Sep 09, 2021

Being Nice To People Who Don't Deserve It Makes Them Disrespect You More Part: 3

by Lisa A. Romano

If you are selfless, you haven't yet learned to do a few things, and one of the first things that you will have to learn to do is how to handle strong emotions. 

Learning to Handle Strong Emotions:

One of the reasons that people are selfless is because they don't know how to handle strong emotions. I don't feel good enough, so I’ll revert to taking care of someone and maybe in taking care of someone, I might feel good enough. It's a clever, psychological distraction technique. Still, spiritually it’s going to keep you stuck, and you're not going to evolve your soul, you're not going to grow emotionally, you're not going to evolve psychologically or cognitively, or even financially, you're going to stay stuck. So you have to learn how to deal with strong emotions. 

In my 12-Week Breakthrough Coaching Program, I teach this by explaining to class members how to stay in your body when strong emotions come up. This is crucial, not only for members of my class and me but for everyone. 

“We have to learn how to handle the energy in our bodies, and we do that by processing emotions.”

One of the ways to help you learn how to handle strong emotions is by seeing emotions as energy because that's what they are. Start seeing your body sort of like a machine that has to learn how to handle this energy and see your mind as an engineer, or a mechanic, that is learning to simply observe. That's what you have to do. All you have to do is observe the energy in your body. 

For instance, last week, I had a trigger. I was sitting at my desk, doing some work, and suddenly I felt a trauma trigger happen. Now, when I have a trauma trigger, my head gets very hot. The amygdala sounds the alarm, and my blood pressure increases. Sometimes I go deaf, which is a little scary, but I've had such bad triggers before that I felt like I almost wanted to collapse. This is a CPTSD response. It's very common for those of us who have grown up feeling like we could never escape the trauma of our childhoods. Now, I'm not talking about the type of trauma that ends up on front-page news; I’m talking about childhood emotional neglect. I'm talking about never feeling connected to. I'm talking about feeling minimized and criticized, and bullied by members of your family and the type of trauma that creates. This type of trauma will usually play out in abandonment trauma, attachment trauma, low self-esteem, low self-value, a lack of self-worth, a loss of selfhood. It will exhibit itself in relationship behaviors. 

“The way I showed up in relationships was a mirror to how insecure I felt on the inside.” 

So, I had this trauma trigger, and what I was able to do, was in the moment, I was able to recognize that these emotions were just energy. And so, as I felt them, I closed my eyes, and I stepped out of my own body. I tapped into consciousness and observed how the trauma response affected my physiology and how my energy was moving. In my mind's eye, I just kept hearing myself; it’s okay, just let it come up, just let it come up, just let it come up. And it was almost as if I could feel my crown chakra open, and all of this stagnant energy moved. What's beautiful about that is that I can almost guarantee you that the next time something similar happens, I will have a less emotional response because there's less negative energy shoved into my root chakra, on my lower chakras, around this particular type of issue. 

We all have issues. We've all been wounded, and it's our job to overcome them. So if we experienced some type of abuse as a child, by a brother or sister, that energy might still be locked within the lower chakras. This energy will make us sick. Because if you think about Kundalini energy, it moves up, and our job is to move this energy.  

“When you feel selfless, you are not able to connect to your energy.”

 So what you do is distract yourself from this energy. You never really learn how to handle these strong emotions. 

The Importance of Handling Strong Emotions

Why would it be important for us to learn how to handle strong emotions as spiritually evolving human beings? 

“It's very crucial that we all learn to handle strong emotions”. 

Our spiritual evolution depends on it. Once we are able to handle consciously strong emotions, without using distracting techniques, without going down the rabbit hole, without staying involved with narcissists, without staying reliant on our co-dependent behaviors to keep us safe. Once we're able to handle these strong emotions that so many of us avoid, we're one step closer to connecting to the love that we are. 

“The false images of self, the negative opinions of self, they're preventing our spiritual growth; they’re preventing our ability to step into the love and the divinity that we are.”

We are all creative beings, and we all come here to create. And if you think about it makes no sense to me, but I worked at a psychiatric hospital in nursing school for a short time. My heart broke for these people who are just sitting there almost in catatonic states, some of them, and I thought to myself as I learned more about spirituality, codependency, narcissism and psychology and child development, how essential it is for energy to move in the body and the mind? 

If I am selfless and I'm taking care of you, the energy in my mind is not moving in the direction that it should. The energy in my mind is supposed to be tethered to the I am that I am, and I'm supposed to be using this creative energy within me to create from within. But if I'm selfless and focusing on you, I'm focusing on your needs; I’m focusing on your desires; I'm not tapped into the self. Now that doesn't mean that you can't be someone who has done this type of recovery work, and you have figured out that you were once selfless, and now you're moving through your life, tethered to yourself, wanting to inspire others. You have become your own anchor. That's entirely fine. But I'm talking about people who want to help other people, as a distraction, who have yet to figure out how to be their own anchor and love the self. 

“Now, in order to love the self, you're going to be challenged.”

I will be talking about the main challenges that come with learning to love the self again in the next blog. But if you want to learn how to break this pattern of being selfless and not loving yourself, consider joining me for my next live 12-Week Breakthrough Coaching Program; this is an opportunity to work with my life coaches and me over three months. Find out more via the link