When we are codependent we do not realize that our sense of balance, peace, safety, and identity is reliant upon someone or something outside of us.
We are 'attached' to the idea that someone or something or some experience is responsible for our happiness or unhappiness.
It could be our looks, our weight, our hair, our career, our standing in a church, community or organization -- it could be our relationship status -- it could be a spouse -- a child -- friends -- a boss -- coworker -- or a career we falsely presume is the source of our happiness or identity or our misery.
When we are codependent, our ideas are confused and our neural pathways are short. We do not realize we are children in adult bodies and suffering from decades of abandonment.
We are in the habit of abandoning the self, the inner child, our bodies, and stay stuck in loops of dysfunctional reactionary behavior.
We make other people our God or our executioner and we are unaware as to the power we hold within...
When we still the mind, we can observe what areas of our lives we attach to in unhealthy ways. If you believe you need others permission to feel your feelings or to validate you, you may be placing your happiness outside of you.
Whenever we place our happiness in outer experiences we open ourselves up to suffering.
Learning to meditate, becoming more mindful, letting go of ego attachments and healing from Codependency can greatly assist us Overcome Fear.
To learn more about Lisa's online Codependency Recovery Program, you can visit
http://bit.ly/12WeekLisaaromano
Why is she narcissistic?
Why can't he just love me?
Why did he say that?
Why does she keep cheating on me?
Why doesn't he just stop and listen to me?
Why can't she just stop triangulating and just admit that she is wrong?
If you do, you're normal and just like the rest of us who are simply trying to understand abusive, unfair, dysfunctional behavior.
But here's the thing. Your power is NOT outside of you, so asking questions about other people's abusive behavior is NEVER going to get you the answers or the peace you seek by asking them. The reality is, there is NO good reason to ever abuse anyone so even if you got your answers, they would not stop the abuse anyway.
It is so freaking hard to STOP asking the wrong questions and to start asking the right ones. It means we must end looking outside of ourselves and begin looking inside of ourselves.
YIKES...
Inside is where we hold all our...
If you are suffering from codependency you are not alone. Codependency is rampant in our world today and learning to acknowledge how we enmesh, enable, attach and cling to others in unhealthy ways allows us to eventually learn to reclaim our personal self-worth.
Many who suffer from codependency have grown up feeling abandoned by those they loved. When children experience abandonment, they naturally assume it is their fault they have been unable to gain the love they deserved. Codependency is a symptom of shame, a lack of self-love, and a product...
For a very long time, I was angry, frustrated, depressed, and resentful. As Melody Beattie once described, it was like the pendulum within me flew to the opposite side of people-pleasing.
Forgiving a narcissist or someone with high narcissistic traits is NOT an easy thing to do. And when you struggle with codependency, because you have a limited sense of autonomy, it is hard enough holding onto anger let alone any other emotion. Those of us who have begged narcissistic others for validation have been abused to our core. Once there is nothing left to give, anger becomes a liferaft.
By the time I figured out what was wrong was faulty programming that had lead to codependent behaviors and language patterns that were all unconscious, I was a mess. Barely holding on, I was like an infected big toe. If the wind blew, I hurt.
For years, I held onto anger and resentment and for a time, being able to connect with anger allowed me to defend myself from what seemed to be...
I had no clue I was NOT awake when my mind was swirling and my body was failing. Every breath hurt and every step felt like the weight of the world was on my back when I was living below the veil of consciousness.
And if you had told me, "Lisa, you're asleep--you can wake up now--you can honor your self, live your life, make healthy decisions, end toxic relationships, stop caring what other people think about you, and live a life of peace, calm, confidence, spirituality, abundance, joy, fun, and fulfillment" I would have said, "Girl, you're batshit crazy.
Today, I know better, but that is only because I learned to appreciate the power of surrendering to the idea that THOUGHTS DO BECOME THINGS--and that MOST people are freaking ASLEEP, UNCONSCIOUS, living from the viewpoint of the pain-body or the WOUNDED EGO!
Lions and tigers and bears--OH MY!
It is not our fault the mind is both conscious and unconscious at the same time. Learning to appreciate that the mind can be unconscious...
A huge THANK YOU to Michele for her beautiful testimonial.
I am sure many young moms can relate to feeling overwhelmed by trauma, codependency, work, school and the day to day responsibilities of life, especially when our spiritual toolbox is fairly empty.
When we have not been nurtured, it is all but impossible to nurture the self. Add a few narcissistic, abusive, toxic relationships in the mix, and it is not difficult to see how heavy a life experience can become. We can all relate to how much more difficult life becomes when we add a child or two as well.
Lions and tigers and bears OH FREAKING MY!
When we do not know HOW TO address an overwhelming emotion, what choices do we have?
We suppress, deny, avoid, react, dissociate, fawn, work, yell, and do whatever we can to manage the tension or the anxiety that shows up when we are unable to find relief from the feelings we are feeling.
And that is NOT our fault.
Luckily, there is a way out, although the road can be bumpy at times,...
Codependency recovery relies on one's ability and willingness to see one's self as wounded, imperfect, flawed and unwell. Considering that codependency is rooted in shame, guilt, abandonment, feelings of unworthiness and utter powerlessness, healing from codependency is a monumental task.
I never saw myself as codependent because unlike my mother who would acquiesce to my more narcissistic father, I had a big mouth. I was verbal about what I thought was wrong in my relationship with my ex-husband and I did not back down from confrontation. In fact, I welcomed the hearty discussions regarding our relationship.
On the surface, no one would have guessed how powerless, insecure, frightened, lonely, depressed, unworthy, and anxious I felt. My house looked perfect. My kids looked perfect. My relationship looked perfect. Our business looked perfect and never did I dare tell anyone just what a sham my entire life was, or at least what it felt like to me.
In spite of the incredible...
Namaste Dear Ones!
Nobody ever tells us this, but they should. On the path to emotional sobriety, we will be faced with ALL OF OUR FEARS! Our ego will be challenged and every one of our wounds will be activated. We will be confronted with choices we once prayed we'd never have to make.
Will we choose them, or will we choose ourselves?
Will we stay quiet, or will be rock the boat?
Will we stay, or will we walk away?
Will we react and lash out, or will we surrender and accept what we cannot change?
Will we people-please, fawn and dissociate, or will we walk through the fear of making changes that will require us to face our fear of being alone?
Lions and frikin' tigers and bears--OH MY!
The road to recovery and healing from codependency is a path to enlightenment.
When we suffer from the fear of abandonment, we do not realize we are living below the veil of consciousness as ego clings tightly to conditioned behaviors it was powerless to control while...
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