living rooms, and basements when the front doors are locked and the house windows are closed. Family and friends, school personnel and even authorities often dismiss the possibility of abuse, denying their own ignorance and justifying their disbelief based on a subconscious conflict. Often people dismiss abuse as a reality because THEY have not witnessed the abuse, although logical minds understand abuse happens when there are no witnesses to be found.

When mothers fail, every system of a...

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Codependency is the result of faulty childhood programming and is rooted in the guts of emotional wounds suffered as a child

As an author and Life Coach dedicated to sharing what she has learned in this lifetime, with the intent of helping others heal their troubled pasts, oftentimes I find myself teetering upon quite a delicate tightrope.
 
Because I believe firmly that most emotional woes are rooted in codependent thought processes, I do not believe it is possible to heal a wound one cannot name. Healing codependency requires great personal courage as well as conviction. Most abusers deny that any abuse has ever taken place, which leaves the child victim not only feeling invalidated, but often questioning their own perceptions of the past. In these types of cases, defining wounds of the past can be a most daunting task.
 
When caretakers refuse to acknowledge any abuse has taken place, it is up to the individual in search of healing to learn to honor their own perceptions, in spite of being invalidated by the others in their lives. Healing can often be a most terrifying experience....
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Healing codependency gives birth to consciousness

Deepak Chopra speaks of the field of potential.
Eckhart Tolle speaks of quieting the Ego and learning to become the observer.
 
My issue is if we have shame closing the door to our ability to observe what is, we naturally stay bound to the wheels of karma through subconscious programming.
 
My mind will NOT run towards an emotional forest fire within me.
My mind will NOT never be able to access the field of potential if the default settings of my wounded ego are wired to deny, deflect and dissociate.
 
Therefore, the only way to access the field of potential is to learn how to freaking OBSERVE myself walking through the damn forest fire of emotions within me!
 
If I want to access the field of potential, yes, I must become the observer BUT I also have to learn to surrender to the pain and override my egos desire to prevent me from experiencing more pain.
 
Codependency enmeshed us. We believed we were our emotions, feelings, and bodily sensations....
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Being born to narcissists means we have been born to people who are incapable of authentic love.

Abandonment by narcissistic parents can create codependency later on in life for the child of a narcissist. Abandonment by a parent causes deep emotional wounds that can lead to a fear of abandonment and rejection.

Healing our abandonment issues begins with understanding why we fear abandonment in the first place. If you are the child of a narcissist, you were abandoned. This is not made up! You were actually abandoned emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Narcissistic parents project their own flaws onto their children cause great psychological abuse.

Narcissistic parents essentially teach us--their children, that who we are as individuals and souls are unimportant. Being born to narcissists means we have been born to people who are incapable of authentic love. This inability to connect on a heart level to our parents, makes us--the children feel and believe its all our fault. We are unlovable we falsely presume.

This one false premise changes EVERYTHING. It alters the...

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Far too often people who do not understand that in order to heal an emotion you must feel an emotion

I am not 'playing the victim' when I admit that as a child I was brainwashed to believe my emotions were irrelevant and that the more I tried to pretend I did not have feelings, the crazier, lonelier and more terrified I felt.


Far too often people who do not understand that in order to heal an emotion you must feel an emotion, judge those who are struggling to validate why they feel the way they do.


I have heard people tell others 'to suck it up -- get over the past -- stop whining -- it is time to put your adult panties back on' and so on.


While there is a seed of truth in what people like these are saying: we all need to eventually get to a place where we understand that the only person who can help us move past the past is us, shaming others for struggling to process experiences they were denied the right to experience is ignorant, judgmental, unnecessary, and just plain wrong.


Emotions motivate EVERY decision, thought, action, desire, word, and inactions we can experience.


When...

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Until we face our inner wounds, we stay stuck

Wounded daughters often enmesh with their mothers and fail to acknowledge the deep painful consequences a mother’s abandonment and rejection can cause.
This inability to acknowledge the wounds within, keeps daughters codependent, enabling, rescuing, fixing, and denying the need to stop catering to dysfunctional mothers who have failed to heal themselves, or who refuse to acknowledge their own need for healing.
Every son and every daughter needs to make the psychological and emotional break, that frees them of the fear of their mother’s abandonment.
Until we face our inner wounds, we stay stuck, codependent and rescuing mothers that have failed to rescue us. This dynamic keeps us in the rescuer role, parentified, and unable to create the distance we need in order to successfully learn to love the self.
Enmeshment is where we lose ourselves to fantasies about one day finally being able to be 'good enough' for the type of mother love we always craved.
As we grow in...
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If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR

If it was easy to have healthy balanced relationships, everyone we know would be doing it, including ourselves.

The reality is, people are human, most of them are asleep to some degree, and all of us have subconscious wounds we carry, whether we are aware of them or not. This means that when we meet someone, it is HIGHLY unrealistic to presume that they will never hurt our feelings, say something that will piss us off, or meet every one of our needs every time we have a need that needs to get met. It is just as unrealistic to presume we will not offend someone we care about, no matter how hard we try.

If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR. We aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. We don’t read minds and neither do most people we meet, although often, we expect people to know precisely what we need even if we don’t have a clue as to what that is.

If we have never felt loved, as adults, we may think that love should play...

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Emotional abuse is invisible but it packs a punch to our nonphysical systems

Emotional abuse is invisible but it packs a punch to our nonphysical systems like our mental, emotional, and spiritual selves.

Abuse is defined as any action designed to cause another person harm.
Emotional abuse is used as a means to gain entry inside someone's mind. When an abuser has gained enough power over their victims, the abuser does not have to work as hard to gain control.

Learned helplessness is a state in which victims learn to believe there is no way out. Fighting back has proven futile and often, exasperated abuse.
Dark personalities push for the day when they have successfully nudged their victims over the learned helplessness finish line. Past this line, is an invisible dungeon where the mental bodies of the victim and the abuser live. No one else can see this dungeon which makes the abuse victim feel lost, forgotten, and powerless.

Hope is the golden milk abuse survivors need in order to peel off the shame, fear, and confusion caused by emotional abuse long enough to...

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