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Gaslighting Narcissist

Gaslighting Narcissist 

 

Narcissists are cunning, manipulative and exploitive.

 
They seek those who are agreeable, kind, empathic, and often in emotional pain to dominate and control. It is never the fault of someone whose emotions were exploited by a narcissist, when they find their minds have been scrambled like eggs by a predatory type personality, period!
 
Gaslighting is utter abuse at every possible level.
 
A narcissist will gain your trust, draw you in, become everything they have learned YOU need, and once you are dependent upon them for all of your emotional needs, they've got YOU!
 
A narcissist will brainwash you over time to believe that YOU are the one with the problem. Since they have convinced you -- you should trust them, you do, but what you don't see is how they, at the same time have manipulated you to feel insecure about your thoughts, feelings, perceptions and decisions.
 
Double Jeopardy has begun!
 
If you...
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Why You Cant' Have Healthy Relationships

Why You Can't Have Healthy Relationships

 
Codependency is tied to shame, loneliness, poor boundaries, and a lack of life skills. When you are codependent, unhealthy relationships are the norm. You don't naturally watch after the self, and you tend to worry more about what others think about you than what you think about you. The past has become your NOW and you have no clue how to change what needs to be changed. Sadly, healthy relationships slip away as unhealthy dynamics continue to flourish.
 
Codependents tend to stay in toxic relationships even when they know they are toxic. Codependents will complain, cry, withdraw, and can find themselves living with intolerable anger and frustration. Patterns from the past, deep fears of abandonment, poor boundaries, and a lack of self makes it impossible to confront all that needs to be properly dealt with.
 
If you're codependent, you need a connection to the self and faith to believe that the self you are is valuable,...
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Denied Love

Denied Love Does Not Make You Unlovable

 
"It's all in your mind."
 
You've heard that been said before and it's true.
 
Our identity is a mix of what we learned about the world, the meanings we attached to those experiences, as well as the emotions that naturally surfaced during particular instances, and the memories that were consolidated over time.
 
If you learned life was unpredictable, abuse was the norm, love was not a given, and that your body, mind, soul, heart, tears, cries, needs, wants and space were irrelevant, you may not understand that those experiences shaped your IDENTITY.
 
Not feeling worthy, good enough, seen, valued, understood, nurtured, wanted, loved, respected, appreciated are all experiences that have been stored in your memories. Over time, these memories become neurological pathways that stem from the innumerable ghostly doors that live in the subconscious mind.
 
These doors hold our boo boos; the ones that went...
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Codependency is Living in the Past

Codependency Recovery 

 
When you are codependent, your mind is living in the past. All of the survival techniques you learned as a child, keep you on the codependent -- narcissistic treadmill, unaware you are dancing with another unaware dance partner. Two wounded peas in a pod, rinse, repeat and recycle patterns from the past; patterns that were based on trauma, abuse, neglect and rooted in survival.
 
Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists. They may know they are selfish, callous, and short tempered, but they often quickly justify, and rationalize their lack of empathy for how their razor edged tongues and cold hearts impact other people. They are quick to hush guilt away and to silence the whispers of the conscience.
 
If a narcissist steps on your toes, it will be your fault, and if you are highly sensitive to abandonment, you are the one who offers the standard, "Oh I am sorry. Please forgive me." The narcissist will remain in the lead as...
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Codependency and Honoring the Self

Codependency Recovery Means Honoring the Self 

 
Learning to live in the grey zone is a challenge for someone struggling with codependency.
 
Relationships can trigger all sorts of anxieties and cause us to fear rejection and abandonment especially when dismissed by someone we care about.
Consider the budding friendship with a coworker who you have begun to enjoy spending time with, who out of the blue forgets to call you when she said she would, or worse, mocks you for asking why she did not call when she said she would.
 
Ugh...
 

Codependency and Denial

 
Healing codependents must learn to manage those parts of themselves that want to caretake, rescue, and fawn especially when they are being dismissed, ridiculed, gaslighted, and made fun of for being emotional, open, vulnerable and caring. Our normal default lands us in the denial zone, which only leads to more heartache down the road.
 
One of our greatest challenges that face a...
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Healing Toxic Shame

Healing Toxic Shame 

If you are a healthy person,  you have a conscience and this aspect of your personality can help you curb behaviors that are not in alignment with your personal value system. When your conscience helps you recognize how screaming at your kids hurts their souls, upon reflection, the pain you feel when considering how your children feel can assist you as you reach for more patience in the future. In the future, when you exercise more patience with your children, you experience a boost in your personal moral. You feel better about yourself and your children feel better about you too, as well as themselves. 

When our conscience operates without shame spirals, we experience personal emotional, spiritual, and even mental growth. When we are humble enough to 'listen' to our conscience, we can change the course of our lives and overcome just about any obstacle thrown our way. 

But what happens when shame takes over the voice of our...

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Living Above the Veil of Consciousness

Living Above the Veil of Consciousness

At your core, there is an absolute!

This absolute core is beyond ANY illusion and external experience that has ever touched you mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Veils, curtains, walls, and films have impeded your ability to make CONSCIOUS contact with this absolutely perfect and divine aspect of you.

Trauma Impacts Our Lens of Perception

Trauma and its effect on the brain have initiated the weaving of such protective veils, walls, and films and only CONSCIOUS effort can disintegrate them.

It is true that one who has been victimized is, in fact, a victim. There is no doubt that anger, resentment, shame, guilt, fear, sadness, loneliness, and powerlessness are products of having been victimized, BUT we must never forget, beyond these emotional experiences lies a divine truth.

  • You are not your emotions.
  • You are not your body.



However, veils, curtains, walls, and films, cause you to slumber and to stay asleep between the dimensions...

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Honoring the Self

Honoring the Self

When we don't honor the self, we are disconnecting from our true source of power.

As children, we honored our parents and believed in whatever we were taught, felt and experienced. If we felt unloved, we believed that meant we were unlovable. We did not know it was possible to be objective or to see our parents as 'wrong'.

As adults, we eventually learn that what happens in childhood repeats in adulthood. Like a reflection to our past, what we saw and learned to believe we tend to see and believe outside of us as adults.

On the road to recovery, healing codependency and narcissistic abuse, we learn to be more objective about who we think we are, or who we have been taught to think we are.

Learning to honor yourself is a process of self-actualization. It means we are willing to peek into Pandora's box like a detective looks for clues, rather than reacting to the instinctive emotional impulse to run, hide, deny, eat, or react.
If you are learning to honor the self,...
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Healing from the Past

Healing from the Past

When we are children we know we are powerless. We know we are small. We know that asking for permission is part of the role we must play and accept. It is what it is.


As we grow, and if we do not learn to release the need to feel like we need permission to BE who we are, and to do what we wish to do, we wait for permission.

  • We wait for permission to feel, to think, to do, to want, and to explore what we wish.We wait for permission to be happy or sad.
  • We wait for permission to try something new or we wait to be excused from having to do something we hate.

 

Below the Veil of Consciousness

Below the veil of consciousness, we remain in invisible shackles, and like the baby elephant who has been chained to a tree and as an adult elephant does not know it can run far from that tree, we stay where we were rooted.

Today, consider the idea that you are absolutely ALLOWED to explore yourself!
You are absolutely allowed to FEEL what you feel.

You are absolutely...

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How do we love the self, if the self that we are was taught it was unworthy or irrelevant?

Those of us who struggle with self love, forget that it is okay to give ourselves permission to love the self.

Many of us don't know how to love the self and struggle with understanding what that means.

How do we love the self, if the self that we are was taught it was unworthy or irrelevant?

Great question!
When we are learning to love the self, we understand that deep within us is an essence that is as valid as any other person or thing in the entire universe.
We learn to understand that just because someone we loved, perhaps was unable to love us in a way that we needed, does not mean we are not worthy of love.

We also learn to understand that even if, those we loved refused to love us, that does not mean we are unworthy of. love.

When we begin giving ourselves permission to love the self, our entire world shifts!

If you were waiting for someone to love you enough so you could love the self, Dear One, it is time to be the one you were looking for.

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