If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR
by Lisa A. Romano
If it was easy to have healthy balanced relationships, everyone we know would be doing it, including ourselves.
The reality is, people are human, most of them are asleep to some degree, and all of us have subconscious wounds we carry, whether we are aware of them or not. This means that when we meet someone, it is HIGHLY unrealistic to presume that they will never hurt our feelings, say something that will piss us off, or meet every one of our needs every time we have a need that needs to get met. It is just as unrealistic to presume we will not offend someone we care about, no matter how hard we try.
If we want to find relationships that work, then we have to start by being FAIR. We aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. We don’t read minds and neither do most people we meet, although often, we expect people to know precisely what we need even if we don’t have a clue as to what that is.
If we have never felt loved, as adults, we may think that love should play out like a fairy tale. This unconscious or conscious perception is faulty, unrealistic, and although can be intoxicating, it can wreak havoc on what could have been a pretty decent relationship, had we approached our idea about love more realistically.
The easiest people to love are those that love themselves, honor their needs, can soothe themselves, make sure to take time out to meet their needs, do not presume others should cater to their emotions, respect themselves, manage their finances, take accountability for their moods, and do what they can to ensure that they are taking care of themselves mind, body, and soul. People who love themselves are managing their lives from the inside out. They set boundaries when necessary, let go because they don’t want to be weighed down, and see little value in holding onto emotions that corrupt their vibe: they love themselves, their inner child, and they respect and value their essence. And because they respect themselves they expect to be respected in return.
If we want balanced relationships, then we have to do what we can to love ourselves so much, that we know precisely what we need when we need it and we do what we can to meet as many of our own needs so we do not place unfair expectations on others.
The best relationships are those that are not stressed. When we are not taking care of the self, we are usually expecting someone else to do that for us, and often this expectation is an unconscious one, which causes stress.
Today, strive to meet as many of your own needs as possible. The more of our own needs we can meet, the less we need others and the more room we have to WANT others instead.