May 25, 2018

The Child of a Narcissistic Parent

by Lisa A. Romano

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When you are raised by parents who cannot see you--you are in essence being mirrored a sense of not enough-ness. You are vibrationally/emotionally being programmed to believe that YOU--the little divine--magnificent YOU--is NOT enough to gain mommy or daddy's praise, acceptance, validation, pride, joy, or love.

When you are raised by parents who are so self absorbed--whether they are absorbed by care taking for people who should be able to take care of themselves, or by shopping, or by alcohol, or by gossip, or by their physical appearance, or by worrying about what everyone else thinks about them--YOU as the child of these types of emotional vampires--do not feel seen.

When our parents deny us the love, acceptance, validation, compassion, forgiveness, guidance, worthiness and unconditionality we deserve--a hole in our hearts appears. This hole is felt on an emotional/vibrational level, and forever we the invisible children--seek to fill it.

The problem is--until we learn that that hole we feel is real, and more importantly not our fault--we tend to stay blind to ourselves--just as our parents conditioned us to feel.

The self--is the soul. The self is that part of us that is connected to all that is, and because we were born to beings who had lost communication with their own god seed/self--they were unable to condition us to connect to that divine aspect of who we are. Instead--they taught us to DENY Self--IGNORE Self--SUPPRESS Self--and even HATE Self.

As an invisible child myself--I truly believed that 'I' was unlovable. The disconnect between my mother, father and I was so palpable--that I could conclude nothing else. My outer eyes could only see the laughter and understanding each of my parents could offer others--(strangers and other family members) emotions they could not give me--lead me to believe that my Self--was not enough.

The hole this disconnect created--seemed a bottomless pit. Taught to keep my yearning for love outside of me--in the land of the physical--I did what all unaware young girls do--and starved myself--dyed my hair--giggled on cue when cute boys spoke to me--and looked for love in dark places. So desperate to 'feel' accepted by anyone--my psychological goal was to simply 'feel enough' for someone--anyone.

Married to a man who (big surprise) could not 'see' me--it was a miraculous as well as painful moment when I realized I married an emotional being who mirrored to me the exact kind of conditional love my mother did. A dozen years and three babies into the marriage--my poor body began to fail. That hole in my heart never healed--and in fact grew to the width of the Atlantic Ocean.

All my begging and pleading to feel 'heard/seen/accepted/wanted/validated and loved' by my husband, sank into that hole like lead, and as they did--so did my desire to please others any longer.

Marriage was a gigantic eye opener--but so was the moment I realized that emotional holes caused by dysfunctional childhood programming is not something anyone outside of Self can fix.

If you are an invisible child, whether you are ten or 110--know this;

If your parents could not love you--that is because they could not love themselves.

If your parents treated you with indifference--that is because they were lost in their own mental drama.

If your parents taught you to believe that your feelings didn't matter--they were wrong.

If your parents taught you to worry about what other people think about you--they were codependent.

If your parents beat you--mocked you--ignored you--or treated other people better than they ever treated you--its because they are more concerned with facades than they are with authentic love--and that is not your fault.

If you still seek parental acceptance--please stop.

If you still seek parental validation--please know--that you must surrender to what is--even if what is sucks right now--through the divine ability to accept what you cannot change.

If you still seek love in men, women, relationships, drugs, sex, shopping, money, image, and alike--know that you are perpetuating the invisibility your unaware parents inflicted upon you when you were a small child.