Twenty years ago, my children and I were living in the eye of a messy emotional tornado. The fringes of our family unit were coming undone and my ex-husband and I were cracking under the pressure of over a decade of unresolved b/s.
When you decide to change your life by ending a marriage and especially when you have children, the angst of the innumerable unknowns rattles your brain. Times like the holidays become feared and many of us discover we white-knuckle it until January 2nd.
When you are in the midst of change, you don't know that your brain is hyper-aware because it is trying to protect you and that it feels unsafe in unknown waters. All you know is you feel terrified.
For years my body, mind, soul, and even my children paid the price for my unconsciousness. I did not know I was codependent, feared abandonment, and felt powerless. Two decades ago if you would have suggested I was insecure, felt powerless, and expected others to offer me a sense of worth through my catering...
Love bombing is an emotional and psychological weapon narcissists must rely on in order to gain access to the inner and sacred parts of their victims where they will do the most damage.
Imagine the president of a major bank, who knew the ins and outs of the bank's security system robbing the bank. Because the president of the bank was trusted by all, they were able to steal from the bank with ease.
Narcissists use love bombing to gain their victim's trust. As victims of narcissistic abuse become more trusting of the narcissist, the narcissist is able to do the most damage. In time, narcissistic abuse victims will distrust their emotions, ideas, beliefs, and thoughts. The narcissist will do all they can to brainwash their victims into submission.
It is my hope, this podcast helps anyone out there who is suffering from narcissistic abuse, learn to understand why narcissists must use love bombing as a tool to manipulate those they target.
Emotional abuse is most often accomplished through the manipulation and use of language.
Words can be used to create the illusion of love, while below the surface there can be a covert attempt to manipulate the one being abused.
Listen in and hear if any of these phrases sound familiar to you.
It is not easy to spot a covert narcissist. They can appear to timid, shy and insecure. Their goal is to manipulate you into submission by appearing to be a safe person all the while below the surface, a sinister agenda is waiting to unfold.
Covert narcissists embrace the role of victim and use their victimhood as a way to manipulate others into emotional submission. Their goal is to exploit their victims emotionally, financially, and or spiritually. They are secretly angry and feel entitled to abuse others and to distort their reality to achieve their goal of getting others to praise them, acquiesce to them, and take care of them.
In this podcast, you will learn more about the signs of covert narcissism you might want to make yourself aware of. If you've ever felt the need to have other people listen in on conversations you've had with a narcissist because you are afraid maybe you are crazy, you've probably experienced gaslighting, which is a common...
Narcissists use word salads, deflection, fear, intimidation, projections, lying, denying and other forms of manipulative tactics to keep you stuck.
Please enjoy this video to learn more and to hopefully help you understand why you might be confused after dating a narcissist.
Lisa A. Romano is a Certified Life Coach, bestselling author, and YouTube Vlogger specializing in codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is also one of the most listened to meditation teachers on the world’s largest meditation app Insight Timer. Lisa creates real-life tools to help people evolve past their traumas so they can live in peace, achieve success, and create harmony in their lives regardless of painful past events.
Lisa's work helps awaken people to the idea that what is wrong is not them, it is only their programming. Her 12 Week Breakthrough Healing Coaching Program takes members through three months of...
When you suffer from codependency you are in denial of many things. You may be in denial of the self, of how you feel, of what you think, desire, and believe.
You may also be in denial of past childhood experiences that may be at the root of low self-esteem, insecurities, and the inability to set healthy boundaries.
When you suffer from codependency, you also struggle to identify abusive behaviors from others. This is related to your inability to connect to the self, honor your own experiences and hold onto your internal realities.
I hope this short video helps anyone out there struggling to heal from codependency better understand how denial plays a critical role in keeping us stuck.
If you have been abused by a narcissist, you may not even realize the trauma you have experienced. Narcissists create tremendous confusion in their victims through lying, denying, twisting of facts, and through the manipulation of emotions.
Ending the narcissistic relationship is mind-bending. Not all breakups are the same. When you break up with your high school sweetheart, that sucks but at least you know you are breaking up with your high school sweetheart. When you break up with a narcissist, you are ending a relationship that never really existed. Well, not the way you think it did anyway.
When you love a narcissist, you have fallen in love with an illusion. A narcissist does not live in reality. They live through the image of their false self, the one they want YOU to believe in and the one they present to the world. In truth, the narcissist is shame-based and cannot deal with...
Before I finally accepted I was codependent, I rejected the label.
"Me, codependent? How could that be? I don't drink. My ex is not an alcoholic. We don't use drugs. This can't fit. I have a big mouth. I am intelligent. I can't be codependent. Something else must be going on."
When we are codependent we can reject labels because they make us uncomfortable. If our spouse is an alcoholic, we may feel uneasy accepting this label. If we struggle with alcohol we may struggle with admitting to ourselves we are powerless over alcohol.
When we are codependent and in relationships with troubled personalities, we struggle to accept the reality of our partner because of what it says about us.
"If my partner is an alcoholic, a gambler, a cheater, or a narcissist, what then does that mean about me?"
Codependency is a label that brings order to chaos. It helps a codependent see in...
It was a real pleasure to be invited to be a guest writer for Psychology Today.
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