Most adult children of alcoholics go through life never fully understanding the impact being raised by a self absorbed alcoholic has had on them. The double whammy is that in addition to being raised by an alcoholic--in most cases the counterpart--or other parent was a self absorbed enabler. And while on the surface it would seem that most damage would be caused by the alcoholic parent, just as much emotional damage is created by the parent who is lost in their own world almost as if in la la land doing his/her best to pretend that the chaos in the home really isn't all that bad.
Being raised by an enabling parent is like being a child born with a tree limb in your eye your parent refuses to acknowledge. Caretaker type, enabling parents are like sheep with blindfolds on. They follow the lead sheep, and dare not take a different path. When the lead sheep goes overboard, the enabling parent follows. And although the enabling parent may not be drunk, or high on pot, he/she is just as...
When a being decides they need to make adjustments in their life, they often do not realize that the adjustments they are seeking will require change. Many beings struggle with the idea of change--yet there is nothing that is--that is not in a constant state of flux.
When you are involved in a dysfunctional dynamic--growth--independence--accountability and self reliance are unwelcome notions. Dysfunctional dynamics generally follow certain invisible guidelines. Relationships that are unhealthy are dishonest. They are about power and control--which includes power and control over how others feel.
A client of mine was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. After talking in length about his family of origin, he revealed that while growing up--his father was totalitarian--and his mother was enabling. His father beat him routinely and made it crushingly obvious that he was disappointed with my client, as he did not wish to go into the family business. At family dinners my clients...
During my work as a Life Coach for Adult Children of Alcoholics, I have found common traits to be true. The act of having ones childhood pain ignored, denied or treated with indifference by ones parents, but especially by ones mother has a devastating impact on how one sees Self as an adult.
No longer under the thumbs of ill equipped parents, adult children leave their families of origin and begin trying to make a go of life out there on their own. Sometimes many years later, wounded adult children still struggle with feelings of unworthiness, powerlessness, and inauthenticity. My clients universally seem to feel 'stuck'. No matter how much spiritual work they do, and regardless of how often they are able to distract themselves from the quicksand within, more often than not, most usually come back to this nagging feeling of being 'stuck'.
It isn't an easy task. Helping my clients 'see' what the people they most trusted brainwashed them to deny, can be complicated to say the least....
Some of us have been lucky. Our parents were open enough emotionally to allow authentic love to come through their heart chakra's and connect with ours. Some of us have known since the moment of our birth, we were wanted, appreciated, and loved.
But what about those of us who felt unwanted, like a burden, as if we were just in the way, and made to feel guilty for being born?
What happens to a child's ever developing sense of self, when they are bombarded day in and day out with the sense that who they are on a quantum level--is not worthy of being validated?
Do I sound like I am bringing the hammer down on parents?
Because I am.
There is no job more important than that of a mother or father. There is nothing more important in a parent's life than how that parent is able to make his/her child feel about Self. There is no job, no relationship, no house, no public honor, no goal more important in this world--than a parent's responsibility to ensure that their child knows...