Look at this picture. What do you see? Most of us would say that we see a mirrored reflection of the buildings showing up on the water.
I always found reflections fascinating. It is said that Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection after pushing Echo away. Echo loved Narcissus, or so she believed. Echo spent the rest of her life lonely until nothing remained of her but her echo. Sadly, this relationship mirrors many codependents who seek the approval and validation of charismatic, and often beautiful narcissists, who can only love themselves.
The Death of Narcissus
The Greek Myth reveals that Nemesis decides that Narcissus' cold behavior towards Echo cannot go without punishment.
The classic version by Ovid, of Narcissus and Echo, suggests that Nemesis lured Narcissus to a pool where he fell in love with his own image. Narcissus withered there, with tremendous passion stuck inside of...
Abandonment by narcissistic parents can create codependency later on in life for the child of a narcissist. Abandonment by a parent causes deep emotional wounds that can lead to a fear of abandonment and rejection.
Healing our abandonment issues begins with understanding why we fear abandonment in the first place. If you are the child of a narcissist, you were abandoned. This is not made up! You were actually abandoned emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. Narcissistic parents project their own flaws onto their children cause great psychological abuse.
Narcissistic parents essentially teach us--their children, that who we are as individuals and souls are unimportant. Being born to narcissists means we have been born to people who are incapable of authentic love. This inability to connect on a heart level to our parents, makes us--the children feel and believe its all our fault. We are unlovable we falsely presume.
This one false premise changes EVERYTHING. It alters the...
Human beings can go an entire lifetime, unaware that the thoughts that are flowing through our minds are all tied to what information, patterns, beliefs, and programs have been downloaded as a result of childhood experiences.
Childhood emotional neglect causes great trauma and many of us fail to recognize how being ignored, treated with indifference, and sometimes even with contempt, can cause us to become emotionally arrested without us even realizing this to be true.
Don't worry too much, if you avoid feeling YOUR emotions. We all do. It is normal to avoid pain and in fact, our brain was designed to avoid it. BUT--we are MAGNIFICENT HUMAN BEINGS and we are extensions of INFINITE INTELLIGENCE, so that means, we are CREATORS and we can change our BRAINS! We can face our pain, change our brain, AND create a new, healthier paradigm.
Codependents have been programmed to believe that what they feel, and what they need is unimportant. Childhood emotional neglect, as well as...
Every human being wishes to be loved and to love. To experience love and intimacy, we must learn to be honest. Intimacy is crucial when it comes to experiencing healthy relationships, but what is intimacy exactly?
For those of us who come from abandonment, rejection, unpredictability, and addictive or abusive homes, it is not so easy to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, but without vulnerability, we can never experience intimacy.
Intimacy is tied to the ability to share ourselves with others in honest ways. It implies we are willing to share our fears, desires, opinions, and beliefs with others in a way that represents our truest, rawest selves. When we are in healthy relationships, our partners, friends, and family members can HEAR what we are saying. We are not judged, marginalized, condemned, or made fun of when we share what we offer. The intimate things we share land upon cotton sheets not beds of broken glass.
To be intimate with others requires a level of courage. We can...
“You never tell me how you’re feeling”, it’s a common complaint that men often hear. For many, it’s the first salvo in a long conversation that will cause their partners to touch on their deficiencies, and lack of emotional intimacy and disregard for their partner’s emotional needs. Ironically, the more a man is berated for not having feelings, the less likely he is to share them with the one pointing the finger. Oddly enough, conversations like these often times end up ignoring the man's feelings altogether.
Let's take a look at this dilemma, shall we?
Men are often accused by partners for 'not having feelings' and yet, men have just as many emotions and feelings as any member of the opposite sex. And just because women are more comfortable expressing how they feel, does not give us the right as females to criticize, coerce, or manipulate the men in our lives into opening up.
Let’s be clear: many men have a difficult time expressing their...
Nope, nobody has been born to make sure your life experience is comfy and cozy.
Nope, there is no one out there that is responsible for your happiness.
Nope, nobody out there can really read your mind.
Nope, not everybody is going to like you.
Nope, you will NOT be invited to every dinner party or event.
Nope, your children will not always think you’re awesome.
Nope, there is no guarantee your friends won’t disappoint you.
Now, doesn’t that feel better?
Isn’t it a relief to know that our lives are NOT supposed to be perfect?
Isn’t it awesome to know that it is okay to NOT have to make sure EVERYBODY thinks we LIKE THEM?
Isn’t it freeing to know shit is gonna’ happen and that is okay?
Childhood programming taught you to believe YOU HAD to get people's approval otherwise you might DIE.
Childhood programming taught you to believe that unless you gained the approval of others, you were UNWORTHY.
Childhood programming taught you to believe your self esteem...
We all KNOW when we are being abused by the way we feel--BUT--we don't always believe we do NOT deserve to be mistreated.
Sometimes, because abuse has been our norm, we simply don't recognize narcissistic abuse as a real 'thing'.
When we have been conditioned to NOT see the self--and to NOT honor the self--we don't, not because we don't want to, but because we DO NOT know how to honor the self--or believe we have the RIGHT to.
We may want to set a boundary--but may be at a loss as to how--or we fear what might happen if we do set a boundary.
This codependency thing is NO joke!
It kills our souls, our minds, our bodies.
It keeps us attracting narcissistic abuse and blind as to how or why we are unable to gain the love we seek.
It can destroy families--cause wars between countries--and has the potential to keep man asleep FOREVER.
Codependency is as dangerous as a drug--but--at least with drugs and alcohol you can SEE and TOUCH the problem.
Codependency--can NOT be seen or touched.
It is a way...
It is so easy to forget that within ever cell of our being is the same galactic stuff that makes up the STARS in our sky!
You are LIGHT Dear One!
At your atomic core, you, me, everyone, and everything is LIGHT.
So why is there so much chaos on the playing field of people’s minds?
Why does there seem to be so much fear on our planet?
Why can’t we seem to find the love we seek and instead find unpleasantness no matter how hard we try?
Ahh…Dear Ones…never forget you are both a DIVINE SPIRIT and a HUMAN BEING.
You have come to MASTER the limitations of the survival mechanisms that are the DEFAULT settings of man.
You have come to CHOOSE the LIGHT and to DELIBERATELY mold your CONSCIOUSNESS through the POWER of thought and by way of your DIVINE FREE WILL.
You have come to REALIZE that the mind is both conscious and unconscious at the same time, it is both dead and alive as well.
Dead and alive?
Yes, the mind is programmable and all experiences from childhood have been...
‘SHOULDS’. ‘Lisa, you should be ashamed of yourself. Lisa, you should be nice. Lisa, you should be kinder. Lisa, you should not be so angry. Lisa, you should go to church every Sunday. Lisa, you should donate more time. Lisa, you should not feel that way. Lisa, you should take care of her. Lisa, you should not do that. Lisa, you should have just said it this way not that way.’
Blah blah blah blah frickin’ blah!
And you know what happened as a result, I grew up with that faulty programming and I used the word SHOULD on my kids, my ex, my friends, and just about anyone I knew.
‘You know what you should do…’
‘You know you should have done this, not that…’
‘You should tell him…’
‘You should tell her she should…’
What goes in comes out—and when SHOULDS go in SHOULDS come out.
There is ZERO recovery without ACCOUNTABILITY and HUMILITY. We can spend three decades in therapy and hundreds...
The brain prefers the familiar, even when the familiar causes us to repeat painful patterns from the past.
The brain prefers the familiar, even when the familiar causes us to feel arrested, stuck, dependent, angry, depressed, critical, sad, lonely, frustrated, and codependent.
The brain prefers the familiar because, by nature, predictable circumstances are far less fear provoking than fears of the unknown, even if those predictable circumstances are painful.
If we people-please when we know others are upset with us, or if we react when others do not behave as we would like them to, both may be patterns from the past our wounded inner child used to cope with emotions that caused us to fear feeling abandoned, rejected, and ultimately NOT good enough.
If we freeze or run away and dissociate from painful emotions, our brain is only trying to help us move away from thoughts that terrify us. In essence, this is a protective mechanism that helps us manage overwhelming emotions we may not...