Forgive me for not sending the standard, 'Ho Ho Ho Happy Holiday Message'. I promise you I am not a scrooge or some old resentful woman whose agenda it is to bring people down during the holidays. In fact, this message is really about LOVE, HOPE, and JOY in spite of its title.
As a Life Coach and as someone who has coached thousands of people personally, as well as through my online coaching platforms, I have learned to believe that the majority of us who have come from less than super nurturing homes, don't always look forward to the holiday season. In fact, many of us experience an exacerbation of feelings of loneliness, depression, sadness, and despair.
There are many different reasons why so many of us experience less than joy during this time of year. Sometimes our bodies are recalling the trauma and the drama we experienced during the holidays as children, and below the veil of consciousness, our subconscious mind is simply making connections. In my...
It is not uncommon for abused adult children to put someone they know on a pedestal. Often those of us who have experienced childhood trauma, attach ourselves to best friends, people, lovers, spouses, and alike, and place all our dreams upon these ‘others.’ On some level, we are escaping the abyss our abandonment trauma has left in its wake by making someone else or something our external higher power. This friend, we think, shall help us avoid the pain we know lurks within our soul. We become ATTACHED and live in FEAR that the relationship one day may possibly end, although we may never consciously acknowledge that this is true.
This type of codependency only reinforces our lack of self-love. Whenever we make someone else our god, savior or rescuer, we are turning away from the DIVINE SOURCE within us. When we ATTACH to someone outside of us, in an attempt to avoid our abandonment trauma, we unknowingly place unrealistic expectations upon them. We unconsciously wish...
We teach our College Students about economics and statistics. We think by preparing them to 'work in a field of their choice that we are preparing them for life but that is not the case. Preparing someone to be effective at a skill is not the same as preparing them for life, and since all life is centered upon the one life--living the life, it is essential we expand our understanding of what it means to prepare children for life.
I was honored to be invited to speak to some College Students about Codependency, Unhealthy Attachments, and the Self. It was a complete humble pleasure to be asked such thought provoking questions and to have College Students walk away wondering things like, "Why am I valuable? What makes me valuable? Why am I worthy?"
My hope was to expand the consciousness of these amazing students with ideas that allowed them to feel connected to the idea that they are valuable simply because they exist and that the things that they choose to do...
It took me a very long time to realize that when I reacted to aggressive others with the same intensity that they offered me, that I was actually equalizing myself to THEIR energies.
When I finally SHUTTY SHUTTY and learned to OBSERVE myself, I was able to acknowledge this vibrational truth. Once I acknowledged how I was showing up in my own skin, I found the FREE WILL to liberate myself from EGO.
We may not always realize it, but other people's anger has the ability to CONTROL us outside our conscious awareness.
To be liberated is find the ability to control the mind and especially our emotions.
The next time someone throws their anger and shade your way, bob and weave Dear Ones--bob and weave.
Don't take the bait--stay in the vibration of LOVE.
Codependency sucks and generally, many of us do not heal until we have experienced so much pain, we can no longer stay in denial.
We might hang on to that snotty friend who minimizes us in front of other people because her mother is an alcoholic and we feel ‘sorry’ for her. We might not confront our spouse about how rejected we feel whenever they make fun of our thighs because we are afraid we might make them angry and maybe cause them to leave us. We might take care of our friend's bills, even though we know the reason they can’t pay their rent is that they’re on drugs. We might lie for our sibling even though we know they stole money from our mother because we don’t know how to set boundaries.
In many of the cases, codependency stays in play until one day the pain of ignoring how we feel reaches critical mass and we just cannot take it anymore. Out of denial, we are forced to save ourselves as we realize, those we have lied for, catered to and...
Codependents are those of us who have grown up detached and dissociated from the divine self, who have learned to ignore our inner child, and who have been conditioned to behave in ways that allow us to exist without really existing.
We are people who have felt emotionally ignored, despised, devalued, neglected, and disregarded, who today, are learning that fawning, rescuing, lying, and denying our true desires leads to depression, anxiety, resentment, chronic illnesses, inflammation, divorce, cheating, and toxic relationships.
The older we get we begin understanding that praying others will read our minds so we don't have to dare risk telling our truth, only wastes our precious Creator Given-Limited time on this miraculous planet called Earth.
Healing from this EPIDEMIC called CODEPENDENCY begins with telling our truth at least to ourselves. Confessing our truth to ourselves can be scary because we have been conditioned to gain the validation and attachment to others at all costs....
We all strive for it--but no one can define it. How crazy is that?
We all want it--berate ourselves for not gaining it, but none of us have any clue what it is like to be 'perfect'.
Who has the perfect set of eyes?
Who has the perfect nose?
Who has perfect hair, career, teeth, relationship, home, or family life?
And by the way, who gets to set those parameters anyway?
What imperfect human out there gets to tell the rest of us what perfect is?
In a day where television and radio 'programming' fill our quantum fields with visual and audio messages that covertly brainwash us to assume some ridiculous set of unreachable standards, it is imperative we RECLAIM our SUBCONSCIOUS MINDS.
WE THE PEOPLE, forget, we OWN our BRAINS and our MINDS and we have a RIGHT to decide what our definition of perfect is.
My definition of perfection is this...feel free to add your own...as to breakthrough the faulty MATRIX that has been weaved together for centuries is going to take a TREMENDOUS effort and by...
The day we are physically born represents our entrance into an unconscious world with an unconscious brain.
Our true birthday is the day we AWAKEN from the MATRIX and we begin understanding that in the moment before we were unaware we were unaware and yet in THIS DIVINE moment, we have given birth to this new MIND BLOWN perception.
No one is awakened unless they realize they once were asleep.
Codependency is the opposite of self-actualization. We are STUCK, ENMESHED, ATTACHED, TRAUMA-BONDED, ADDICTED, and alike to others in ways that help to alienate our psychological self from our AUTHENTIC SELF.
Of course, we don't know this, and because the mind is dualistic and both conscious and unconscious at the same time, we think because we eat, sleep, talk, breath, and pee, that we are awake.
Umm....no...that is not the case...That is sleep-walking...Just sayin'.
The moment YOU awaken--THAT is your true BIRTHDAY and like all special days, it should be CELEBRATED!
Most likely, no one will...
We are confused and rightfully so.
The ego and the brain cause us to falsely believe in a unilateral experience that is framed in seconds and moments in time.
We think that what is happening now is happening now only because of what is happening now.
Our psyche, nervous system, and all other systems of the body are overrun by external stimuli which triggers internal stimuli to become activated. As a result, our subconscious beliefs and preconceptions are in control.
Our real self observes silently, like an eagle perched on a high branch, until the psyche begins to awaken to the self.
Our childhood experiences matter. The body, as well as memory, have recorded each experience of each stage of our childhood. Each stage of our childhood was experienced by a child with a unique perspective and that perspective depended greatly upon many factors, like our age, parental influences, socioeconomic conditions, stress levels, nurturing and or the lack of nurturing.
The younger we were, the...