My Formula: When to enforce a boundary

It is probably one of the most emotionally challenging things to do as a human being who loves another human being. Setting boundaries with those we love can be difficult and anxiety provoking. So how do we know when we should set a boundary with someone we love?

It is certainly a complicated question and it has helped me to develop a certain protocol around boundary setting with people I love. It is not always fail proof, but having some type of concrete plan has helped me feel less anxious when put in a difficult spot by someone I care about.

My formula is fairly simple. If someone is talking poorly about me and not to me, that is something I generally brush off unless this person is someone who claims to love, honor, and respect me. If I am spoken about poorly about someone who claims to care about me and our relationship, my general rule of thumb is to confront them personally, directly, and to let them know precisely how what I heard made me feel. If this person then reacts by...
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Learning to own one’s history is the key to healing the wounds of the past

As an author and Life Coach dedicated to sharing what she has learned in this lifetime, with the intent of helping others heal their troubled pasts, often times I find myself teetering upon quite a delicate tightrope.

Because I believe firmly that most emotional woes are rooted in codependent thought processes, I do not believe it is possible to heal a wound one cannot name. Healing codependency requires great personal courage as well as conviction. Most abusers deny that any abuse has ever taken place, which leaves the child victim not only feeling invalidated, but often questioning their own perceptions of the past. In these types of cases, defining wounds of the past can be a most daunting task.

When caretakers refuse to acknowledge any abuse has taken place, it is up to the individual in search of healing to learn to honor their own perceptions, in spite of being invalidated by the others in their lives. Healing can often be a most terrifying experience. Exposing skeletons...

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Happiness can only come by way of letting go of our ideas of attachment

All problems are the result of a beings interpretations of a particular situation. Deeper, all problems are the result of our attachments to a particular outcome we have egotistically presumed is the proper and only correct outcome. Deeper, all pain in this world is the result of a being who falsely presumes their happiness is dependent upon something or someone outside of itself they cannot realistically control.

Happiness then can only come by way of letting go of our ideas of attachment. When one intellectually or emotionally attaches to an outcome, they have unknowingly pinched themselves off from freedom. By placing our happiness on outcomes, people, situations and experiences outside of ourselves, we cut ourselves off from the joy we think we were after in the first place.

You are reading this, but you may not be in control of the thoughts that are popping into your head as you read it. You may not even be aware that you have control over the thoughts that are showing up in your...

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Wounded people wound people. Until we find the answer, let it be!

Forgiveness is often associated with letting people off the hook. Your boyfriend cheats on you and he says he is sorry and you forgive him. Your best friend says something off hand like, “You look pregnant in that dress. You should go change” and you forgive her. Your sister claims she didn’t think you wanted to know when your mother passed away, so it was for your benefit that she did not reach out, and you forgive her.

But have your forgiven, really, or have you just avoided dealing with an issue you may not know how to deal with?

Children tend to forgive without expectation and understanding why it is they let go of their anger. Often, children just want things to be better, less tense, and because they do not have the power to assert boundaries, they simply dissociate from their emotions and fail to recognize when they have been violated.

Children let go because they have no sense of the rights they have to hold someone accountable or in believe things will...

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We all KNOW the TRUTH

We all KNOW when we are being abused by the way we feel--BUT--we don't always believe we do NOT deserve to be mistreated.

Sometimes, because abuse has been our norm, we simply don't recognize narcissistic abuse as a real 'thing'.

When we have been conditioned to NOT see the self--and to NOT honor the self--we don't, not because we don't want to, but because we DO NOT know how to honor the self--or believe we have the RIGHT to.

We may want to set a boundary--but may be at a loss as to how--or we fear what might happen if we do set a boundary.

This codependency thing is NO joke!

It kills our souls, our minds, our bodies.

It keeps us attracting narcissistic abuse and blind as to how or why we are unable to gain the love we seek.

It can destroy families--cause wars between countries--and has the potential to keep man asleep FOREVER.

Codependency is as dangerous as a drug--but--at least with drugs and alcohol you can SEE and TOUCH the problem.

Codependency--can NOT be seen or touched.

It is a way...

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If it was easy to have healthy relationships, everyone we know would be doing it

If it was easy to have healthy balanced relationships, everyone we know would be doing it, including ourselves.

The reality is, people are human, most of them are asleep to some degree, and all of us have subconscious wounds we carry, whether we are aware of them or not. This means that when we meet someone, it is HIGHLY unrealistic to presume that they will never hurt our feelings, say something that will piss us off, or meet every one of our needs every time we have a need that need to gets met. It is just as unrealistic to presume we will not offend someone we care about, no matter how hard we try.

If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR. We aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. We don’t read minds and neither do most people we meet, although often, we expect people to know precisely what we need even if we don’t have a clue as to what that is.

If we have never felt loved, as adults, we may think that love should play...

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Love is a choice and a state of being

Love is a choice and a state of being.

Love is an action word as it reflects a nonphysical state that is acted upon by a physical being.

To help us understand what love truly is, it helps to rest one’s mind on the simplicity that abounds in nature.

Today, focus your attention on the beauty of a single flower. Study it. Watch it. Imagine what it feels like to be a single rose or sunflower in a garden of many in a world it does not worry about, unconcerned with what the other sunflowers or roses think.

Do what you can to imagine and connect on a vibrational level to the absolute stillness of that flower.

Just for a few moments, drop your own mind. Drop your thoughts. Drop your worries over your past wounding experiences. Drop your worry and connect to the infinite streams of abundance that is always--and was always about you.

Just for a few moments, become still of mind and milk the experience of love. Milk the feeling of pure acceptance, peace, and stillness that is love.

...

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Today, do what you can to LOVE your inner child

Abused adult children were denied a happy childhood and that is not our fault—BUT—as long as we have air in our lungs, we have the opportunity to BREATH DEEPLY and to choose LOVE.

Yes, in spite of all that has been, in any given moment, we can STOP living in survival mode and begin connecting to the SPIRIT within.

In each of us, there is a HOLY SPIRIT that is connected and even an extension of the CREATOR of all that is. Isn’t that just awesome Dear Ones?

You, your essence, is an extension of SOURCE.

WOW—just WOW.

Don’t let those negative thoughts fool you—they are temporary and once you connect more deeply to your DIVINE HEART, they will begin to fade.

YAY!

Yes, our childhood experiences may have caused us to live in survival mode, to lash out, to run away, to dissociate, and to fear letting go of our old patterns that have kept us safe, but in every moment exists the opportunity for a TOTAL MIRACLE!

When we CHOOSE LOVE, the love of self—the love...
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It is easy to neglect the self when you have never felt enough

It is so easy to neglect the self, especially if you have never felt valued, loved, protected, nurtured and enough.

BUT—as grown ass adults, it is time to STOP making excuses for why we continue to perpetuate NOT taking care of the self.

This weekend, make sure to take time out to LOVE you. That might mean going to bed an hour early, reading a book, taking a bath, or making yourself some chicken soup. It might mean meditating, journaling, or watching that movie you’ve been meaning to watch, or it might mean finally catching that Yoga class you’ve been meaning to try out.

Inside all of us is a KNOWING.

We know what we need and what we want, but when we are in the habit of IGNORING what we KNOW to be true, our actions follow suit, our life sucks, we feel like crap, and we fall into ruts that grow deeper each passing day.

This weekend make it a point to do something you’ve been meaning to do. FINALLY listen to that KNOWING and HONOR YOU!

Have you known what you wanted...

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Love is a choice and a state of being. Learning to love the self is an art.

Love is a choice and a state of being.

Love is an action word as it reflects a nonphysical state that is acted upon by a physical being.

To help us understand what love truly is, it helps to rest one’s mind on the simplicity that abounds in nature.

Today, focus your attention on the beauty of a single flower. Study it. Watch it. Imagine what it feels like to be a single rose or sunflower in a garden of many in a world it does not worry about, unconcerned with what the other sunflowers or roses think.

Do what you can to imagine and connect on a vibrational level to the absolute stillness of that flower.

Just for a few moments, drop your own mind. Drop your thoughts. Drop your worries over your past wounding experiences. Drop your worry and connect to the infinite streams of abundance that is always--and was always about you.

Just for a few moments, become still of mind and milk the experience of love. Milk the feeling of pure acceptance, peace, and stillness that is love.

Learning to...

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