Feb 21, 2022


by Lisa A. Romano

I am a believer in the power of an organized mind. I aim to help people learn what it means to live above the veil of consciousness rather than living a reactive life.

May your heart feel blessed, your mind feel expanded, and your spirit find hope as you spend time with me here.

Today we're going to be talking about codependency as a trap and how narcissism can keep you enslaved to a relationship system that is built for one.

The Importance of Being Aware

So why is it important to raise our awareness about this relationship issue called codependency? 

Why is it important to recognize that codependency is a trap? 

How can someone who is codependent find themselves entangled in a relationship with someone who is highly narcissistic and discovers that they live their entire lives below the veil of consciousness? That they’re living in a state of survival, avoiding risks, childhood fears, seeking approval, and not even realizing it? A person can go an entire lifetime, giving up their sense of self for the sake of someone else and not even being aware of it

So imagine you're a little girl with a codependent mother and a narcissistic father. Imagine that your mother is the adult child of an alcoholic who has experienced tremendous abandonment trauma, has never felt safe, and through observing her mother, has learned that if she anticipates the needs of her alcoholic father and makes herself small, then she can stay safe.

The thing that boggles my mind the most is that codependency is like living underwater, and you don't even know it. There's an entire world above the water. When you're codependent, you don't even know that you have these issues and that you're trying to avoid additional pain. You don't know that you are basically recreating your childhood patterns. You have no clue, and I think it’s just so sad that someone can go their entire lifetime acquiescing, people-pleasing, subjugating their needs for the sake of others, reacting, trying to control everything and everyone, feeling easily insulted when someone dislikes them; basically living their life as an extension to someone else. This manifests in a relationship when you marry someone who has an addiction, anger issues, a gambler or highly narcissistic, etc.

The Codependency Matrix

Codependency in and of itself is a matrix

It is a place where codependents who have felt abandoned and rejected in childhood play. Think of it as the subconscious playground for people wounded in childhood; it's like this plane of existence where co-dependents exist and attract other people living below the veil of consciousness. 

It includes both extremes, so we have a co-dependent who is other-focused, and they need someone to play in this playground which is self-focused. Have you ever noticed the dynamic in high school programs where a high school bully generally has a codependent who lives to fawn after them? 

Why is this person the co-dependent acquiescing to the bully? In acquiescing to the bullying, the codependent feels safe and protected. My guess is that the codependent has a bully for a mother or father or a bully for a sibling, and the high school codependent recognizes that if I stay close to this bully, they won't eat me; they will protect me. 

Codependents live their lives like this. Living below the veil of consciousness unaware that they're trying to avoid painful experiences, unaware they're living underwater, unaware they're living with and tending to people who are just as unconscious. 

If you would like to learn more about how the codependent and narcissist dynamic keeps you underwater, not knowing you’re subjugating yourself, look out for Part 2 of this blog, or watch this video on my YouTube Channel.

You can also check out the rest of my website www.lisaaromano.com for some more resources, as well as my 12-Week Breakthrough Program and Codependency Quiz.