This post is for anyone who is dating, living, or working with someone who has an arrogant, intellectual air about them, who finds ways to put them down. This post is for anyone who has to deal with someone who behaves as if they are supremely more intelligent than others and who MUST find ways to tell the world how amazingly brilliant they are and often at your expense.
Not all narcissists are unintelligent sociopaths. Some of them in fact, are the brightest minds on earth. When we are dealing with an intellectual or cerebral narcissist, it can be even more challenging to hold onto the self because they have such a wonderful command of language.
In the end, consider how people make you feel.
If someone respects and loves you--you'll know it.
If someone is trying to make you feel bad so they can feel good--you'll know that too.
Drop into your heart space and ask yourself, "How does this person make me feel?" and then, listen.
Don't let any little smarty pants make you feel bad about...
As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us from our toxic homes. We relied on these fantasies to help us get through a day, however, there are very real consequences to whimsical thinking.
While we were still unaware we were unaware, our brains and minds became attuned to thinking and believing in relationship dynamics that were built upon pain, immaturity, and fantasy.
Although imagining being rescued or being the rescuer helped to fill our depressed brains with fuzzy warm feeling hormones like oxytocin, on a very deep level, we were developing beliefs about how life should be.
As healing codependent adults, we need to be very careful about the way we perceive ourselves, others, and relationships.
We need to ask ourselves;
"Have I idealized this person and now, as the honeymoon period wears off, am I blaming this person for NOT sizing up to the fantasy version of this person I talked myself into...
Narcissists need a toy to play with. Much like cats play with mice, narcs like to lay in waiting until the mouse feels secure and is out in the open. Once the mouse is out in the open and is feeling safe, that is when the cat strikes the hardest. When the mouse least expects to be taken over, that is when cats enjoy striking the most.
Narcissists are clever. They lure victims in with their compliments, kind words, and adoration. In the beginning, and during the 'safe phase' they pretend to 'see' their victims in ways others have failed to. If you are a tired wife, a narcissistic man will be sure to pick up on your weary feelings and drown you with praise. He will lead you to believe that others are fools for not noticing how hard you work. He will tell you your husband is a fool for not appreciating his hard working wife. You will feel seen, heard, validated, understood, and soon you will begin to feel young and even sexy again. He will look at you in ways that make you feel...
Self care should include humility.
When we are humble, we can more clearly define ways in which we may be abusing ourselves unnecessarily.
On the healing path, we need to take the time to love the self to STOP and question whether or not we are taking care of ourselves as efficiently as possible.
Let’s face it—it is up to us to value the self.
Do you drink too much?
Do you eat too much?
Do you exercise too little?
Do you gossip?
Do you criticize others?
Do you expect others to read your mind?
When we stop to think about these types of ideas, only then can we clean up our act. We can’t fix holes in the wall we can’t see and that is why it is important to consider how humility fits in to self care.
This weekend, consider how much alcohol, sugar, or unhealthy fats you put into your divine vehicle. Consider how much time you spend oxygenating your amazing cells. Think about what energy you put out there in the world and do what you can to consciously become more...
One of the blessing of being human is the fact that we have a consciousness. Unlike animals, we have the ability to choose and to act upon our free will. Animals do not have free will. A horse cannot become a painter or violinist any more than a rose can choose to become a tulip. A tree is rooted to where its seeds have been planted. If ants wish to invade the tree, there is little the tree can do. And even a horse, if a man wishes to tame a horse and breaks its will to be free, he can. Man has dominion over the land and in the end, in spite of the horses wild and free nature, man can do what he wishes to the horse including killing it if he chooses to do so.
The human mind is not stuck inside its skull like the tree is rooted to the ground that supports it. Our mind is NOT like the horse, in that, ultimately there will be a force greater than our own that can control it. Although adult abuse survivors may feel they are being controlled by others, the truth is, it is only the belief...
Wisdom is timeless.
As it was in the beginning, it is now and ever shall be.
Who has ever entered this time-space reality and not yearned to be comfortable in their own skin?
The illogicality of this desired premise is the notion that our comfortability depends on our skin itself.
Yet, many a fine beauty has felt vile in her own skin. So then, what beings yearn for cannot be found in the flesh and blood of the material world.
What we are after, is non-physical--invisible--a
All creatures crave harmony from within. Harmony is a word that is used mostly to describe pleasing music and or sounds. Harmony--sound--music--are
It is possible to become comfortable in one's own skin, even if one's own skin is not comfortable.
It is not possible to achieve harmony from within without accepting what is the current state.
It is not possible to heal from within, without first...
All problems are the result of a beings interpretations of a particular situation. Deeper, all problems are the result of our attachments to a particular outcome we have egotistically presumed is the proper and only correct outcome. Deeper, all pain in this world is the result of a being who falsely presumes their happiness is dependent upon something or someone outside of itself they cannot realistically control.
Happiness then can only come by way of letting go of our ideas of attachment. When one intellectually or emotionally attaches to an outcome, they have unknowingly pinched themselves off from freedom. By placing our happiness on outcomes, people, situations and experiences outside of ourselves, we cut ourselves off from the joy we think we were after in the first place.
You are reading this, but you may not be in control of the thoughts that are popping into your head as you read it. You may not even be aware that you have control over the thoughts that are showing up in your...
Forgiveness is often associated with letting people off the hook. Your boyfriend cheats on you and he says he is sorry and you forgive him. Your best friend says something off hand like, “You look pregnant in that dress. You should go change” and you forgive her. Your sister claims she didn’t think you wanted to know when your mother passed away, so it was for your benefit that she did not reach out, and you forgive her.
But have your forgiven, really, or have you just avoided dealing with an issue you may not know how to deal with?
Children tend to forgive without expectation and understanding why it is they let go of their anger. Often, children just want things to be better, less tense, and because they do not have the power to assert boundaries, they simply dissociate from their emotions and fail to recognize when they have been violated.
Children let go because they have no sense of the rights they have to hold someone accountable or in believe things will...
We all KNOW when we are being abused by the way we feel--BUT--we don't always believe we do NOT deserve to be mistreated.
Sometimes, because abuse has been our norm, we simply don't recognize narcissistic abuse as a real 'thing'.
When we have been conditioned to NOT see the self--and to NOT honor the self--we don't, not because we don't want to, but because we DO NOT know how to honor the self--or believe we have the RIGHT to.
We may want to set a boundary--but may be at a loss as to how--or we fear what might happen if we do set a boundary.
This codependency thing is NO joke!
It kills our souls, our minds, our bodies.
It keeps us attracting narcissistic abuse and blind as to how or why we are unable to gain the love we seek.
It can destroy families--cause wars between countries--and has the potential to keep man asleep FOREVER.
Codependency is as dangerous as a drug--but--at least with drugs and alcohol you can SEE and TOUCH the problem.
Codependency--can NOT be seen or touched.
It is a way...
If it was easy to have healthy balanced relationships, everyone we know would be doing it, including ourselves.
The reality is, people are human, most of them are asleep to some degree, and all of us have subconscious wounds we carry, whether we are aware of them or not. This means that when we meet someone, it is HIGHLY unrealistic to presume that they will never hurt our feelings, say something that will piss us off, or meet every one of our needs every time we have a need that need to gets met. It is just as unrealistic to presume we will not offend someone we care about, no matter how hard we try.
If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR. We aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. We don’t read minds and neither do most people we meet, although often, we expect people to know precisely what we need even if we don’t have a clue as to what that is.
If we have never felt loved, as adults, we may think that love should play...