Codependency and Resentment
One of the emotions many codependents rely on to help us feel less powerless is resentment.
When we are angry at someone who has not done what we think they should have, and often when our own abandonment traumas have been triggered, our minds can rear off into the land of punishment and vindictiveness. The more VALUE we have placed on someone or on the relationship, the more RESENTFUL we are when that person does not behave the way we think they should have.
But here is the problem…resentment and vindictiveness keeps us stuck and repeating patterns of thought that reinforce our feelings of victimhood. While we are lashing out, we are essentially telling the universe that this other person hurt us and we are pissed off because we have been victimized in some way.
In a nutshell, we are telling the universe—“I AM A VICTIM—see how angry I am—see how pissed off I am—see how much power this person has over me—I have NO power myself—I have no...
Having emotions are normal and valid. Learning to Master Your Emotions is priceless.
I am not 'playing the victim' when I admit that as a child I was brainwashed to believe my emotions were irrelevant and that the more I tried to pretend I did not have feelings, the crazier, lonelier and more terrified I felt.
Far too often people who do not understand that in order to heal an emotion you must feel an emotion, judge those who are struggling to validate why they feel the way they do.
I have heard people tell others 'to suck it up -- get over the past -- stop whining -- it is time to put your adult panties back on' and so on.
While there is a seed of truth in what people like these are saying: we all need to eventually get to a place where we understand that the only person who can help us move past the past is us, shaming others for struggling to process experiences they were denied the right to experience is ignorant, judgmental, unnecessary, and just plain wrong.
Emotions motivate EVERY decision, thought, action, desire, word, and inactions we can experience.
When...
When Love Goes In Love Comes Out
As adults, we tend to get stuck in the mire of the problems of the moment. If we are depressed, resentful, sad, disempowered, and just plain stuck, we rarely lift our heads in curiosity and simply ask 'Why?'
If you have been mistreated, neglected, and have suffered abuse, it is not your fault if misery has become a faithful companion.
What goes in comes out.
As it is below so shall it be above.
When love and acceptance go in, we feel the love and acceptance of self.
When fear, hate, and abuse go in, we feel these energies within us.
It is not our fault if when as innocent, powerless beings dysfunctional authority figures infected us with their negative energies.
However, today, as free will thinking adults, we have the potential and the right to heal our lives through the raising of our consciousness, the learning of new programs, and the acting upon truth.
You were never not enough.
Within you is the power to change what goes in so you can change what comes out.
All my love!
...
Social Media and External Validation: The Pitfalls
The world has become taken over by Social Media and while I believe the POWER to connect with people from all over the world is purely magical, I can’t help but acknowledge the DARK side of social media as well.
When our entire reason for living comes down to who and how many people like a pic or a post we post to a social media site, we’ve crossed the line. Social media can be addicting and if we are not careful, we can lose all sense of balance while participating in online forums. From political and religious differences to stalking the ex or to being stalked by the ex, to family feuds that get hashed out on virtual forums, the FEAR of what other people think is EVERYWHERE.
It is important to make sure we CHECK ourselves and we don’t lose all the hard work we have...
Divorcing a Covert Narcissist
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Verbal Abuse Hurts as Much as Physical Abuse
What goes in sticks.
What goes in must come out.
Verbal abuse as a child is impressed upon the subconscious mind and in time becomes what the ego fears and the inner critic spits back.
Verbal abuse is akin to taking a bat to the mind and heart of a child. Some of the worst abuse committed upon children is done through airwaves.
If you verbally abuse yourself, you’re not crazy. There is a reason.
The wonderful news is you can reprogram the tongue of the inner critic if you can assure the ego it’s safe to let go.
Refuse to abuse YOU any longer!
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10 Mind Games Narcissists Play
Narcissists have shadows as we all do but unlike healthier others, they are unable to experience self-awareness or self-realization. Their minds work to ward off seeing themselves and all their character flaws for what they are.
If they are liars, they will never see themselves as such or they will rationalize why they abuse you, deceive you and continue to take from you.
If they steal from you, they will not see it as stealing. Instead, they will rationalize why they are entitled to take from you without having to give to you.
They will tell themselves a story that prevents them from understanding how their selfish, self-serving behaviors are acceptable.
They will never admit that they lie, cheat, or steal. Their minds will always justify why they have done what they have done.
They will never see you as a victim of their personality disorder. Instead, they will forever view themselves as a victim, fail to take accountability and as soon as they are done with you, they are on to...
Wounded Adults -- Children Stuck in Time -- Healing our Dependency Upon Others -- Lisa A Romano
When we are codependent we do not realize that our sense of balance, peace, safety, and identity is reliant upon someone or something outside of us.
We are 'attached' to the idea that someone or something or some experience is responsible for our happiness or unhappiness.
It could be our looks, our weight, our hair, our career, our standing in a church, community or organization -- it could be our relationship status -- it could be a spouse -- a child -- friends -- a boss -- coworker -- or a career we falsely presume is the source of our happiness or identity or our misery.
When we are codependent, our ideas are confused and our neural pathways are short. We do not realize we are children in adult bodies and suffering from decades of abandonment.
We are in the habit of abandoning the self, the inner child, our bodies, and stay stuck in loops of dysfunctional reactionary behavior.
We make other people our God or our executioner and we are unaware as to the power we hold within...
Love Addiction -- No More Chasing Love -- Lisa A Romano
Love addiction is intoxicating. It is also catastrophic as it is built upon the broken bones of a wounded inner child.
When we have come from homes that have caused us to question our worth as human beings because those who loved us have missed the mark by failing to appreciate how crucial it was for children to FEEL seen, wanted, and understood, a great gaping hole forms in our soul. This hole aches to be filled and behaves like a vacuum for what the ego believes will fill it.
The ego is immature. Its concepts about love are childlike. Ego is under the illusion that fairy-tale-like love will fill this void and allow the being that we are to finally feel FULL, WHOLE, and ENOUGH. Ego operates with limited understandings. It does not know about addiction. It does not understand that groveling, obsessing, and begging are behaviors that are tied to our initial abandonment. Ego only knows pain vs pleasure and with its limited understanding about love, believes a fairy-tale is what it...
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