Letting Go

Its not easy to love someone who is choosing to hurt themselves. When the one we love is using alcohol, heroin or other forms of chemicals to escape the emotional and physical consequences of reality it is not difficult to identify what needs to get addressed. In the case of drug and or alcohol addiction it is obvious that dependency is the issue. In these cases, the family of the addicted has a place to turn. There are innumerable support groups for family members who are dealing with chemical dependent loved ones.

But what happens when the one we love is addicted to a toxic relationship?

Where do we turn, the loved ones of the family member who is losing their Self to a manipulating other?

In this case, its not so easy to let go.

In my case, I have discovered that the same rules must apply.

Loving family members who consistently involve themselves with dysfunctional others--is very similar to loving someone who is drug addicted. No matter how hard you try to save them-they end up...

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Gaining Control

As an adult child of an alcoholic, you are probably struggling with various emotional issues. Very often unaware adult children of alcoholics do not even realize that the drama they are facing in their everyday lives is controllable.

"What?" I hear you, my dear reader ask. "These dramas are happening to me. I am not in control over this lunacy," I hear you thinking.

For many years I too believed that the chaos that surrounded me was mayhem I could not control. From my unawakened perspective, I was in fact the victim. In my zombie like mind I was the one who was doing everything right. It was all of 'those other people' in my life that were screwed up. It was never me. If I felt angry, enraged or sad, it was because of something someone else had said or done. My thought process had me blaming everyone else for why I felt the way I felt--or for why I could not move forward in various areas of my life.

I have learned to understand that pain is one of life's greatest teachers. Like...

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Getting Out of Your Head

If you are an adult child from a dysfunctional home, whether the tool of dysfunction used was alcohol, emotional manipulation, guilt, shame or physical or sexual abuse--as an adult today, you may have a tough time getting out of your head.

Why? Why is it that so many of us who felt so pained as children have such a hard time getting ourselves involved with others in an intimate way?

So many of us struggle with intimacy today because our first experiences with love were so painful. We have been programmed and conditioned to fear being loved by others, as well as fear loving others. Our unconscious mind has us hard-wired to fear to let down our shield--the one that we can feel but cannot see--but that others can feel as well. The one that says, "It is safer to give than to expect to be given to," which of course keeps us spiritually and emotionally malnourished (unconsciously of course).

When an innocent child experiences emotional estrangement from the very beings that brought them...

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Adult Children of Alcoholics--LOVE THY SELF

This post is dedicated to Vladmir, a loyal reader and ACoA in Russia;

Yes Vladimir, it is up to our parents to love us unconditionally so that we the innocent beings are able to integrate mind, body and soul--but when we are born to people who are unaware they themselves have a self--and instead are reactive--there is no way they will ever be able to instill in us the secure sense of self we need to mature emotionally.

 

Unfortunately we the children of the self absorbed--FEEL rejected--and presume that the reason we are being unseen--is because WE are ill--or wrong--or inept....

They only secret ever--is YOU....

In reality--we do not need our parents to love us unconditionally--not really--because we are ENOUGH--at our core--even if no one ever validates us...Each of us--is a seed--of God--we are all One...not only with all that is--but with mankind...We are all brothers and sisters--its just--that some of us--know that--some of us don't--some of us want to know our truth--and...

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