Since embracing the idea that my life and all its turmoil was directly linked to the alcoholism that had plagued my family for generations, incrementally my life has gotten better and better. Up until my full acknowledgment of just how deeply my wounds ran--and more specifically why my wounds ran so deeply, incrementally my life had continued to spiral out of control. When I used to hear the term 'Adult Child of an Alcoholic' it never phased me to consider that I or my siblings, or my parents for that matter could have ever been associated with such a title. In my fragile bubble, included blinders disguised as denial and emotional chaos. I could see nothing but my own victim-hood--then.

It has taken me years to unravel the syndrome that infested my soul like bees. It was not an easy shield to lay down; the one that protected me from believing that there was anything wrong with me. In my world, everyone else had the problem--but me. Me? I was miserable because someone didn't do this...

Children from homes run by alcoholics are children who are not having their developmental needs met consistently.

If you wanted to build a skyscraper that you knew would last hundreds of years, much time, effort, thought, care, and diligence would go into nurturing that project. The reality is, people research buying cars, shopping for insurance and building skyscrapers more than they do on how to raise children. In this society raising children is considered a no-brainer. And yet in spite of the overwhelming evidence that clearly indicates that our societies children are in trouble, we continue to fail at getting to the root of the true issues. Generally, parents clearly have no idea what the hell they are doing.

I was raised in what is considered a 'dry home', meaning--my parents were not obvious alcoholics. In fact, I never saw my mother drink--ever, and only once was I aware my father was drunk, although he drank beer or wine almost every night after work.

My home looked...

So often I am asked, "So Miss Lisa, how do I heal from codependency and stop attracting narcissistic people into my life?"

Its such a tough question to answer, primarily because most people really do not have a true grip on how deep an issue codependency really is.  I coach clients who have been in and out of traditional therapies for decades, who have said that not once did a psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist ever mention words like, enmeshment, codependency, or narcissism while they were being treated for anxiety, depression, bipoloar disorder, or BPD like symptoms. 

WTF???

Eating issues are symptoms of something much deeper. Let's stop calling it a disorder.

Dysfunctional homes come in all shapes and sizes. Contrary to popular belief, DH's are not exclusive to projects and graffiti-riddled neighborhoods. In fact, DH's are sometimes the neatest houses on the block. They often are two-parent homes with fancy cars in the driveway. Dysfunctional caretakers can be athletes, lawyers, CPA's and neurosurgeons. And this folks, is part of why so many children from DH's are bulimic, anorexic, overeaters, and exercise compulsively. When the dysfunctional home is hard to notice--the children absorb the angst from the home--and act it out in subjective forms.

Their lives are mirrors to their family dynamics. Just as an outwardly lean, blonde cheerleader would appear to be happy--inside she may be riddled with angst--just as her home--may look perfect--it may not be. The key is the contrast between what the child sees--and what the child feels.

Although it is...

Anything that we experience within the mental and or emotional body must manifest in the physical body. We can never separate our emotional or mental experience from our physical bodies--as all beings are the sum of that which is experienced on every level of existence.

Codependent relationships are maddening--as it is a dynamic that sucks emotional and mental bodies in like vacuums.

One minute a codependent being can be laughing and enjoying the sound of a child's laughter, and the next--he/she can notice an unease in their partner's facial expression and suddenly feel sucked into a dark hole mentally and emotionally.

One glance--one glare--one frown--one shrug of a shoulder--one movement--one word--one sentence--is all it takes for a codependent being to fill with dread.

When you are codependent--you--and your stability is not the priority.

Like a prisoner sentenced to live life according to the rules set by others--codependents play by the rules of others--and lose...

Narcissistic Abuse hurts like NO OTHER pain!

Why?

Because narcissists KNOW they have to gain access to your HEART in order to cripple you from the INSIDE OUT!

Why do they do this?

Narcissists KNOW they must love-bomb you to soften you up--so you drop your guard--so you unzip your heart space--so they can crawl into your wounds--so they can set up a command station--right there inside your most sacred space.

Why do they do this?

Narcissists do this because they know they need a MOLE! They know that if they are NOT inside of your mind, your heart, and your soul--they will have less of a chance to CONTROL you.

Does the COLD VIRUS harm you if it is sitting on your coffee table?

NO!

BUT--the cold virus DOES harm you once it finds its way into your system--when it ENTERS you--it can harm you.

Narcissists MUST enter into your energetic and psychic body--and they do this through MANIPULATION.

Why does their love-bombing work?

We fall for their love-bombing because many of us have been so...

Mom Has Transitioned and Now it is Done

As many of you know, my mom recently passed away on my birthday early in March.  She had been battling dementia since suffering a prefrontal lobe stroke over five years ago.  I am sure many of you can imagine, how difficult it can be to lose a mother, not once, but many times over.
 

When you are born to parents who cannot attune themselves to you, the very fragile, immature, underdeveloped limbic brain believes it is being threatened and all systems designed by infinite intelligence to warn a human being that their survival is being threatened is TRIGGERED. Sadly, when you are born to parents who cannot see you and who are also suffering from their own unconsciousness, you live a life marinating in toxic goop, which includes chemicals like cortisol, and adrenaline.  These chemicals were never intended for LONG TERM excretion. They were designed to be pumped out when necessary and alleviated once homeostasis had been...

Often times we don't realize we need a boundary until it is too late.

When we find ourselves raging, crying, yelling, screaming, whining, feeling sorry for ourselves, complaining about who did what, or who said what, we may not be aware that a boundary may have prevented the messy drama we end up having to navigate.

When we are feeling tired, overwhelmed, abandoned, exasperated, bewildered, tossed aside, perplexed, confused, and dazed by others lack of consideration, in those moments, we may not be entirely aware that a little ol' boundary could have prevented the sticky conundrum we have found ourselves in.

Life is a melting pot of who said what and who did what, and unless we are clearly defined as individuals, we will undoubtedly get mixed up in other people's cupcake mix.

Be honest, when have you found yourself raging, crying, or feeling sorry for yourself, and today now realize that all that you needed to do was HONOR how you felt--tell your TRUTH and set a BOUNDARY?

When...

We all KNOW the TRUTH.

We all KNOW when we are being abused by the way we feel--BUT--we don't always believe we do NOT deserve to be mistreated.

Sometimes, because abuse has been our norm, we simply don't recognize narcissistic abuse as a real 'thing'.

When we have been conditioned to NOT see the self--and to NOT honor the self--we don't, not because we don't want to, but because we DO NOT know how to honor the self--or believe we have the RIGHT to.

We may want to set a boundary--but may be at a loss as to how--or  we fear what might happen if we do set a boundary.

This codependency thing is NO joke!

It kills our souls, our minds, our bodies.

It keeps us attracting narcissistic abuse and blind as to how or why we are unable to gain the love we seek.

It can destroy families--cause wars between countries--and has the potential to keep man asleep FOREVER.

Codependency is as dangerous as a drug--but--at least with drugs and alcohol you can SEE and TOUCH the...

Anger can be a double-edged sword and it is wise to respect this emotion.

Anger can imply our boundaries have been crossed and signal our bodies to take appropriate action.

1) We may need a boundary
2) We may need to leave a job
3) We may need to end a relationship
4) We may need to become more self-accountable
5) We may need to check our dependencies on others
6) We may need to take better care of ourselves

On the healing path, it is absolutely required to CHECK your SELF along the way. When we don't, we can get into more trouble than the job or the relationship we left behind.

Leaving one relationship and jumping into another is not the wisest thing to do.

Finding the neediest woman or man in the room, taking them home, feeding them chicken soup, buying them a new pair of shoes, giving them a place to sleep, and offering them a self-help book, doesn't work, especially when we are operating from the unconscious plane and delude ourselves by thinking our actions are healthy and...