How to Build Emotional Closeness With Your Partner
by Lisa A. Romano
How to Build Emotional Closeness with Your Partner
Do you find it difficult to feel close to the people you love? Would you enjoy feeling like you could be more vulnerable with others, rather than feeling like you have to hide the deepest parts of yourself?
If so, maybe it's time to question how your childhood may be impacting your ability to feel emotional closeness with your partner today.
Codependence in Relationships
As a child, I learned to believe love was conditional and that in order to feel close to my parents, I needed to stuff my feelings, hide my true self, and perform as I understood they wanted me to.
Learning to understand myself as someone who suffered from codependence in my relationships, forced me to confront how my childhood had conditioned my subconscious mind to live in fear of living my life as authentically as I would have liked, which also interfered with my ability to develop emotional closeness in my relationships.
- Was it my fault, that I chased approval, and looked for people to fix in my life?
- Was it my fault, that I was raised to believe I had NO right to THINK MY thoughts or FEEL MY feelings?
- Was it my fault, that my childhood destroyed my ability to develop a healthy sense of self, and as a result, I was brainwashed to believe that GOOD people WORRY about other people and NOT themselves?
It was NOT my fault I developed CODEPENDENCY, low self-worth, and DOUBTED every instinct and natural impulse I had to PROTECT myself and it is NOT your fault if you struggle with the same issues.
Ultimately I learned that you could be the MOST amazing successful person in your career and STILL have the most painful relationships imaginable IF you grew up feeling invisible and like it was your job to be your parent's therapist, punching bag, or pseudo spouse.
Never FEEL GOOD ENOUGH
If you grew up in homes with addiction issues that were denied or were swept under the rug...if you grew up with parents who hated one another and yet pretended to be happy for your sake...if you grew up with anxiety and no one noticed...if you grew up being abused and the abusers brainwashed you to believe it was your fault...Dear Adult Child, you need to know...
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT if you struggle to love yourself, listen to yourself, seek approval from others, or if you never feel good enough.
TRUE INTIMACY vs CODEPENDENCY
One of the biggest challenges we can face in relationships is seeking approval from our partners. This can manifest in many ways, from constantly needing reassurance that we are loved, to always needing to be right. Often, this stems from patterns that were established in our childhood. If we grew up feeling invisible or unimportant, we may subconsciously seek validation from others. This can be a major barrier to intimacy because it creates a sense of distance between us and our partners. If we are always looking for approval, we will never truly feel seen or heard. Instead, we will be focused on trying to please our partner, rather than on being ourselves.
Codependency makes it impossible to experience emotional closeness with partners.
If you seek approval, you may be subconsciously afraid of...
- feeling guilty
- partner persecution
- feeling confused and doubting yourself
To break free from these patterns, it is important to become aware of them CONSCIOUSLY!
If you PUT OTHERS FIRST, and you FEAR speaking from the SOUL, then you will settle for what shows up, even if it SUCKS, and is PAINFUL.
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