Codependents lack self-love, have little to no boundaries, dissociate, numb out, sometimes rage, and often fawn and cater to people we think might be angry at us for some reason. We can become co-dependent upon others for approval, as well as on our careers, and food. When we do not feel good enough, we can become co-dependent upon almost anything that helps us avoid the feelings of loneliness we feel on the inside.
As codependents, we have been programmed to seek validation, acceptance, and permission to feel what we feel and think about what we think. Even when we are 'feeling' and 'believing' we should end a friendship or some other type of a relationship like a marriage or business agreement, we struggle with believing we have a right to do so. Even when we get angry, we look to the one who has pushed our buttons for permission to feel upset.
When it comes to letting go, it helps to consciously accept that none of us ever let go because we want to.
Letting go is always...
It is probably one of the most emotionally challenging things to do as a human being who loves another human being. Setting boundaries with those we love can be difficult and anxiety provoking. So how do we know when we should set a boundary with someone we love?
It is certainly a complicated question and it has helped me to develop a certain protocol around boundary setting with people I love. It is not always fail proof, but having some type of concrete plan has helped me feel less anxious when put in a difficult spot by someone I care about.
My formula is fairly simple. If someone is talking poorly about me and not to me, that is something I generally brush off unless this person is someone who claims to love, honor and respect me. If I am spoken about poorly about someone who claims to care about me and our relationship, my general rule of thumb is to confront them personally, directly, and to let them know precisely how what I heard made me feel. If this person then reacts by...
There were so many stumbling blocks along the way to publishing The Road Back to Me in Spanish, but no matter what, I kept the vision of the completed book in my hand-in my mind. I added the cover to my vision board and no matter what showed up, I stayed nonresistant, controlled what I could, released the rest and focused on my desired outcome.
If I can make dreams come true so can YOU!
Sometimes the past messes up our NOW and then sabotages our future.
But sometimes we BREAKTHROUGH!
Thank you to all of you who have believed in me, encouraged me, and have allowed my work to open your heart and your minds to the ways in which we can access the power to heal our lives.
I love you all!
Self love is the key to everything.
When we set boundaries we are loving the self.
When we forgive, we are loving the self.
When we refuse to shame the self, we are loving the self.
When we invest in the self, we are loving the self.
When we meditate, we are loving the self.
When we rest, we are loving the self.
When we say ‘NO’ we are loving the self.
And when we say ‘YES’ and we mean it—we are loving the self.
Self love is absolutely the key to everything but the foundation for self love is healing any idea that ever had us believing we were not enough.
All problems are the result of one's interpretations of a particular situation. Deeper, all problems are the result of our attachments to a particular outcome we have egotistically presumed is the proper and only correct outcome. Deeper, all pain in this world is the result of a being who falsely presumes their happiness is dependent upon something or someone outside of itself they cannot realistically control.
Happiness then can only come by way of letting go of our ideas of attachment. When one intellectually or emotionally attaches to an outcome, they have unknowingly pinched themselves off from freedom. By placing our happiness on outcomes, people, situations and experiences outside of ourselves, we cut ourselves off from the joy we think we were after in the first place.
You are reading this, but you may not be in control of the thoughts that are popping into your head as you read it. You may not even be aware that you have control over the thoughts that are showing up in your...
Love is a choice and a state of being.
Love is an action word as it reflects a nonphysical state that is acted upon by a physical being.
To help us understand what love truly is, it helps to rest one’s mind on the simplicity that abounds in nature.
Today, focus your attention on the beauty of a single flower. Study it. Watch it. Imagine what it feels like to be a single rose or sunflower in a garden of many in a world it does not worry about, unconcerned with what the other sunflowers or roses think.
Do what you can to imagine and connect on a vibrational level to the absolute stillness of that flower.
Just for a few moments, drop your own mind. Drop your thoughts. Drop your worries over your past wounding experiences. Drop your worry and connect to the infinite streams of abundance that is always--and was always about you.
Just for a few moments, become still of mind and milk the experience of love. Milk the feeling of pure acceptance, peace, and stillness that is love.
The life of the adult child of an alcoholic as well as for the alcoholic or any being who believes they are powerless over their current states of mind, are all living a paradox.
It is right to presume that all beings created--desire to be loved, accepted, and validated for the essence of who they are. And yet in spite of this yearning to be loved, ACoA's, alcoholics, addicts and the victims of abuse deny themselves the love they yearn.
The greatest dis-ease of man today is that man does not love self--the self that is separate from his illusion of ego.
When beings identify their worth by physical things found in the so called physical reality, man--through thought separates himself from the very thing he yearns for.
It is not possible to find the love a being searches for in a car, a home, a dress size, a business, or a bank account. It is not possible to find acceptance when that acceptance is being judged by some kind of ruler.
Acceptance just is--no matter what.
All human children require connection and to be attuned to loving parents and caretakers and when that does not happen there is a dis-order in the natural evolutionary process of the human being.
This is not OUR fault. LOVE is a requirement for a healthy life.
LOVE is required for healthy brain growth, and the ability to trust others as well as the self.
If you have been abused since childhood, codependency, low self-worth, shame, guilt, anxiety, the inability to trust yourself and others are symptoms of LOVE DEFICIT DISORDER!
If you suffer from self-love deficit that’s because you FIRST suffered LOVE DEFICIT DISORDER and that is not your fault.
It is my hope, that as human consciousness expands, so does the understanding of the cause of symptoms rather than just focusing on the outcomes of causes.
Codependency is a symptom and it has definitive causative agents--none of which are the fault of the one suffering from codependency.
How many of you believe that the root of most...
Enlightenment implies we were once in the dark.
To be enlightened is to come out of the darkness within. Fear equals darkness. Darkness is fear and yet, we are the light and at our deepest truth we have NO THING to fear because we are enough.
Fear is the result of conditioning and childhood programming. While fear that is related to being hit by a truck as we walk across a busy city street is healthy and necessary, fearing being alone or being ostracized to the point of panic and overwhelming doom is NOT healthy.
Healing from emotional fears related to trauma IS THE HEROES JOURNEY because NO ONE can face the darkness within and overcome it but the one in the dark.
1) Wake up every morning and declare ‘I am enough’
2) In your mind turn to your inner child and say ‘It is not your fault you fear abandonment-you have been abandoned’
3) Visualize yourself hugging your inner child and say to them, ‘I am so sorry you have been abandoned-please forgive me...