Narcissistic abuse is insidious. Unlike physical abuse, there is no event per se, or outward sign that abuse has taken place. Narcissists abuse in the dark, behind closed doors and in the emotional realms. Most of the wounds they inflict are untraceable by the human eye.
If you are a love starved codependent, who, like most codependents, has suffered from attachment trauma, you will probably be immediately drawn to a narcissistic type person. Their charisma, confidence, allure, and self-assuredness can be captivating, although some narcissists can appear vulnerable instead. Many of us fall for narcissists because they appeal to our need to be accepted by someone we view as an authority. Having perhaps never felt loved by our caretakers, and thus the authorities in our lives, has left a gaping hole within our heart space that only a person with an equal vibration to the ones that caused that wound can fill.
Unconsciously, it is as if our hearts believe that only the same intellect...
Many adults suffer from low self esteem. In spite of how successful we may seem, far too often many of us feel like we are dying inside. Our outer worlds may seem perfect but below the surface we are struggling to keep up the facade.
Adults who have not been taught to believe they are good enough, may not believe they are. If we were made to feel like burdens as children, we may have developed subconscious and limiting beliefs that prevent us from feeling truly connected to the Divine Self. Without this connection to the Self, we navigate our worlds in faulty ways. We are unaware we are unaware and unconsciously draw into our experiences people who cause us to feel very similarly to the way our caretakers did. We are unknowingly locked inside invisible grids and repeating patterns from the past.
If you are an adult who is suffering from low self esteem, perhaps it is time to ask yourself 'why'.
Why do you think you struggle with self worth?
In many of the cases, our answers lie in...
People who are stuck believing they can't make a dream come true, will always poo poo other people's dreams. Unaware they are projecting their own false and limiting beliefs onto others, they fail to understand that we are all co-creating our lives as we go.
As it has been said, "As a man thinks, so is he." "Whether a man thinks he can or cannot, he is right." "Thoughts become things."
To heal from codependency and narcissistic abuse is akin to 'checking every thought that runs through our conscious field' and that is tedious difficult strenuous work, but there is no other way.
What we see on the inside, we see on the outside and dream killers fail to see that when they tell us we can't, they aren't even talking about us, they are talking about themselves.
Today's Love Life Anyway Challenge is to go back in your mind and remember all the times you were really excited about a dream and then a dream killer came along and said something like, "You can't do that! You can't go there! Who...
Many adult survivors of traumatic abuse and experiences suffer from memory loss. Although many trauma survivors are able to remember how they felt when they were children, they do not always remember why they felt or feel the way they do today. They may feel like they were abused, but they might not remember precisely why they feel that way.
It is my belief that the more we understand our brains and how they work, the quicker we are able to heal. Not knowing 'the why' drives most human beings crazy. This is because the brain likes resolution and it seems our minds are willing to drive themselves crazy looking for answers. At times our brains will even make up stories to fit what is happening in our lives just to help us 'feel' more in control of what is happening in the now. This is why children assume they are at fault when mommy and daddy abuse them. When the child assumes responsibility for the abuse, the traumatic events make sense to the child's innocent mind. "Mommy beat me...
On August 10th, 2017 I will be conducting a FREE webinar at 6:00 p.m. EST, I will be discussing codependency, childhood trauma, narcissistic abuse, and why it is so important to heal our past wounds if we are wishing to live an authentic life.
If you wish to live an authentic life, you must be willing to be the REAL YOU, vulnerabilities, wounds, scars, fears, and all. Wounded adult children, who have suffered from lifetimes of childhood trauma, often times are frozen in time. Because no one ever taught them how to process their emotions, and because abused children are powerless to fight or flee their experiences, many of them suffer from a sense of feeling frozen.
Many abused adult children feel stuck, numb, and dissociated from their emotional experiences. While this is not their fault, without learning how to 'thaw out' and heal from trauma, many of us stay stuck, repeat the patterns from our past, suffer from depression, rage, anger, love...
Life changes are difficult for everyone. When we are faced with confronting our addictions, failed marriages, troubled children, or we are told we are facing a major health crisis, in most cases, many of us realize something (although we may not know what) has to change.
All those times we drank, popped a pill, had sex, argued, or fell asleep, instead of listening to our divine inner guidance leads us to places in our life where the pain has become so excruciating we burn out. Our once smiley codependent, people pleasing dispositions have been buried by all the stuffing and denying we have done for the sake of not rocking the boat. And it's not that we don't want to rock the boat as much as it is we don't know what to do when we actually do rock the boat.
One of the reasons I feel so compelled to speak out on behalf of all the silent abused adult children of the world is because I simply do not think it is fair that those of us who have been denied healthy coping skills,...
In April of 2018, I will be hosting my Annual Breakthrough Cruise Event.
This event is for anyone who wishes to share their time with like-minded others, who understand and speak their emotional language. So often, abused adult children walk through life feeling invisible, misunderstood, alone, and unheard. Because we have been born to environments that thwart our ability to fall in love with the self, we truly do not know we are lovable, worthy, or enough. For this reason, it is beneficial for us to gather with those who understand our journey and who can validate our experiences. When people who are on the healing path come together, magic happens. I
In every one of my live events, I can say that I believe miracles took place. Perhaps a heart was soothed or a faulty perception of one's self was corrected. Perhaps trust and the hope of friendship blossomed in the heart of someone who swore they could never trust another again. When like-minded people come together energy is...
Those of us who have been marked by the scars of emotional and physical abuse in childhood or as adults know how deep the trauma can penetrate. Our bodies heal, we grow and we cast off many of the superficial appearances that marked us as victims, but the emotional aftershocks remain long afterwards.
Since the early days of psychiatry we’ve known that abuse can put sufferers at risk of depression, self-harm, addiction and PTSD but it’s only recently that the effects it has on the very development of our brain became clear.
Our brain’s reactions to any stimuli are an exercise in constant communication between two parts. The cool, rational outer brain which comprises our cortex and deals with problem-solving and learning, and the instinctive limbic system which controls our emotions and base urges including the instinct to survive. Here you find the amygdala and hippocampus.
Far before the rational reasoning of our cortex kicks in, our...
A true narcissist cannot see, feel, or hear you. They are concerned with how you impact their life. They are not concerned with how they impact yours.
Narcissists are convinced mind, body, and soul that only they can be victims. They will lie, steal, cheat, defame, minimize, abuse, discard and treat others in the most inhumane ways, all the while feeling justified in their actions. They reason their abuse of others by believing that because they have been victimized, those they abuse are deserving of their tirades, psychological abuse, physical assaults, adultering ways, or thievery. Holding a narcissist accountable for any insensitive action, like showing up for dinner late, is akin to accusing them of robbing a bank. Any suggestion that the narcissist is imperfect will result in an all out battle. They are incapable of empathizing with your point of view. There will never be an "I am sorry I hurt you--or I am sorry I was not on time. I can see how disappointed you are. Please...
Codependents are sadly comfortable with being uncomfortable. When we are in relationships, we have no data for harmony. We settle for the discomfort because we don't know any other way of living. Neurosis, fear, anxiety, lions, and tigers, and bears OH MY! This IS our way of being.
Healing would come much faster if we could begin to ingest this idea of healthy vs unhealthy. If your relationships bring you anxiety, then they are NOT healthy and they do NOT serve you.
If you are in a relationship with someone who thinks they are always right or needs to be always right--then they also need to make everyone else wrong--AND if you are codependent--you will do all you can to be enough for the person who implies you are wrong. You will try to smile more, be thinner, laugh less, talk less, be more sexy--whateva' it takes to gain the approval of this charismatic, confident, perfect other.
If you want to stop attracting narcissists into your life, then you have to commit to no longer seeing...