Mar 05, 2020

How do you feel when someone tells you you SHOULD do this or that?

by Lisa A. Romano

programming selflove toughlove

‘SHOULDS’. ‘Lisa, you should be ashamed of yourself. Lisa, you should be nice. Lisa, you should be kinder. Lisa, you should not be so angry. Lisa, you should go to church every Sunday. Lisa, you should donate more time. Lisa, you should not feel that way. Lisa, you should take care of her. Lisa, you should not do that. Lisa, you should have just said it this way not that way.’

Blah blah blah blah frickin’ blah!

And you know what happened as a result, I grew up with that faulty programming and I used the word SHOULD on my kids, my ex, my friends, and just about anyone I knew.

‘You know what you should do…’

‘You know you should have done this, not that…’

‘You should tell him…’

‘You should tell her she should…’

What goes in comes out—and when SHOULDS go in SHOULDS come out.

There is ZERO recovery without ACCOUNTABILITY and HUMILITY. We can spend three decades in therapy and hundreds of thousands of dollars on retreats, treatments, therapy sessions, and alike, and FAIL to reach the promised land.


Because in order to get to the PROMISED LAND you have to walk through a snake infested desert first! You have to face the howling of your deepest FEARS. You have to LET GO of all the CRAP your EGO has clung to that has kept you feeling safe. You have to cry those tears you have been pushing down for perhaps decades. You have to process all the red flags you’ve ignored and undo all the old programming that you’ve been relying on and at the same time, start working on NEW NEURAL PROGRAMMING.

NO—healing and integrating is NOT easy and so of course, the human brain will run from the process for as long as it can UNTIL enough AWARENESS has been had around WHY we are STUCK recreating our pasts in the first place.
If you want to start breaking this cycle NOW—catch yourself every time YOU use the word SHOULD and every time you hear someone use it towards you.

Instead of telling people what they should do and instead of people telling YOU what you should do, it is time to just go WITHIN.

SHUTTY SHUTTY Dear Ones—instead of using the word should—which in most cases induces some level of SHAME, let’s try to just be there for people without projecting upon them our will. In addition, let’s see if we can learn how to HONOR our RED FLAGS and do what we think we should do rather than waiting for a well-meaning friend or family member to make our decisions for us.

How do you feel when someone tells you you SHOULD do this or that? How would your life change if you became more aware of how the word SHOULD was used on you and how you used it?