Perhaps another commandment should read,
"Honor thy children."
When we honor children, we honor ourselves.
When we honor a child's perceptions and understand their emotional, cognitive, and physical limitations, we are offering our children the right to be small, to need, to want, and to experience unconditional love.
When we attune ourselves with their needs at any given moment, and we meet those needs lovingly, we teach our children to love themselves and to eventually learn how to meet their own needs. They will learn they are important and worthy of respect.
When we teach our children proper boundaries, and we ourselves model healthy boundaries for them, we honor our children's right to say 'NO' when they mean NO and yes when they mean yes. They will not be resentful adults who distrust, persecute and need to control others, and instead, they will be creatures attuned with love and thus, they will manifest that love in return. We also teach them to believe they are too...
Love addiction and codependency are NOT about love at all. They are about the fear of NOT feeling LOVE.
Love addiction is about compulsive thoughts and behaviors. It is about reactivity and a lack of self -control when it comes to emotions.
Many abused children grow up to become adult men and women who view love like a great tragic play, sort of like Romeo and Juliet, and yet, Romeo and Juliet were completely OUT of control, so much so they got everyone they knew wrapped up in their drama.
REAL LOVE is patient, calm, soothing, rational, fair, warm, nurturing, and kind. There is no up and down nonsense, gaslighting, compulsive behaviors, stonewalling, silent treatments, passive aggressiveness, or denial of facts.
The problem abused and ignored children have is this...the human imagination is a place that allows escape, and left to its own devices, many children believe that love must be the opposite of the supreme lack of disconnection which equals attachment and enmeshment.
Every time we react with anger or rage we are stuck in a state of resistance to something that is taking place in our environment.
Consciously, and when not triggered, many of us understand that we do not have the right to control how other people live. If our neighbors are slobs and throw trash all over their property, although that totally sucks big time, staring at their garbage won’t change a thing, nor will punching your neighbor in the nose.
Our control is never outside of us.
We think that if this neighbor cleans up his property that we will feel better, and we might, but think about this for a moment. If we cannot be happy unless someone outside of us changes, then we are not in control over our state of being-ness. Something outside of us is.
UH OH—lions and tigers and bears oh MY!
Today, as yourself this question, “What conditions do I place on my level of happiness?”
If you are waiting for the kids to behave, your husband to draw you a bubble bath,...
When you are codependent you often tolerate aspects of relationships healthier people would not. You may people-please, react, coerce, enable, deny, enmesh, and violate boundaries. You may be clinging to a relationship rather than letting go because you fear being alone. Perhaps you find a sense of value in the taking care of others and doubt you are worthy of a truly healthy relationship.
When we are breaking free from codependency we are learning to be patient with our process of healing. Much of our recovery will rely on our ability to be humble and self-analyzing. As we learn to see things in ourselves we do not necessarily like, we may be tempted to run and hide. It takes great courage to look in the mirror and to acknowledge there is something about ourselves we must change.
Remember to be patient and kind with the self as you learn to understand why you may have developed codependency. Healing the wounded heart takes time and much dedication to personal...
If humans could shutty-shutty, and just for 10 minutes a day, we could all live a more joyful life.
If we were all conditioned to PAUSE and reflect rather than feel the need to REACT to every emotion our brain noticed pass through our conscious field, we could all learn to have SUPER COMPUTERS for brains.
The reactive brain is a lizard brain and it DOES NOT have to be this way.
Emotions are indicators not facts.
Facts are facts and although how we feel is also a fact, we have the ability to think before we speak and to even CHANGE our emotions.
WHY would we want to change how we feel?
If I feel unworthy and the fact is my parents went out of their way to tear me down rather than build me up, my feelings around unworthiness are valid and they are REAL, but it is NOT a fact that I am unworthy.
Emotions need NOT be seen as things that are set in stone.
Yes, all emotions are valid and why we feel a certain way is valid too, but, the rational or the cause of why we feel the way we do may not be...
Self care is one of the greatest keys to emotional health. The more you care for your teeth, the stronger your teeth will be. This seems like common sense, so why do so many of us naturally ignore the self?
We are a society of unconscious minds who have been programmed to gain bonds and form attachments to other unconscious others.
Many of us have been indoctrinated to worry more about others than ourselves prior to learning the most important lesson, which is to love the self.
Many of us have been raised by parents who saw us as extensions of themselves, like one might view a pair of designer shoes. We have been conditioned to make others look good and in the process, we have been psychologically cut off from our higher self.
Many of us are so damn angry, sad, or hurt, that we are blocked and unable to access the vault that is full of the heavy emotions we need to purge in order for our bodies to heal.
If any of this sounds like you, you’re not alone. We all have a difficult time...
CPTSD causes someone with attachment and abandonment trauma to learn to believe they are unworthy of love.
When as a child, you have never felt seen, and the feeling of rejection is so deep, you are unable to find raw value in yourself, this creates trauma.
Chronic emotional trauma, unpredictability, and feelings of powerlessness are not states of 'being' a child can escape and as a result, children who are unable to return to a 'flow' state of peace, calm, and a sense of safety, stew in anxiety and stress.
As adults, codependency manifests in the way we relate to others. Rather than seek love because we know we are worthy of love, we go about getting our needs for 'attachment' through maladaptive avenues. Rather than flow with love, we seek to cater and act in service to others, hoping we can avoid the hole within feeling rejected and abandoned has created.
In relationships, a codependent who was shy as a child will be more passive, withdrawn, and reserve, while catering to the...