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Healing Toxic Shame

Healing Toxic Shame 

If you are a healthy person,  you have a conscience and this aspect of your personality can help you curb behaviors that are not in alignment with your personal value system. When your conscience helps you recognize how screaming at your kids hurts their souls, upon reflection, the pain you feel when considering how your children feel can assist you as you reach for more patience in the future. In the future, when you exercise more patience with your children, you experience a boost in your personal moral. You feel better about yourself and your children feel better about you too, as well as themselves. 

When our conscience operates without shame spirals, we experience personal emotional, spiritual, and even mental growth. When we are humble enough to 'listen' to our conscience, we can change the course of our lives and overcome just about any obstacle thrown our way. 

But what happens when shame takes over the voice of our...

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Living Above the Veil of Consciousness

Living Above the Veil of Consciousness

At your core, there is an absolute!

This absolute core is beyond ANY illusion and external experience that has ever touched you mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually.

Veils, curtains, walls, and films have impeded your ability to make CONSCIOUS contact with this absolutely perfect and divine aspect of you.

Trauma Impacts Our Lens of Perception

Trauma and its effect on the brain have initiated the weaving of such protective veils, walls, and films and only CONSCIOUS effort can disintegrate them.

It is true that one who has been victimized is, in fact, a victim. There is no doubt that anger, resentment, shame, guilt, fear, sadness, loneliness, and powerlessness are products of having been victimized, BUT we must never forget, beyond these emotional experiences lies a divine truth.

  • You are not your emotions.
  • You are not your body.



However, veils, curtains, walls, and films, cause you to slumber and to stay asleep between the dimensions...

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Honoring the Self

Honoring the Self

When we don't honor the self, we are disconnecting from our true source of power.

As children, we honored our parents and believed in whatever we were taught, felt and experienced. If we felt unloved, we believed that meant we were unlovable. We did not know it was possible to be objective or to see our parents as 'wrong'.

As adults, we eventually learn that what happens in childhood repeats in adulthood. Like a reflection to our past, what we saw and learned to believe we tend to see and believe outside of us as adults.

On the road to recovery, healing codependency and narcissistic abuse, we learn to be more objective about who we think we are, or who we have been taught to think we are.

Learning to honor yourself is a process of self-actualization. It means we are willing to peek into Pandora's box like a detective looks for clues, rather than reacting to the instinctive emotional impulse to run, hide, deny, eat, or react.
If you are learning to honor the self,...
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Healing from the Past

Healing from the Past

When we are children we know we are powerless. We know we are small. We know that asking for permission is part of the role we must play and accept. It is what it is.


As we grow, and if we do not learn to release the need to feel like we need permission to BE who we are, and to do what we wish to do, we wait for permission.

  • We wait for permission to feel, to think, to do, to want, and to explore what we wish.We wait for permission to be happy or sad.
  • We wait for permission to try something new or we wait to be excused from having to do something we hate.

 

Below the Veil of Consciousness

Below the veil of consciousness, we remain in invisible shackles, and like the baby elephant who has been chained to a tree and as an adult elephant does not know it can run far from that tree, we stay where we were rooted.

Today, consider the idea that you are absolutely ALLOWED to explore yourself!
You are absolutely allowed to FEEL what you feel.

You are absolutely...

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How do we love the self, if the self that we are was taught it was unworthy or irrelevant?

Those of us who struggle with self love, forget that it is okay to give ourselves permission to love the self.

Many of us don't know how to love the self and struggle with understanding what that means.

How do we love the self, if the self that we are was taught it was unworthy or irrelevant?

Great question!
When we are learning to love the self, we understand that deep within us is an essence that is as valid as any other person or thing in the entire universe.
We learn to understand that just because someone we loved, perhaps was unable to love us in a way that we needed, does not mean we are not worthy of love.

We also learn to understand that even if, those we loved refused to love us, that does not mean we are unworthy of. love.

When we begin giving ourselves permission to love the self, our entire world shifts!

If you were waiting for someone to love you enough so you could love the self, Dear One, it is time to be the one you were looking for.

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Letting Toxic Family Members Go

Letting Go of Toxic Family Members

One of the most difficult things we can do as human beings is detach from dysfunctional family. Our innate survival default will draw us to bonding with family, even if our family is dysfunctional. 

When our family is dysfunctional, the problems are not always visible. 

In this video, I help people understand the need to learn how to validate the self, when someone decides to go no contact with toxic family members. 

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Narcissists Don't Always Know They are Narcissists

Do Narcissists Know They Are Narcissists?

Narcissists don't always know they are narcissists.

We have to keep this in mind. A narcissist is like speaking to a tree. A tree is convinced its a tree. But what if the tree was really a bush but the bush just thought it was a tree? 


Some narcissists insist they are kind, wonderful human beings. They are unaware they are not trees--they are NOT kind and they are not LOVING. Instead they are self-absorbed and only exhibit kind and loving behaviors when it SUITS THEM.

They are only able to appear to be kind and loving when doing so helps make THEM look good.

Vulnerable Narcissists

Beware of the wolf in grandma's clothing, who smells like warm baked apple pie. They may have tears in their eyes, gifts in their arms and look like sheep, but before long, you'll begin to feel like you've got claws in your back. 

The shy vulnerable narcissist is the person who uses a sob story to lure you into their lair of emotional doom! They will...

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When Mothers Fail

When Mother's Fail

A child's first protector is its mother and when a mother fails to protect her child from other's abuse and in turn becomes a perpetrator, her child will suffer the greatest human tragedy. The wounds will be invisible. No one will understand the ingredients that make up the child's tears. No one will fathom the heaviness of the child's vibration, and yet, when the child cries or acts out, others will assume what is wrong is the child.

Abuse happens in bedrooms, kitchens, living rooms, and basements when the front doors are locked and the house windows are closed. Family and friends, school personnel and even authorities often dismiss the possibility of abuse, denying their own ignorance and justifying their disbelief based on a subconscious conflict. Often people dismiss abuse as a reality because THEY have not witnessed the abuse, although logical minds understand abuse happens when there are no witnesses to be found.

When mothers fail, every system of a...

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Codependency is the result of faulty childhood programming and is rooted in the guts of emotional wounds suffered as a child

As an author and Life Coach dedicated to sharing what she has learned in this lifetime, with the intent of helping others heal their troubled pasts, oftentimes I find myself teetering upon quite a delicate tightrope.
 
Because I believe firmly that most emotional woes are rooted in codependent thought processes, I do not believe it is possible to heal a wound one cannot name. Healing codependency requires great personal courage as well as conviction. Most abusers deny that any abuse has ever taken place, which leaves the child victim not only feeling invalidated, but often questioning their own perceptions of the past. In these types of cases, defining wounds of the past can be a most daunting task.
 
When caretakers refuse to acknowledge any abuse has taken place, it is up to the individual in search of healing to learn to honor their own perceptions, in spite of being invalidated by the others in their lives. Healing can often be a most terrifying experience....
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Healing codependency gives birth to consciousness

Deepak Chopra speaks of the field of potential.
Eckhart Tolle speaks of quieting the Ego and learning to become the observer.
 
My issue is if we have shame closing the door to our ability to observe what is, we naturally stay bound to the wheels of karma through subconscious programming.
 
My mind will NOT run towards an emotional forest fire within me.
My mind will NOT never be able to access the field of potential if the default settings of my wounded ego are wired to deny, deflect and dissociate.
 
Therefore, the only way to access the field of potential is to learn how to freaking OBSERVE myself walking through the damn forest fire of emotions within me!
 
If I want to access the field of potential, yes, I must become the observer BUT I also have to learn to surrender to the pain and override my egos desire to prevent me from experiencing more pain.
 
Codependency enmeshed us. We believed we were our emotions, feelings, and bodily sensations....
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