Dec 26, 2019

Love Addiction -- No More Chasing Love -- Lisa A Romano

by Lisa A. Romano

codependency love addiction

Love addiction is intoxicating. It is also catastrophic as it is built upon the broken bones of a wounded inner child.

When we have come from homes that have caused us to question our worth as human beings because those who loved us have missed the mark by failing to appreciate how crucial it was for children to FEEL seen, wanted, and understood, a great gaping hole forms in our soul. This hole aches to be filled and behaves like a vacuum for what the ego believes will fill it.

The ego is immature. Its concepts about love are childlike. Ego is under the illusion that fairy-tale-like love will fill this void and allow the being that we are to finally feel FULL, WHOLE, and ENOUGH. Ego operates with limited understandings. It does not know about addiction. It does not understand that groveling, obsessing, and begging are behaviors that are tied to our initial abandonment. Ego only knows pain vs pleasure and with its limited understanding about love, believes a fairy-tale is what it needs to quench this empty hole in our soul that is begging to be filled.

Often love addicts attract narcissists or those who are love avoidant. The further away our potential mate pulls, the more intense we push. We are children in giant bodies begging to have our maternal wounds filled by what our ego fails to recognize as stand-ins for the caretakers who originally abandoned us. Under the guise of unconsciousness, we push and then push some more as oxytocin flows through our brains and induces a sweet state of intoxication, an intoxicated state that leads to a catastrophic end.

Only when the spell of unconsciousness is broken can we ever truly understand that the hole within us can only be made whole by learning to love ourselves as we always should have been.

Any hole within us today, will never be filled by anyone or anything outside of us. We must be brave enough to seal up the gaping holes within us through a raising of our consciousness and by schooling the ego. The ego does not know what it does not know and until we awaken, the ego will cling, push, chase, and beg for love.

The ego is not entirely wrong. The love that could have filled us was supposed to come from the outside. Maternal love fills a newborn with a sense of enough-ness that if consistently supplied avoids future vacuums that crave love. However, for those of us who have been denied this original source of love, we must do what we can to help ego understand we know we are enough, and chasing love is no longer an option.


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