Dec 31, 2022

Do You Feel Stuck?

by Lisa A. Romano

codependency recovery coaching do you feel stuck questions to ask yourself

If you feel stuck, you're not looking where you need to...

  • What if the one secret you needed to help you heal emotional numbness or reactivity was a matter of self-awareness?
  • What if the secret was you?
  • What if hitting the pause button on the chaos of your life and taking the time to invest in why your life is not what you'd like it to be was the secret?

I know it sounds crazy, but that is precisely what I discovered when my life imploded.

The secret to peace of mind, mental clarity, purpose, love, contentment, or abundance was never outside of me, in a relationship, a career, friendships, or what others thought about me...

Me, just me, all of me, including the parts of me I wasn't proud of.

I was the secret all along!

Do You Lack Confidence?

If you feel stuck and uncertain about what path to take, you lack confidence in your emotions, intuition, and decision-making process. And until you consider why you have a tough time trusting yourself, you will lack the confidence to move your life forward.

If you don't start considering what you believe about yourself, love, peace of mind, money, and your future, your life can't change much, not because it can't change...but because you're not looking where you need to look, and again, that's not your fault.

Ever Wonder About Your Brain?

Dear One, finding peace within the self can be ironic because we often go through chaos to achieve it.

Self-doubt and subconscious limiting beliefs are like the emergency parking brake on your car. It will arrest your ability to make a decision. Your prefrontal lobe is most likely inhibited if, as a child, you were raised to believe your emotions were unimportant to those you loved.

The implicit memory system is affected when you love and need to depend on caretakers who may have abused and neglected you. You can have unconscious associations with those you love that work to your disadvantage and not even be aware of how patterns and programs keep you stuck.

The prefrontal lobe is the area of your brain responsible for executive functions of the brain. A highly activated amygdala, the area of the brain responsible for emotional reactivity, will diminish your brain's ability to make decisions. This is the case in childhood emotional neglect and abuse.

And because implicit memory is an aspect of our long-term memory, we can associate fear with making decisions outside conscious awareness.

So below the veil of consciousness, your memory and brain can be wired to keep you stuck.

FACT: Narcissists love that you associate fear with worrying about making decisions that are good for you. Just sayin'.

Are You Investing in Yourself?

My world turned upside down when I started to invest in myself. And I was stunned when many of my family and friends turned away from my children and me as my marriage imploded when I found the courage to take my denial goggles off.

Suddenly, as I began the inner transformation journey and stopped looking outside of myself for approval, acceptance, validation, safety, and purpose, the people I always thought I should be able to rely on faded away.

It felt like I was falling backward into a bottomless black hole with no branch to cling to. All I had falsely believed in was being ripped away as my focus turned inward, and I began accepting my truth. I was an adult but lived my life as a child, through the unhealed wounds caused by emotional neglect, and made the choice to become a wife and a mother, unaware I was unaware. And now that my life was imploding, I had to leave all that I believed in behind, start over, and heal my inner wounds all at the same time.  And even though my subconscious beliefs and invisible wounds were not my fault, only I could fix what was broken within me. 

It's Time to Make Commitments to Yourself

As we enter the New Year, this is a beautiful time to think more deeply about how you think.

You can begin achieving greater peace of mind by making a decision to begin worrying more about what you think about yourself than what other people think about you.

Dear One, the secret is you; it always has been. 

However, when you are raised by narcissistic, alcoholic, neglectful, or abusive parents, or when you have loved only narcissistic others, you are brainwashed to believe the answers are outside of you.

Today, decide to pull your awareness back into the self and ask yourself,

  • What do I think?
  • What do I need?
  • What do I want?
  • What do I feel?

These questions may sound simple enough; however, to the adult child who has been taught that speaking his/her truth leads to pain, abandonment, criticism, and rejection, these become acts of courage. 

May you know just how deeply you matter!

Happy New Year, Dear Ones!

Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author specializing in codependency recovery coaching and narcissistic abuse recovery. She is the creator of the inner transformational roadmap, The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program.  If you are the adult child of an alcoholic or have suffered emotional neglect as a child, this program can help you learn to find inner peace, mental and emotional clarity, autonomy, and the courage to speak on behalf of your authentic self.