This post is dedicated to Vladmir, a loyal reader and ACoA in Russia;
Yes Vladimir, it is up to our parents to love us unconditionally so that we the innocent beings are able to integrate mind, body and soul--but when we are born to people who are unaware they themselves have a self--and instead are reactive--there is no way they will ever be able to instill in us the secure sense of self we need to mature emotionally.
Unfortunately we the children of the self absorbed--FEEL rejected--and presume that the reason we are being unseen--is because WE are ill--or wrong--or inept....
They only secret ever--is YOU....
In reality--we do not need our parents to love us unconditionally--not really--because we are ENOUGH--at our core--even if no one ever validates us...Each of us--is a seed--of God--we are all One...not only with all that is--but with mankind...We are all brothers and sisters--its just--that some of us--know that--some of us don't--some of us want to know our truth--and...
On the road of my recovery there have been many mind bending obstacles I have had to learn to intellectually as well as emotionally conquer. Because healing codependency created through the programming my once blank slate of a mind once was as a child--as an adult--I had no way of truly grasping the fact that the thoughts and emotions I was reacting to as an adult--were dysfunctional.
When you are the pattern--you don't know you are the pattern. The ideas you had on Monday, are the same ideas you have on Tuesday--and on, and on, and on they go. As adults we ACoA's as well as all other adults born to dysfunctional parents--do not know that the ideas we have been fed, have infested our once innocent fertile minds with bullshit! No, because we have been taught to fear our emotions, we ignore our gut instincts, and often times become paralyzed emotionally because we are so terrified of unknowns.
As adults we become super sensitive and hyper vigilant because those of us who were bigger...
When your parent is an alcoholic, drug addict, narcissist, or emotional manipulator of some kind--their main agenda is get their own needs met. YOU as their child--on a heart level--do not feel validated. Instead, you feel wrong, ill, inept, tainted, unworthy, broken, and in the way.
Children are born seeking outside of themselves for love, acceptance and validation; which is why when a mother gives birth to a child--the tiny little being does not jump off of the delivery table and begin walking down the hospital hall and out into the world on its own. No--we human beings come into this time space reality needing--and wait for it--DESERVING of...
As a Life Coach, Mentor, Consultant but primarily ADVOCATE for adult children of alcoholics, I understand all too well the silent ills that can plague the mind of a being who has been conditioned to believe that the very essence of who they are--is unworthy.
Every single one of us--including YOU the entity reading and translating the little letters on this page was born perfect, worthy and yes dear one--even ENOUGH!
But what happened?
Why have so many of us gone astray?
How is it--if you and I were born worthy--that we can feel so empty and lost on the inside?
Take a deep breath, perhaps grab a cup of tea--and allow your mind to absorb the information you are about to take in. You may have to read this article and others like it many times over before the wisdom is able to be absorbed by your very tattered mind. This is not your fault. Your mind has been programmed to not only reject information about the validity of your soul--but it has been taught to NOT trust the very emotions...
If you have found yourself reading this article, then more than likely you are struggling with possibly identifying with issues associated with your perception of what it is to be codependent or what codependency is.
If you are like I was when I first began toying with the idea that maybe 'I had a problem--since I was the common denominator' at the root of all my dysfunctional relationships, I was overwhelmed by the information I found. What confused me the most was, my parents were not addicts or alcoholics. I remember thinking, 'Codependency is for people who are in love with drug addicts--or who were raised by drug addicts--and neither my parents nor my spouse at the time drank or did drugs-so how can I possibly be codependent?'
This was my greatest stumbling block, and had I understood what codependency really was I would not have wasted so much time denying that I possibly could actually be codependent.
Okay--enough belly aching...
If you were raised by an alcoholic, then you were failed.
YOU DID NOT FAIL; your alcoholic failed you.
If your father was an alcoholic--and your mother enabled him--and taught you to tone yourself down for the sake of NOT rocking the boat--then YOU were denied the connection to Warrior Self you deserved.
It must be understood and accepted by the conscious and unconscious mind. To read these above statements and to just contemplate them for one second or two--will not be enough to counter the millions of imprinted pieces of negative data that have been inputed into your subconscious mind since your birth--and quite possibly--while even in utero.
If you are the adult child of an alcoholic--you have quite literally been programmed to think in self defeating ways.
What you observe in childhood good or bad, healthy or not gets imprinted upon a child's innocent, and 'in the state of learning' blank brain.
Whatever the child experiences in childhood--and especially...
This information was taken from an amazing source called Realistic Recovery.
I am not sure who the copyright owner of this Bill of Rights is--but I am going ahead and reposting it anyway to help encourage all of my readers out there--to OWN YOUR RIGHT to BE WHO YOU ARE--THE MAGNIFICENT SELF THAT YOU ARE!
To ALL Adult Children Everywhere--I bless you--I honor you--I feel you--I hear you!
Your road is a lonely one.
The abuse you have tolerated in the dark moments of your life--have left scars that are invisible to the physical eye--yet you are scarred--bruised and battered nonetheless.
Born to beings who were supposed to nurture you--adore you--and support you--instead--you have been brainwashed, manipulated, beaten, criticized, shamed, guilted, humiliated, and worse--DENIED the right to feel or own any of the suffering that was created while being abused...WTF?
Forced to live in a state of disassociation--as a means to simply survive horrific childhood experiences--adult children of alcoholics are beaten in one moment--and then expected to 'act as if' the beating never occurred.
Adding maggots to the equation--adult children are often manipulated to live their lives not only denying their personal suffering--but they too--are forced to 'act as if' mom and dad are the most wonderful...
Tired of struggling? Tired of doing the same things over and over without any real result?
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