1) Codependent recovery hinges on the ability and willingness to still the mind.
2) Only when we are able to observe codependent thinking can we correct our unhealthy thoughts.
3) Those of us who carry great shame will find it difficult to go within because when we let go of our external attachments we find all the fear we have been wishing to avoid.
4) Mindfulness is the ability to go within and find the silence which is the absence of nonsensical mental chatter.
5) When we use mindfulness we can find the seat from which we can reprogram the addicted codependent mind.
I remember when my therapist told me I was not crazy, but I was suffering from codependency. I was relieved as well as perplexed. I was not a drinker nor was my husband at the time. How could I be codependent? I had a big mouth. I complained all the time. I told my ex when I was unhappy. I wasn't stuffing my feelings or what I thought, at least I did not think so.
Upon reflection, and after years of codependency counseling, I came to realize that what I was expressing in the 3D world was like black smoke shooting out of a car tailpipe. What I was emitting were symptoms of a much greater problem. Those feelings I was expressing at the time, were like smoke. The real fire was burning within me, but I just did not know it at the time.
When you have been abused by narcissists you often don't realize the consequences of such abuse. You don't stop to think about what stage of emotional development you may be arrested in. Although I was married, had three children and I was running a business, emotionally I was probably about twelve years old. I was like an irritated, frustrated, adolescent that had played by the rules she had been taught, and yet NOTHING I did ever granted me the peace or enoughness I craved.
Being married to a passive-aggressive-covert narcissist was like living with someone who had one thousand personalities. He lied, denied, projected, minimized, marginalized, gaslighted but also praised me in front of others. One moment he was shaking his finger at me and calling me a 'whacko' and in the next, he was telling my parents he thought I could have been a rocket scientist.
Every conversation was a 'word salad' that took off into oblivion. His agenda was to NEVER acknowledge a problem by gaslighting me through marginalizing my quest for resolution.
Ever try to nail jello to a wall? You can't, don't waste your time.
Passive-aggressive-covert narcissists are incapable of vulnerability. They need people and relationships just like the rest of us, but they are unable to see others as equals and therefore, relating to them in a healthy way is impossible. In their minds, they must dominate you. From their perspective, you MUST hold some value for them otherwise you are useless.
Perhaps you offer them a sense of financial security, or maybe you are the one that strokes their ego like no other, or perhaps you are the one that asks absolutely nothing from them. If you are able to boost, support, and help a covert narcissist operate from the state of victimhood as well as the ruler of all rulers, you and the narcissist will get along just fine.
As a Life Coach who specializes in 'how to overcome codependency' and 'how to heal from narcissistic abuse, I can say with authority, that until we learn to observe the mind, it is nearly impossible to heal.
Mindfulness allows us the opportunity to observe what is happening in our stream of consciousness. Between our thoughts is a divine space I refer to as the GAP. As we practice stilling our minds, the GAP becomes more and more accessible. At first, we do not find the GAP. When our mental chatter has become like an endless waterfall, it can be quite frustrating when we are first trying to find the stillness between our thoughts.
I absolutely 100% attribute my healing from codependency and narcissistic abuse to disciplining myself to commit to meditation practice. Meditating daily slowed down the waterfall of codependent thoughts and it helped me calm down my inflamed amygdala. Connecting to my breath gave way to connecting to the stillness within. The more I meditated, the more peaceful I became.
The real work started when I was able to catch codependent thoughts and I could observe the bodily sensations that showed up when I experienced an emotional flashback. However, practicing finding the silence within, gave me the confidence I needed to learn to observe rather than react to bodily sensations as well as external triggers like narcissistic comments from others.
You have the ability to impact the information that is being sent to your mind, body, and soul. Meditation is one way you can speak directly the energy fields of the body. However, finding the GAP first is essential. Learning to be mindful is like learning how to drive a rocket ship. Find the seat, determine your destiny, learn what switch controls what action, and you will be on your way.
If you would like to learn more about how to stop being codependent, or if you are looking for online codependency and narcissistic abuse support group, you can request to join my Facebook Group here
If you would like to watch a free codependency presentation you can click here
If you would like to learn more about my online program that teaches you how to overcome codependency, please visit the link below.
My next class relaunches on August 15th. I personally moderate this 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program which helps you uncover your thoughts and emotions, understand layers of the codependent mindscape, and assists you learn to become and merge with the observer within. The goal is to help identify unconscious patterns and assist you to develop a personal blueprint that allows you to ascend to higher states of consciousness.
My program will teach you to expand your perception and awareness of self, past unresolved traumas, faulty beliefs, and dysfunctional thoughts, through self-hypnosis brainwave meditations, insightful journaling prompts, weekly video lessons, and weekly live group calls.
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