Love addiction and codependency are NOT about love at all. They are about the fear of NOT feeling LOVE.
Love addiction is about compulsive thoughts and behaviors. It is about reactivity and a lack of self -control when it comes to emotions.
Many abused children grow up to become adult men and women who view love like a great tragic play, sort of like Romeo and Juliet, and yet, Romeo and Juliet were completely OUT of control, so much so they got everyone they knew wrapped up in their drama.
REAL LOVE is patient, calm, soothing, rational, fair, warm, nurturing, and kind. There is no up and down nonsense, gaslighting, compulsive behaviors, stonewalling, silent treatments, passive aggressiveness, or denial of facts.
The problem abused and ignored children have is this...the human imagination is a place that allows escape, and left to its own devices, many children believe that love must be the opposite of the supreme lack of disconnection which equals attachment and enmeshment.
When you are codependent you often tolerate aspects of relationships healthier people would not. You may people-please, react, coerce, enable, deny, enmesh, and violate boundaries. You may be clinging to a relationship rather than letting go because you fear being alone. Perhaps you find a sense of value in the taking care of others and doubt you are worthy of a truly healthy relationship.
When we are breaking free from codependency we are learning to be patient with our process of healing. Much of our recovery will rely on our ability to be humble and self-analyzing. As we learn to see things in ourselves we do not necessarily like, we may be tempted to run and hide. It takes great courage to look in the mirror and to acknowledge there is something about ourselves we must change.
Remember to be patient and kind with the self as you learn to understand why you may have developed codependency. Healing the wounded heart takes time and much dedication to personal...
If humans could shutty-shutty, and just for 10 minutes a day, we could all live a more joyful life.
If we were all conditioned to PAUSE and reflect rather than feel the need to REACT to every emotion our brain noticed pass through our conscious field, we could all learn to have SUPER COMPUTERS for brains.
The reactive brain is a lizard brain and it DOES NOT have to be this way.
Emotions are indicators not facts.
Facts are facts and although how we feel is also a fact, we have the ability to think before we speak and to even CHANGE our emotions.
WHY would we want to change how we feel?
If I feel unworthy and the fact is my parents went out of their way to tear me down rather than build me up, my feelings around unworthiness are valid and they are REAL, but it is NOT a fact that I am unworthy.
Emotions need NOT be seen as things that are set in stone.
Yes, all emotions are valid and why we feel a certain way is valid too, but, the rational or the cause of why we feel the way we do may not be...
CPTSD causes someone with attachment and abandonment trauma to learn to believe they are unworthy of love.
When as a child, you have never felt seen, and the feeling of rejection is so deep, you are unable to find raw value in yourself, this creates trauma.
Chronic emotional trauma, unpredictability, and feelings of powerlessness are not states of 'being' a child can escape and as a result, children who are unable to return to a 'flow' state of peace, calm, and a sense of safety, stew in anxiety and stress.
As adults, codependency manifests in the way we relate to others. Rather than seek love because we know we are worthy of love, we go about getting our needs for 'attachment' through maladaptive avenues. Rather than flow with love, we seek to cater and act in service to others, hoping we can avoid the hole within feeling rejected and abandoned has created.
In relationships, a codependent who was shy as a child will be more passive, withdrawn, and reserve, while catering to the...
So many of us have been taught to believe we are not good enough. For some, the emotion of fear may have been triggered early on and quite possibly even in utero. The limbic brain is wired to avoid pain and to seek pleasure. Anything that causes a growing fetus to experience a threat to harmony and peace will be registered as pain. Humans are being downloaded long before we are able to walk. Unfortunately, because so many people do not appreciate the experiences of children as valid; believing that what children cannot remember doesn't count, we are a world of wounded adults who are stuck in states of fight or flight who may not even realize it.
Compounding societal ignorance is the fact that ALL human beings are born asleep. We are not born aware. We are born with brainwave states that equal the dream state of consciousness. We do not have the ability to think critically as children. All that happens to us in our outer world becomes downloaded into our growing and impressionable...
We all KNOW the TRUTH.
We all KNOW when we are being abused by the way we feel--BUT--we don't always believe we do NOT deserve to be mistreated.
Sometimes, because abuse has been our norm, we simply don't recognize narcissistic abuse as a real 'thing'.
When we have been conditioned to NOT see the self--and to NOT honor the self--we don't, not because we don't want to, but because we DO NOT know how to honor the self--or believe we have the RIGHT to.
We may want to set a boundary--but may be at a loss as to how--or we fear what might happen if we do set a boundary.
This codependency thing is NO joke!
It kills our souls, our minds, our bodies.
It keeps us attracting narcissistic abuse and blind as to how or why we are unable to gain the love we seek.
It can destroy families--cause wars between countries--and has the potential to keep man asleep FOREVER.
Codependency is as dangerous as a drug--but--at least with drugs and alcohol you can SEE and TOUCH the problem.
Codependency--can NOT be seen...
Nope, nobody has been born to make sure your life experience is comfy and cozy.
Nope, there is no one out there that is responsible for your happiness.
Nope, nobody out there can really read your mind.
Nope, not everybody is going to like you.
Nope, you will NOT be invited to every dinner party or event.
Nope, your children will not always think you’re awesome.
Nope, there is no guarantee your friends won’t disappoint you.
Now, doesn’t that feel better?
Isn’t it a relief to know that our lives are NOT supposed to be perfect?
Isn’t it awesome to know that it is okay to NOT have to make sure EVERYBODY thinks we LIKE THEM?
Isn’t it freeing to know shit is gonna’ happen and that is okay?
Childhood programming taught you to believe YOU HAD to get people's approval otherwise you might DIE.
Childhood programming taught you to believe that unless you gained the approval of others, you were UNWORTHY.
Childhood programming taught you to believe your self esteem...
It can be so HARD to face, but the reality is, not everybody is going to like you, agree with you, validate you, or love you.
When you have grown up feeling like it was your job to make sure everybody else was okay but you—it can be quite the mind-bender when you start to confront the faulty belief that has you unconsciously programmed to believe it is YOUR JOB to get people to like you.
How many of us have been under the illusion that it was the WORST thing in the world to have someone NOT like us?
Crazy, I know!
Turns out—it is TOTALLY acceptable to NOT BE LIKED—and to even be DISLIKED!
It is totally okay to have your neighbor, friend, cousin, and even a significant other NOT agree with you!
It is totally fine to have people NOT like you.
Guess what? Even if people don’t like you, the world continues to spin and the sun still comes out in the morning. To an abused adult...
Stretch Through the Pain to Achieve the Gain
Dear One, never forget that anxiety, depression, angst, hopelessness, and even unresolved anger is a symptom of something much deeper.
Codependency is also a symptom of some type of childhood neglect.
That neglect could have been overt or covert. It could have been sexual abuse or it could have been emotional abandonment.
Emotional neglect and maternal disconnect cause the same chemical reactions to take place in the brain that physical abuse causes.
Separation of any kind causes anxiety, whether that is physical or emotional separation.
All of us have been born to FEEL connected to Self, as well as others.
Knowing why we are the way we are is awesome--BUT it is not where our work ends. In fact, it is where our work begins.
We are all powerful creatures--who have the ability to transcend and connect to our authentic self but to do that, we must learn to stretch through our pain.
Tolle teaches us that we all have a pain body, and I would totally...