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Honoring the Self

Honoring the Self

When we don't honor the self, we are disconnecting from our true source of power.

As children, we honored our parents and believed in whatever we were taught, felt and experienced. If we felt unloved, we believed that meant we were unlovable. We did not know it was possible to be objective or to see our parents as 'wrong'.

As adults, we eventually learn that what happens in childhood repeats in adulthood. Like a reflection to our past, what we saw and learned to believe we tend to see and believe outside of us as adults.

On the road to recovery, healing codependency and narcissistic abuse, we learn to be more objective about who we think we are, or who we have been taught to think we are.

Learning to honor yourself is a process of self-actualization. It means we are willing to peek into Pandora's box like a detective looks for clues, rather than reacting to the instinctive emotional impulse to run, hide, deny, eat, or react.
If you are learning to honor the self,...
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Healing from the Past

Healing from the Past

When we are children we know we are powerless. We know we are small. We know that asking for permission is part of the role we must play and accept. It is what it is.


As we grow, and if we do not learn to release the need to feel like we need permission to BE who we are, and to do what we wish to do, we wait for permission.

  • We wait for permission to feel, to think, to do, to want, and to explore what we wish.We wait for permission to be happy or sad.
  • We wait for permission to try something new or we wait to be excused from having to do something we hate.

 

Below the Veil of Consciousness

Below the veil of consciousness, we remain in invisible shackles, and like the baby elephant who has been chained to a tree and as an adult elephant does not know it can run far from that tree, we stay where we were rooted.

Today, consider the idea that you are absolutely ALLOWED to explore yourself!
You are absolutely allowed to FEEL what you feel.

You are absolutely...

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How do we love the self, if the self that we are was taught it was unworthy or irrelevant?

Those of us who struggle with self love, forget that it is okay to give ourselves permission to love the self.

Many of us don't know how to love the self and struggle with understanding what that means.

How do we love the self, if the self that we are was taught it was unworthy or irrelevant?

Great question!
When we are learning to love the self, we understand that deep within us is an essence that is as valid as any other person or thing in the entire universe.
We learn to understand that just because someone we loved, perhaps was unable to love us in a way that we needed, does not mean we are not worthy of love.

We also learn to understand that even if, those we loved refused to love us, that does not mean we are unworthy of. love.

When we begin giving ourselves permission to love the self, our entire world shifts!

If you were waiting for someone to love you enough so you could love the self, Dear One, it is time to be the one you were looking for.

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Letting Toxic Family Members Go

Letting Go of Toxic Family Members

One of the most difficult things we can do as human beings is detach from dysfunctional family. Our innate survival default will draw us to bonding with family, even if our family is dysfunctional. 

When our family is dysfunctional, the problems are not always visible. 

In this video, I help people understand the need to learn how to validate the self, when someone decides to go no contact with toxic family members. 

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Narcissists Don't Always Know They are Narcissists

Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists.

We have to keep this in mind. A narcissist is like speaking to a tree. A tree is convinced its a tree. But what if the tree was really a bush but the bush just thought it was a tree? 


Some narcissists insist they are kind, wonderful human beings. They are unaware they are not trees--they are NOT kind and they are not LOVING. Instead they are self-absorbed and only exhibit kind and loving behaviors when it SUITS THEM.

They are only able to appear to be kind and loving when doing so helps make THEM look good.

Vulnerable Narcissists

Beware of the wolf in grandma's clothing, who smells like warm baked apple pie. They may have tears in their eyes, gifts in their arms and look like sheep, but before long, you'll begin to feel like you've got claws in your back. 

The shy vulnerable narcissist is the person who uses a sob story to lure you into their lair of emotional doom! They will...

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When Mothers Fail

When Mother's Fail

A child's first protector is its mother and when a mother fails to protect her child from other's abuse and in turn becomes a perpetrator, her child will suffer the greatest human tragedy. The wounds will be invisible. No one will understand the ingredients that make up the child's tears. No one will fathom the heaviness of the child's vibration, and yet, when the child cries or acts out, others will assume what is wrong is the child.

Abuse happens in bedrooms, kitchens, living rooms, and basements when the front doors are locked and the house windows are closed. Family and friends, school personnel and even authorities often dismiss the possibility of abuse, denying their own ignorance and justifying their disbelief based on a subconscious conflict. Often people dismiss abuse as a reality because THEY have not witnessed the abuse, although logical minds understand abuse happens when there are no witnesses to be found.

When mothers fail, every system of a...

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Codependency is the result of faulty childhood programming and is rooted in the guts of emotional wounds suffered as a child

As an author and Life Coach dedicated to sharing what she has learned in this lifetime, with the intent of helping others heal their troubled pasts, oftentimes I find myself teetering upon quite a delicate tightrope.
 
Because I believe firmly that most emotional woes are rooted in codependent thought processes, I do not believe it is possible to heal a wound one cannot name. Healing codependency requires great personal courage as well as conviction. Most abusers deny that any abuse has ever taken place, which leaves the child victim not only feeling invalidated, but often questioning their own perceptions of the past. In these types of cases, defining wounds of the past can be a most daunting task.
 
When caretakers refuse to acknowledge any abuse has taken place, it is up to the individual in search of healing to learn to honor their own perceptions, in spite of being invalidated by the others in their lives. Healing can often be a most terrifying experience....
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Healing codependency gives birth to consciousness

Deepak Chopra speaks of the field of potential.
Eckhart Tolle speaks of quieting the Ego and learning to become the observer.
 
My issue is if we have shame closing the door to our ability to observe what is, we naturally stay bound to the wheels of karma through subconscious programming.
 
My mind will NOT run towards an emotional forest fire within me.
My mind will NOT never be able to access the field of potential if the default settings of my wounded ego are wired to deny, deflect and dissociate.
 
Therefore, the only way to access the field of potential is to learn how to freaking OBSERVE myself walking through the damn forest fire of emotions within me!
 
If I want to access the field of potential, yes, I must become the observer BUT I also have to learn to surrender to the pain and override my egos desire to prevent me from experiencing more pain.
 
Codependency enmeshed us. We believed we were our emotions, feelings, and bodily sensations....
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Being born to narcissists means we have been born to people who are incapable of authentic love.

Abandonment by narcissistic parents can create codependency later on in life for the child of a narcissist. Abandonment by a parent causes deep emotional wounds that can lead to a fear of abandonment and rejection.

Healing our abandonment issues begins with understanding why we fear abandonment in the first place. If you are the child of a narcissist, you were abandoned. This is not made up! You were actually abandoned emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Narcissistic parents project their own flaws onto their children cause great psychological abuse.

Narcissistic parents essentially teach us--their children, that who we are as individuals and souls are unimportant. Being born to narcissists means we have been born to people who are incapable of authentic love. This inability to connect on a heart level to our parents, makes us--the children feel and believe its all our fault. We are unlovable we falsely presume.

This one false premise changes EVERYTHING. It alters the...

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Far too often people who do not understand that in order to heal an emotion you must feel an emotion

I am not 'playing the victim' when I admit that as a child I was brainwashed to believe my emotions were irrelevant and that the more I tried to pretend I did not have feelings, the crazier, lonelier and more terrified I felt.


Far too often people who do not understand that in order to heal an emotion you must feel an emotion, judge those who are struggling to validate why they feel the way they do.


I have heard people tell others 'to suck it up -- get over the past -- stop whining -- it is time to put your adult panties back on' and so on.


While there is a seed of truth in what people like these are saying: we all need to eventually get to a place where we understand that the only person who can help us move past the past is us, shaming others for struggling to process experiences they were denied the right to experience is ignorant, judgmental, unnecessary, and just plain wrong.


Emotions motivate EVERY decision, thought, action, desire, word, and inactions we can experience.


When...

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