It can be so HARD to face, but the reality is, not everybody is going to like you, agree with you, validate you, or love you.
When you have grown up feeling like it was your job to make sure everybody else was okay but you—it can be quite the mind-bender when you start to confront the faulty belief that has you unconsciously programmed to believe it is YOUR JOB to get people to like you.
How many of us have been under the illusion that it was the WORST thing in the world to have someone NOT like us?
Crazy, I know!
Turns out—it is TOTALLY acceptable to NOT BE LIKED—and to even be DISLIKED!
It is totally okay to have your neighbor, friend, cousin, and even a significant other NOT agree with you!
It is totally fine to have people NOT like you.
Guess what? Even if people don’t like you, the world continues to spin and the sun still comes out in the morning. To an abused adult...
We all have a miraculous internal guidance system, although many of us have been taught NOT to trust it.
Abused adult children do not always realize how reactive their thinking is or how impulsive their actions can be. For this reason, making sure we ‘think’ before we speak and or ‘do’, is critical.
The amygdala is all about REACTIVITY, anger, survival, fear, abandonment, rejection and shame. Without even thinking, abused adult children can be emotionally triggered and say and do things they would not have done had they known how to or desired to RELAX, MEDITATE, and CONNECT with their HIGHER SELF before reacting to something in their environment.
Think of how many times you have said ‘yes’ when you have meant ‘no’ or how many times you have lashed out, when in hindsight, you had wished you had spoken with LOVE instead of fear, anger, resentment, or shame.
The GREAT NEWS is, we can learn to STOP, LISTEN, THINK, PAUSE, REGROUP, and SOOTHE...
It is really easy to slip down a rabbit hole and forget that we are magnificent extensions of Creator. When we have spent our lives feeling like we are unworthy, it is simple to doubt we are enough. No one would fault anyone who felt sorry for themselves, who had spent a lifetime being abused. How could we? Our brains believe what they have been exposed to. As children, we do not question the rationalizations that show up in our heads that justify why we feel unloved, nor do we have any control over how people love us or don't.
But here is the thing--the universe is a vibrational place and it maintains order by simply lining up like energies with like energies through magnetism.
Why should you care?
You should care because you are a Creator too--and you can shift what you think and in doing so, you shift how you feel, and when you shift how you feel, you shift what you emit, and when you shift what you emit, you shift what you attract, and when you shift what you attract, you shift...
Loving the self is the cornerstone of our lives, although many abused adult children struggle to even understand what the hell loving the self means.
When we love from the purest state, we are unconditionally loving, accepting, patient, empathic, kind, forgiving and understanding.
This does not imply we need to sleep with people we know do not love us in a healthy way or can even harm us.
This does not imply we do not have the right to set boundaries with unhealthy and abusive others.
It does imply, however, that love, in its purest form has the ability to understand without judgment and without a roll in the hay.
Loving the self very often means we learn to say “NO!” ‘No, I won’t sleep with you. No, I am not coming over to ‘just’ watch a movie. No, I won’t meet you for coffee. No, I don’t care if she is just a friend. No, I won’t pick you up from the train station even if it is snowing and your car has a flat.’
George Bernard Shaw states, “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that has taken place.”
Humans are said to be 95% unconscious 95% of the time—HOLY CRAP!
Seriously?!?! Without our conscious knowledge, we all project to a degree what we THINK we hear other people saying because all that we hear must pass through our TRAUMA FILTER.
If we were programmed to believe we were unworthy, in conversations with others this is the echo we will hear reverberating through every syllable the person we are talking to utters.
Today, do what you can to drop your guard, open your heart, and listen. You might hear someone say something passive-aggressive, or you might even hear yourself project your wounds and your fears onto others as well, OR—you just might hear something loving, compassionate, encouraging, uplifting, and empathetic.
When we learn to believe we are enough, it is far easier to notice flowers, the sun, butterflies, smiles, laughter, and...
When the body feels like it is under attack, it launches its defenses. This is a wonderful, factory-built
pre-design that humans do not need to think about launching. The fight or flight system is divinely constructed and installed into the human brain by design.
I hope you are curious about the Master Designer. Just sayin’
When you hear a sudden loud noise, your brain recognizes this as a possible threat and as a result, your autonomic system will cause a chemical burst that will overwhelm your consciousness and cause physical movement. You may jump out of your chair and turn your head suddenly, and without thinking, towards the area where your brain has alerted you to where this sudden strange noise has come.
Over the airwaves, little nerves in your ears have sensed the sudden vibrations in your environment and at lightning speed have sent impulses to your brain and vice versa all in an attempt to keep you safe and alive. This, by the way, all takes place through the sea of...
Most of us have been waiting for someone else to show up and rescue us. We may not have been conscious of this idea, but, many of us have been believing that some outside source was going to show up and magically help us feel ENOUGH!
In spite of our difficult pasts, the HUMAN SPIRIT is resilient and wants nothing more for each of us to learn to believe that we are ENOUGH all by ourselves.
Have you been waiting to be rescued?
If so, what fairy tale have you been believing in that you need to let go of?
Are you learning to believe YOU are the rescue boat you have been waiting for?
If so, that is something wonderful to be GRATEFUL for!
You are learning that only YOU can save YOU!
You are enough and that is something amazing to be grateful for!
Stretch Through the Pain to Achieve the Gain
Dear One, never forget that anxiety, depression, angst, hopelessness, and even unresolved anger is a symptom of something much deeper.
Codependency is also a symptom of some type of childhood neglect.
That neglect could have been overt or covert. It could have been sexual abuse or it could have been emotional abandonment.
Emotional neglect and maternal disconnect cause the same chemical reactions to take place in the brain that physical abuse causes.
Separation of any kind causes anxiety, whether that is physical or emotional separation.
All of us have been born to FEEL connected to Self, as well as others.
Knowing why we are the way we are is awesome--BUT it is not where our work ends. In fact, it is where our work begins.
We are all powerful creatures--who have the ability to transcend and connect to our authentic self but to do that, we must learn to stretch through our pain.
Tolle teaches us that we all have a pain body, and I would totally...
One of the best things we can do for the self is LISTEN.
Many abused adult children are so afraid of feeling invisible, that often we over-share and over-talk when in the company of others. One of the ways we can PRACTICE loving the self, is by refusing to offer words that are unintentional and inauthentic and instead, choose words more mindfully.
When we QUIET the mind, we can not only hear others but we can also hear the SELF.
As healing adults, we can forget that within us still resides a child that just wants to feel seen, like they matter, and as if what they have to say is important. We can get all excited when we are around others and feel the chance to share, and that is alright, as long as we are aware of our intentions.
When our intentions are to be in the moment, we lose our need to control how people see us and we are more able to show up in an authentic way for ourselves as well as for others.
This weekend, love yourself by refusing to over-share and instead, see if you can...