Codependent recovery, when done deeply will kick our ass.
As codependents, we have lost our identity and who we think we are can be enmeshed with how worthy or valuable we are to others.
OMG and SMH!!!!
Codependents make OTHER people our GOD!
We make other people our HIGHER POWER!
We obsess about taking care of people who can't take care of themselves, and often, we rant, rage, and complain the entire time we are catering to the needs of others.
We are out of control, pissed, depressed, and resentful, because we are tired, frustrated, and feel abandoned.
We do not know we are abandoning the self and WORSE--we do not know how to RESCUE the self.
WHAT A FREAKING EMOTIONAL, SPIRITUAL, NEUROLOGICAL, VIBRATIONAL, PHYSICAL, and PSYCHOLOGICAL MESS!!!!!!!!
Withdrawal is a HUGE part of CODEPENDENT RECOVERY and it is SCARY AS HELL!
We don't know how to NOT take care of other people, or how to NOT anticipate the needs of others.
We don't know how to focus on our own self-care.
We don't know...
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month and the charity I support is Safe Horizons which offers immediate resources to our brothers and sisters in need.
I wanted to share legislation that Safe Horizons has just helped pass here in New York. Due to the efforts of this amazing charity, they have passed a law that allows NYC to provide families in crisis with baby diapers and baby wipes.
This may not sound like a big deal, but for the mom or dad who has just fleed a domestic violence situation with barely the skin on their backs, diapers and baby wipes are a much-needed necessity that is easily overlooked, not to mention, they can also be expensive.
Please read about the change those at Safe Horizon and their partners of volunteers and supporters are helping to bring to the lives of those who discover themselves in chaotic and troubling dynamics.
"For parents of babies, toddlers, and very young children, there are many concerns and needs to be met for their little ones. Many...
The older I get the more humble I become, and the more I appreciate the saying, "Youth is wasted on the young."
The decades I spent chasing, begging, reacting, and pleading to be heard, understood, respected, held, nurtured, and loved are all gone.
The only thing ANY of us have that is worth worrying about is our TIME.
Time is the ONLY thing you can NEVER get back.
It is not our fault we are born asleep.
It is not our fault our mind is dualistic and both conscious and unconscious at the same time.
It is not our fault that NURTURE is primarily responsible for what beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors drive our lives.
It is not our fault our brain is designed to RECALL and REMEMBER pain.
It is not our fault we have been raised by people who are under the organic and natural spell of the wounded ego.
BUT--if we are to PUSH humanity forward, it is our responsibility to AWAKEN to the truth and then do all we can to LIVE that truth--in spite of those who still believe in the lie.
The truth sets us free but that does not mean it is easy to look at, pull apart, process, respect, work through, or heal from.
I was raised by an ex-Marine who struggled with his emotions who ingrained my siblings and I to believe crying was a form of weakness. Whether this had anything to do with his own perception of being a 'Tough Marine' or not, the ideas he brainwashed into my siblings and I have had devastating and lifelong consequences.
My father refused to ever allow himself to feel vulnerable and raw. He feared to expose himself and his true emotions because he was afraid of being seen as weak. Feeling vulnerable as an adult male hit too close to his pocket of pain and shame, the one that nearly consumed him when he was about 3 or 4 years old.
My father's mother committed suicide when he was just a young child. His father was a raging alcoholic who hid his emotions by drowning them out with six packs of beer. My father had no healthy male role models. And so, because this...
One of the emotions many codependents rely on to help us feel less powerless is resentment.
When we are angry at someone who has not done what we think they should have, and often when our own abandonment traumas have been triggered, our minds can rear off into the land of punishment and vindictiveness. The more VALUE we have placed on someone or on the relationship, the more RESENTFUL we are when that person does not behave the way we think they should have.
But here is the problem…resentment and vindictiveness keeps us stuck and repeating patterns of thought that reinforce our feelings of victimhood. While we are lashing out, we are essentially telling the universe that this other person hurt us and we are pissed off because we have been victimized in some way.
In a nutshell, we are telling the universe—“I AM A VICTIM—see how angry I am—see how pissed off I am—see how much power this person has over me—I have NO power myself—I have...
If you are feeling resistance anywhere in life, you may want to have your Higher Self have a little talk with your EGO.
If you have someone you are angry at, you may not realize you might be stuck in EGO.
Ego is a defensive state and when we are in this mindset we are stuck in the past. The Ego is non-creative and unless we expand our minds, we are doomed to repeat the cycles of our past.
Many of us are addicted to something, whether that is a relationship, Facebook, Instagram, television, food, anger, sex, shopping, alcohol, drugs, or our phones.
Many of us are running away from an emptiness we cannot name and in the busying ourselves with OUTSIDE things, we get to evade the pang of that emptiness.
Hence, why so many of us are codependent.
When we are in relationships that are unhealthy, we may not realize how the dynamics help us avoid something much deeper. When we are in painful relationships, we often fail to acknowledge the addictive cycle that emerges and how that cycle serves our brain's need to avoid pain.
Staying in unhealthy relationships allows us to avoid the pain of our own abandonment trauma and the debilitating shame that accompanies that trauma. The more chaotic the relationship, the less time or need we have to go within.
When we are trying to kick any addiction, we must acknowledge that doing so will present us with a tremendous feeling of LOSS....
ALL children are conditioned and programmed to believe the thoughts that show up in their very limited minds.
And that is okay.
ALL parents are imperfect. ALL parents make mistakes. ALL parents get angry from time to time. ALL parents say the wrong things, get frustrated, misunderstand, get tired, meltdown, and wish they could do better.
It is better to admit we are imperfect than try to convince the world we are perfect.
It is better to admit we have shortcomings than to spend our lives lying and pretending our lives are as perfect as our Facebook Selfies appear.
It is better to admit to ourselves that we make mistakes and screw up really, really bad sometimes than it is to berate ourselves for NOT being perfect.
It is better to admit to our children we are learning as we go and that we will be short sided sometimes and apologize when we hurt them than it is to make them feel guilty because we screwed up.
It is better to admit to the ex that we know we are not perfect than it is...