Nov 06, 2020

Signs of a toxic relationship

by Lisa A. Romano

#codependency relationship toxic
"Lisa, why do you always talk about toxic relationships, narcissism, and childhood trauma? Shouldn't you talk more about happy things?"
Not that long ago, I received this DM on Instagram. I smiled for a bit and then realized it might be helpful to know why we need to know the signs of a toxic relationship.
If you were raised by pushy, self absorbed caretakers, or by those who were immature, and did not know 'how to' attune themselves to you as a child, you may have been taught to DOUBT your inner reality.
If your father or mother was narcissistic, immature, abusive, aloof, and or emotionally cold, you may not have a strong self of self that has the ability to VALIDATE how you feel. If this is the case, you will NOT readily acknowledge abuse for what it is. Instead, you will deny, rationalize, and normalize abusive behavior because as a child, you were not conditioned to feel as if how you felt or experienced the world was important.
You may even chase after abusive toxic others, in an attempt to gain that bond you never received when you needed it most.
If you have been programmed to normalize feeling pushed around, criticized, bullied, minimized, judged, shamed, persecuted and treated as if you were an extension of others rather than a 3D autonomous person, you may walk around unaware that your relationships are toxic.
For these reasons, I find it important to help those who only know emotional chaos identify signs of toxicity, they have been brainwashed to accept as normal behavior from others.
If you don't feel loved, honored, respected, and valued and instead, you feel judged and live in fear of being punished by those who claim they love you, it is time to awaken and refuse to normalize such conditions any longer.
There was a time I was the one who had NO clue just how toxic my relationship, and my thinking was.
Cutting through the emotional fog that was in my head, helped me understand what I was living with was NOT normal or healthy, and nor could it ever net me the happiness I dreamed of.
I hope this helps anyone who might need it.