Please enjoy this video that can help demystify 'what codependency is'.
- struggle with feeling invisible?
- tend to attract narcissistic and abusive partners?
- cater to the needs of others?
- fear speaking up and telling your truth?
If so you're not alone.
Many people are unaware as to why they do what they do. Most of us do not realize we are 95% unconscious and only 5% concsious and that almost all of what we think, both conscious and unconscious is negative.
We all have more than one side.
We are all conscious as well as unconscious.
We are all our current ages, but within us resides our two-year-old and seventeen-year-old selves as well. We are here and we are there. We are in the present, and yet within us we carry our pasts, all the while creating our future.
We all still carry within us our twelve-year-old self who struggles with knowing who we are, with feeling worthy, and who wonders 'what the hell the meaning of life is all about anyway.'
We are all our wounded egos as well as our divine self.
When I was in my early thirties my sister in law passed away. She was 28 years old. A few years later, when I was 37, one of my best friends died suddenly, without warning. Each of these women left behind two small children.
The most amazing thing was, life went on. Each time I sat through the moments of processing these deaths, I felt as if the world should stop spinning, but it never did. Their kids woke up the next morning and had breakfast, played video games, and put on their socks. Their husbands eventually returned to work and the kids went back to school.
The blessing of being human is the fact that we have a consciousness. Unlike animals, we have the ability to choose and to act upon our free will. Animals do not have free will. A horse cannot become a painter or violinist anymore than a rose can choose to become a tulip. A tree is rooted to where its seeds have been planted. If ants wish to invade the tree, there is little the tree can do. And even a horse, if a man wishes to tame a horse and breaks its will to be free, he can.
It is important to begin by saying that narcissists don't know they are narcissists. This is crucial to understand. As you begin to question your relationship you will undoubtedly begin questioning the narcissist, and when you do you'll need to be prepared.
Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists. We have to keep this in mind. A narcissist is like speaking to a tree. A tree is convinced its a tree. When we speak to a tree--we know that the tree believes it is a tree. But what if the tree wasn't really a tree. What if the tree was really a bush but the bush just thought it was a tree? What if because the bush was planted in a forest full of trees, the bush just assumed it was a tree too?
Are you in a codependent relationship and suffering with enmeshment?
Most of us can empathize with other people to a particular degree. When we notice a photo of a grieving mother, within us is the ability to imagine how she feels. If you were to witness someone struggling to get their car door open, you would immediately empathize with this person because you have the ability to imagine what it would feel like to be in the same situation. This ability to empathize with others is made possible through what scientist refer to as mirror neurons.
Codependents are dependent on people. We seek validation, acceptance, and permission to feel what we feel and think what we think. Even when we are 'feeling' and 'believing' we should end a friendship or some other type of a relationship like a marriage or business agreement, we struggle with believing we have a right to do so. Even when we get angry, we look to the one who has pushed our buttons for permission to feel upset.