I remember the moment I realized that for my entire life I had been living a lie. Like all humans who had been born into a sleep state consciousness, it was over three decades before I would begin to understand just how big a lie I had been living.
Deep within the recesses of my mind stirred darkness. This darkness had voices and inside my mind, I often felt or heard, 'You are not enough. You are no good. You are unworthy. Nothing works out for you. You are not beautiful. You are not intelligent. You are not wise. You were not born for greatness. You were born to merely survive. You do not deserve happiness. You are not worthy of love.'
I heard these words when I looked into the mirror, or when I noticed disappointment in the eyes of my parents. I felt the emotions of these words whenever my ex-husband would roll his pointer finger towards his right temple as he uttered the words, "You're whacky!" The people in my life mirrored the beliefs I held about...
1) Emotional abuse causes you to believe that you are the reason other people are angry, sad, or unhappy. Narcissists cause you to believe you are responsible for the way they feel.
2) Emotional manipulation that is rooted in switching the tables. Narcissists violate you and then when you complain or address their abuse, they switch the tables and are angry at you for being angry at them.
3) Gaslighting is a form of narcissistic abuse that will cause the victims to doubt their perception of reality. Narcissists can also minimize your accomplishments, downplay your successes and or lie about events causing you to doubt your perceptions.
4) Exploitation is a form of narcissistic abuse that involves exploiting the kindness,...
On my early walk, I noticed this little creature struggling in the road. As I reached down to pick it up, it recoiled. It had no idea who or what this giant thing was touching it and trying to scoop it up into its palm.
As I observed the worm, I saw myself.
Once I was just as lost as this little guy who had somehow been cast out into oncoming traffic. Once, I had lost my way and I did not know left from right or up from down. I was confused, panic-filled, and lived with impending doom.
Like most of us, sometimes we need a helping hand to help us find our way back home.
This tiny creature is an aspect of infinite intelligence, just like you and me. It has a right to live an abundant, safe, cozy life just like the rest of us. I helped this little creature find its way back home and to the safety of the cool grass because I know everything that is--is a reflection of some aspect of myself.
What we do for ONE--we do for all and that includes...
If you are the kind of person that obsesses over love interests, then you know what it feels like to feel totally OUT OF CONTROL! When our minds lose the ability to think about anything else but our crush, partner, or love interest, it is time to check ourselves.
Look, if you are reading this and you are wishing to recover from Narcissistic Abuse, good for you!
If you recognize that all the confusion, anxiety, depression, angst, brain fog, memory loss, enormous self-doubt, and the fear of just about everything and everyone can be traced back to narcissistic abuse, Dear One, you are ahead of the game.
Most people who are in enmeshed codependent relationships don't even realize what is going on. They may be so below the veil of consciousness, or so emotionally abused that they are unable to recognize the fact that abuse is happening.
How sad is that?
Many of us grew up in crazy childhood homes in which unpredictability, fighting and a lack of safety was the norm. We knew nothing of going to bed feeling safe, protected, and like all was well. Instead, insecurity and generalized angst was our norm.
Lions and tigers and bears OH MY!
...
If you've ever experienced trauma, there is a chance you know what it feels like to have your mind leave your body. When the mind is confronted by a situation it does not have the coping skills to process at the time of the event, the time-keeper portion of the brain goes offline. Like we have been plucked by body snatchers and we have been suspended in some quantum space out in the universe somewhere, for a moment, we are NOT in our body BUT we have no idea where we went either.
Who is the 'we' I am speaking of anyway?
When I say 'we' I am referring to our consciousness and our awareness at the time. When we dissociate due to some traumatic event, our consciousness and level of self-awareness drop into a lower state of consciousness although our emotional brain may be in a hyper state of arousal. Imagine being in a small restaurant with a screaming toddler at the next table. You want to stay conscious...
1) Codependent recovery hinges on the ability and willingness to still the mind.
2) Only when we are able to observe codependent thinking can we correct our unhealthy thoughts.
3) Those of us who carry great shame will find it difficult to go within because when we let go of our external attachments we find all the fear we have been wishing to avoid.
4) Mindfulness is the ability to go within and find the silence which is the absence of nonsensical mental chatter.
5) When we use mindfulness we can find the seat from which we can reprogram the addicted codependent mind.
I remember when my therapist told me I was not crazy, but I was suffering from codependency. I was relieved as well as perplexed. I was not a drinker nor was my husband at the time. How could I be codependent? I had a big mouth. I complained all the time. I told my ex when I was unhappy. I wasn't stuffing my feelings or what I...
When we still the mind, we can observe what areas of our lives we attach to in unhealthy ways. If you believe you need others permission to feel your feelings or to validate you, you may be placing your happiness outside of you.
Whenever we place our happiness in outer experiences we open ourselves up to suffering.
Learning to meditate, becoming more mindful, letting go of ego attachments and healing from Codependency can greatly assist us Overcome Fear.
To learn more about Lisa's online Codependency Recovery Program, you can visit
http://bit.ly/12WeekLisaaromano
Why is she narcissistic?
Why can't he just love me?
Why did he say that?
Why does she keep cheating on me?
Why doesn't he just stop and listen to me?
Why can't she just stop triangulating and just admit that she is wrong?
If you do, you're normal and just like the rest of us who are simply trying to understand abusive, unfair, dysfunctional behavior.
But here's the thing. Your power is NOT outside of you, so asking questions about other people's abusive behavior is NEVER going to get you the answers or the peace you seek by asking them. The reality is, there is NO good reason to ever abuse anyone so even if you got your answers, they would not stop the abuse anyway.
It is so freaking hard to STOP asking the wrong questions and to start asking the right ones. It means we must end looking outside of ourselves and begin looking inside of ourselves.
YIKES...
Inside is where we hold all our...
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