As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us
by Lisa A. Romano
As children, many of us who experienced emotional neglect spent our days fantasizing about the perfect person who would rescue us from our toxic homes. We relied on these fantasies to help us get through a day, however, there are very real consequences to whimsical thinking.
While we were still unaware we were unaware, our brains and minds became attuned to thinking and believing in relationship dynamics that were built upon pain, immaturity, and fantasy.
Although imagining being rescued or being the rescuer helped to fill our depressed brains with fuzzy warm feeling hormones like oxytocin, on a very deep level, we were developing beliefs about how life should be.
As healing codependent adults, we need to be very careful about the way we perceive ourselves, others, and relationships.
We need to ask ourselves;
"Have I idealized this person and now, as the honeymoon period wears off, am I blaming this person for NOT sizing up to the fantasy version of this person I talked myself into believing they were when we first met?
'And, am I assuming that the lack of intensified emotions is tied to the dysfunctional belief that says 'I am not enough?
As fantasies dissolve and reality evolves, are my abandonment issues being triggered as the idealized person I believed in begins to dissolve as well?'"
Codependency is rooted in abandonment and as we begin to realize that the person we have idealized may not be the person we actually believed they were, all of our abandonment issues become triggered.
We are not able to recognize the fantasy has caused us to abandon the authentic self. We do not realize our brain and mind have become addicted to fantasy. We do not realize that we are experiencing strong cognitive dissonance and that it is the divide between fantasy and reality that is the problem. We do not realize that when reality clashes with fantasy, in those moments we often feel the most abandoned.
Codependency is like carbon monoxide. You can't see it. You can't smell it, but it's deadly, and if you are not doing all you can to make sure it isn't leaking into the crevices of your life experiences, at any moment in time it can disrupt the emotional balance we all strive for.
If you are ready to dive deep and begin unraveling these crazymaking codependent beliefs, check out my next online class http://ed.gr/cjvi7